Need You
by M.w.M
Summary: What would have happened if Spike fell in love with someone that wasn't Buffy? My first story, please review, hearing feedback is what makes me a better writer. Thank you
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Rocky Start**

William the Bloody, Slayer of Slayers, Master Vampire, was bored. So bored that he was walking around SunnyDale at night, all by himself. Not prowling at night, not stalking at night, and not hunting in the night, but walking. He walked slowly through the town that had once been his. Where he and Drusilla would have reigned in blood and violence. But now all he had was his leather duster wrapped around him like protective skin and his cigarette, with the grey blue smoke floating around him like fog. The smoke from his cigarette curled around his head like a grey halo. How ironic. Spike thought. Something could be angelic on a creature destined for hell. But it was the simple things in Spike's life. He took delight from the calming effect of the smoke filling his lungs, and the tip burning brightly in the night. With a heavy weighted sigh, Spike then continued his track through the town. He made his way to the "bad" part of town which was conveniently close to the good part of town. Well it used to be convenient, when he could stop and grab a bite to eat before going to his lair. Spike chuckled internally at his bad pun. He walked through the abandoned alley usually buzzing with pushers and teenagers trying to act older then they were. Since the Bronze, the local club, the only club, is closed for repairs the only noise to accompany Spike was a plastic bag blowing in the California wind.

He was about to head home when he heard, what sounded like a street fight followed by a girl's scream in dark alley to Spike's left. "What the…?". He hesitated, why should Spike, master vampire, care if some little twit was too stupid to go out passed her bedtime? He heard another scream this one filled with pain and desperation. He still resisted, he had been fighting the "good fight" for a few months now. Just because of the government chip shoved in his brain by great blundering tin soldier, a.k.a, boy toy to the slayer, which kept him from killing humans, but to his surprising enjoyment he can still kill demons. Another reason he turned white hat was because of the slayer. Buffy bloody Summers. She gave him an ultimatum. Either fight with her, or be dust. Since he can't fight back, what other option did he have? When ever Spike thinks of the slayer, his blood boils and he wants to punch something, usually her little mouth that she doesn't seem to know how to close.

Another scream.

Bugger it he thought to himself as he ran into the alley. He probably wouldn't have to even hit the bloke, just show him a little bit of fang and have the wanker running with his tail between his legs. But what Spike saw before him actually made him want to retch. A young girl maybe 19 at the most was pinned up against the wall by some young bloke, probably a college kid, too drunk for his own good. He was trying to lift her skirt, and she was trying to resist. "Come on, just let me see you. You wanted me too back at the house" the man then pushed her harder into the brick. As Spike walked closer to the scene he heard her voice pleading.

"Please I just want to go home Sam. Please let me go, please, please." She was crying so hard, it sounded like she going to choke.

"I just want to go home. "

She finally resorted to whimpering for she had more strength to beg. Spike had no clue why he felt so compelled to help this girl, but he wanted to tare that pillock's head off. "Hey man why don't you give the lady some room to breath?"

Spike said as he sauntered over to the boy. "Hey dude back off. You don't know what you're dealing with." The man yelled as he stumbled a little.

Spike's mouth twitched into a little smile when he heard the idiot refer to the 100 plus year old vampire as "dude".

"There's where you're wrong mate. I do know, a lot better than you, and I suggest you toddle off before someone gets hurt." Spike stated calmly as he strutted the rest of the way to the man.

Sam sneered as Spike grew closer.

"Oh so you think you're so bad? why don't you come and get her from me then."

At that moment the man known as Sam grabbed the girl and turned her so she was facing Spike. Sam held one hand around her throat and the other he placed possessively on the girl's upper thigh. She simply whimpered on response. Having no strength to do anything else.

Spike's lips contorted into another smile, this time, one of cold, malicious enjoyment of being bad. He stood there fists clenched and ready for the pillock to make a move.

"Come on boy, if you really want her, come and get her." Sam roughly groped the young girl's breast and she started to cry. Spike's jaw clicked as he tried to hold some form of composure. He just needed the idiot to get away from her so she can run.

Spike stood his ground and said as mockingly as he could. "What's the matter Sammy? Can't let go of the twit; afraid you'll be without protection? Is this little girl your shield?"

Spike saw that this man was starting to grow angry. Just need to push a little further. "You're pathetic, not even worth my time. Its no wonder you had to force her, you git….you piece of…"

Sam pushed the girl out of the way and charged at Spike. He threw all of his weight into one punch. But Spike having over the coarse of over100 year toned his already inhuman reflexes quickly dodged the punch and delivered one of his own. He punched the man so hard his head reeled back and the rest of him followed. Spike smirked until the chip fired. Excruciating pain filled Spike's head and loud ringing erupted in his ears. Spots danced before his eyes and all he knew was that the pain was surrounding him. Wrapping him up in a tight bundle and not letting go any time soon. Spike held his head and screamed so many British obscenities they all started to run together. He was simply mumbling by the time the pain was done rocketing through his skull. It hurt so much he almost regretted helping the girl, who was simply standing there shaking.

Almost.

Spike stood up and he looked over at the girl still standing there. She hadn't moved since the bloke pushed her away. She was shivering and Spike realized that she must be scared and cold. She wasn't wearing much, she blouse ripped completely down the front and her skirt ripped up both sides. Spike walked over to her and she took a couple steps back all the while looking at the man laying in a broken heap. Spike stopped and cocked his head to one side. His eyes growing tender and reassuring. "It's alright now love, the bad man isn't going to hurt you anymore."

She looked up at him then. With a look of such immense gratitude, like he was her knight in shining armor, like he was her savior.

It made Spike feel self conscience and he looked away. "Right then, suppose I should get you home. Uh where do you live?" The girl still hadn't spoken, she just continued to look at him.

Spike didn't know what to do.

He had never saved anyone before. Had never cared to before. He was a killer, a monster. If he didn't have that blasted chip in his brain he would have killed the git and the girl without a second thought. But now it was different. He had to find a new outlet for his violence and it just so happened to coincide with doing something good. Being someone's hero. But Spike wasn't a hero. He didn't even have good intentions. He was either bored or frustrated and needed to hit something. It wasn't until tonight that he actually wanted to do good to anyone that didn't benefit him in some way. Spike again looked at the girl. She thought of him as a hero. A man who came along and rescued her out of the goodness of his heart because he cared for other's well being. She didn't know that he didn't have a heart. She didn't know he wasn't a man. And she didn't know that he didn't give two cents about anyone's well being. Well, until tonight.

"Look love, we have two choices alright? Either you tell me where you live, or we can wait here until Mr. Cop-a-feel wakes up. Which one do you want?"

The girl finally cleared her throat and looked down at her hands. "I….I…live on Revello Dr." She said barely above a whisper.

Good thing Spike had supernatural hearing. Spike's eyes grew wide. That's where the slayer lived, right on that street.

The weirdity passed when Spike's heard the girl's teeth chattering. He walked over to her and slipped out his precious leather duster and wrapped it around her shoulders. "There you go love. All nice and warm."

She flinched when he touched her and he mentally winced. Probably doesn't need a man touching her again, especially one with icy cold hands.

"Sorry, pet. We should get going though. Its almost dawn." Spike turned and started walking. The girl followed after him eager to get away and keep up.

They had been walking silently for a while now and as they reached the little park Spike finally decided to speak. "So what's you name pet?"

Spike looked over at the girl and she looked deep in thought. Like she was debating about something. It clicked. She probably doesn't trust anything that is male right now. So asking about personal information is not a good move. "Sorry love, never mind. You don't have to tell me your…"

"Hanna."

"What?" Spike asked surprised.

"My name. It's Hanna" Spike looked over at her and she smiled weakly. He smiled back. "I'm Spike."

Hanna gave a questioning look and then averted her eyes back to the ground. Spike caught it however. "What, were you expecting something more English?"

Hanna smiled again. "Kind of."

Spike chuckled. "Well, I'm not what you would expect."

Hanna looked over at him again, this time eyes large and soft. "I know, not many people would have stopped that guy from….from…would have stopped him."

The mood between them had grown dark, and then it proceeded to an awkward silence.

Finally it was Hanna this time that broke the silence. "Um, we're here."

Spike looked up and saw that her house was right next to the slayer's. "You live here?" Hanna nodded. They walked up to the front porch and stood in front of her door.

Spike thought that to any passer by it would look like a date. Like he was a normal young man walking his girl to her door and then kiss her good night. Woah there, calm down man. Spike shook his head a little to clear his thoughts and then looked at Hanna.

She was standing there awkwardly not really knowing what to say to the man that saved her life. "Um well, it was nice meeting you….I hope we don't have to meet again."

Spike raised his brow. "Well thanks love."

Hanna's eyes widened. "No,no, that's not what I meant. I just meant hopefully you wont have to save me again. That's all. You can see me again." Spike just kept looking at her. Hanna continued her babbling feeling completely idiotic. "What I meant was that if you happen to see me, I wouldn't mind, not that I did before, I mean I didn't even know you before,……uh…yeah…so….um." Hanna just stopped and lowered her head in defeat.

Spike smiled amusingly. "Its ok love, I understand what you mean." Hanna gave him a look of relief.

Spike looked up at the sky and saw that the dark blue was starting to fade. Which meant the sun was coming up, which meant that he had to get out of there quickly. "Well I should be off then. I'll let you get inside. Good night."

He turned to leave, and made it all the way down the porch steps before

"Spike!" Spike turned and looked at Hanna. She blushed at the desperation in her call and shyly looked at him. "Thank you…for what you did back there."

She then graced Spike with the most brilliant of smiles he had ever seen. It seemed to light up her entire face, and it made her look so innocent and angelic. Hanna then turned and walked inside of her house. Spike stood there for a moment, and then a smile of his own spread across his lips. If being a hero meant smiles like that, then Spike needed a serious career change. He turned on his heel and walked towards the sewers with that smile still placed firmly on his lips.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Second Encounter**

Spike awoke with a start as he felt something hard and waxy hit him square in the chest.

"What the bloody hell?"

He opened his eyes and there was that slayer staring at him with emerald eyes filled with anger readied with another candle to throw at him.

"What do you want Slayer. Can't you let a bloke get some sleep?"

Buffy rolled her eyes and folded her arms across her chest in annoyance.  
"What were you doing sneaking around my house last night Spike? Or did you think I wouldn't see you?"

Spike at first had no idea what she was talking about, and then it all came back to him. Hanna. He had saved her last night. Walked her home and found out she lived right next to the slayer. She must have seen him walking away after Hanna went inside.

Spike shrugged. "Had nothing to do with you."

Buffy narrowed her eyes. "Yeah, like I'm just supposed to take your word for it?" Spike looked up at her with a sarcastic smirk. "So why did you ask then, if you're not going to take my words at face value? That seems like a waste of your time and mine slayer."

Spike knew he stumped the slayer because all she did was narrow her eyes. "Well, just don't be sneaking around my house anymore Spike, you're just giving me an excuse to kick your ass."

Spike laughed a dry laugh. "Like you ever needed an excuse before? And look slayer, I will do as I please. You think this bloody chip in my brain allows you to do whatever the hell you want to me? Well you're wrong. I fight along side you because I have no other choice. Does that mean you own me?" Before Buffy could even think of a response Spike stood up and got in Buffy's face. "Not bloody likely."

Buffy's lips thinned into a hard line. "Just stay away from me." She turned on her heel and stomped out of the door.

Before she was too far Spike retorted. "A little hard to stay away when you come looking for me.' Buffy then slammed the door as hard as she could and stalked away.

"Bloody, irritating chit." Spike grumbled to himself.

~***********************************************************~

*Later that night*

Spike was just about done getting ready for a quick patrol when he stopped in the middle of the room and looked around. "Where the bloody hell is my duster?" Spike frowned with annoyance and then he remembered he had given it to Hanna. He sighed. Well he didn't really need his coat. Its just well….he loved it, and it was one of his prized possessions. Part of what made him, him. And besides not that he really minds seeing Hanna again. Spike's thought train came to a halt. What? He didn't even mean to think that. He didn't want to see her again. She was a little girl, a little human girl. She was just someone he happened to help because he was at the right place at the right time. Not like he sought her out because he wanted to get to know her. But then Spike thought again. Why exactly did he help her then? He wasn't even going to until something deep inside of him felt the need to save her. He had never even thought about saving someone until her. Ok so maybe he did kind of want to see her. Spike conceded. She wasn't bad looking and she was nice to him. Didn't treat him like a freak, like all the other people he was forced to spend his time with did. Well that's because she doesn't know that you are a vampire. He reminded himself. Well whatever the real reason behind his actions of last night and tonight. That didn't matter, what mattered was that he needed his coat back and Hanna had it. Simple as that. He quickly finished lacing up his boots and made his way out of his crypt, passed through graveyard and on his way to Revello drive. Where his favorite coat and pretty girl awaited him.

Spike finally made it to Hanna's house and stood on her front porch. Spike raised his fist to knock, but there was a feeling welling up inside of him that he hadn't felt in years. It was terrible, sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. A feeling he dreaded even as a human. He was nervous. He felt like a school boy here to talk to the girl he had a crush on for the first time. It irritated him. Why was he so nervous? She has your coat just ask for it back. You aren't asking her to go to bed with you. Not that that thought was a bad one. Woah woah waoh, hang on mate. Spike chided himself. You barely know this girl. She probably doesn't even see you that way and she doesn't want the man who saved her from getting raped asking her to for a reward. Spike rolled his eyes at his own weakness. He's a vampire so what if he doesn't know her. He could have anyone he wanted and more. But Spike knew better that, even though he was a vampire he always respected women and if he brought one to his bed it was never by force or manipulation. He was not that kind of monster. The inner turmoil still raging in Spike was cut short when the door was abruptly thrown open and a middle aged man with brown hair peppered with grey and grey eyes behind round glasses stood there with a disproving look. Spike looked up at him surprised for a second and then he regained his composure.

"What do you think you are doing meandering on my porch? Do you need something?"

Spike winced. He must have looked like an idiot or worse, a stalker standing outside of this man's house.

Spike cleared his throat. "My apologies mate. Uh, I was wondering if Hanna was available?" Spike inwardly winced at his choice of words. With an angry look from what he assumed was her father, he didn't like Spike's choice of words either.

"If you are asking if my daughter is available to _talk_, then, yes she may for a few minutes, if you are asking for more, then please leave my property."

Spike wasn't surprised by her father's tone. Spike didn't exactly look the type that you would bring home to mum and dad.

"Yes, if I may just speak to her for a moment that would be great….uh…sir." Spike was not accustomed to showing respect to anyone, and he certainly didn't call humans sir. But he had to if he wanted to talk to Hanna, and get his coat back of coarse. Hanna's father looked Spike up and down before shaking his head and disappearing back into the house leaving Spike alone once more.

Spike felt like an idiot. He should have anticipated that one of her parents would open the door. She doesn't live by herself you idiot. While Spike was cursing his stupidity, Hanna came rushing down the stairs and out of the door, where she stopped suddenly. Spike looked over at her and couldn't help but smile. She was wearing a little blue tank top with a kitten on it and little blue matching shorts with the word "meow" written all over it. Her hair was in messy pigtails and she had what looked like reading glasses set on top of her cute nose.

Hanna smiled back shyly. "Um…what are you doing here?" She asked very self conscious to the fact that she was in her pajamas.

Spike continued smiling for a moment until he finally answered. "I came by to see how you were doing." Well that was sort of a lie, but after having seen her again, that weird feeling in the pit of his stomach was there again and it made him want to get to know her, and see if she was alright.

Hanna blushed and smiled. "Yeah I'm ok. I was a little afraid to walk home from school alone today, but I managed."

Spike frowned at that. "You had to walk home from school all by yourself?" The note of concern in his voice came out of nowhere and it surprised him, but seeing the pretty smile his question put on Hanna's face, he was glad that he asked. "Yeah, I do everyday. Its no big deal, I don't mind the walk."

Spike nodded. "So your school's not to far away then?" Why did he care? He was supposed to be getting his coat and leaving, but he wanted to stay and talk to her all night if he could. That made him even more nervous. He hadn't felt like that in awhile. Not since Dru, not since he had this chip shoved in his brain.

Hanna shook her head. "Couple miles. I'm used to it though. Been walking home since I started high school." S

pike smiled at that. "How long has that been, a few months?" he couldn't help but tease, and he really wanted to know how old she actually was. He had a guess, but now having seen her again. She seemed a lot younger than he remembered. That made him feel dirty.

Hanna smiled, laughter in her eyes. "No, I'm a senior."

So he hadn't been that far off.

Then Hanna's head snapped up suddenly. "Oh hang on a second k?" Spike just nodded and watched her race back up the stairs. Spike smiled. She was really sweet and innocent. It made William the poet want to bubble up to the surface and show her that not all men treat girls like that. Especially ones like Hanna. She seemed so much different to the girls her age now a days. Not that he knew many. He had only recently been around the slayer and her friends, but they were a good example of how young people act. For one normal young people haven't been through apocalypses on a regular basis and second it was hard for him to make a fare judgment on young people when the only ones he knew hated him. But he has been around a long time and noticed that the more time grew on the more that teenagers and young adults seemed to think that they were god's gift to the world. They had cocky heirs about them and that kind of attitude can get you killed in this town and plus it was just bloody annoying. He did admit, he bragged and was full of cockiness, but he had a right to. He was strong, a master vampire, and slayer of slayers. Not some acne faced teen who smelled like grease traps and cheap cologne or perfume. But Hanna gave the impression that she is intelligent, she was funny, and she was beautiful.

As Spike still admired her, the girl in question came bounding down the stairs once more. "I was afraid I'd never be able to give you this back. I didn't want you to think of me as a thief." Spike smiled warmly. Yeah he was right, sweet and innocent. She reached out her arm where the coat was neatly folded over it and Spike reached out to take it from her. Once their hands touched it sent an electric tingle straight through Spike. He looked up at her and noticed her eyes wide. She must have felt it to. They looked into each other's eyes. Spike was captivated. He couldn't look away even if he wanted to. She seemed to pull him into her, like the ocean. Spike felt over whelmed with feeling in just an instant. Spike finally looked away, but then looked right back at her. He couldn't do anything else. Spike took this moment to really look at her. She really was quite pretty. Her hair the color of sun burnt autumn leaves. Auburn with tones of honey, and light chestnut. It came down to the small of her back from what he could tell with her pigtails. Behind her glasses her eyes of deep blue with flecks of green and gold. Her eyes sparkled when she smiled and Spike wanted to make her smile more. With the thought of smiling, came the thought of her lips. They were full and pink and looked as soft as rose petals. They looked inviting. Her skin was as pale as his and the light from the moon and porch light made her look like she was glowing; made her look like an angel. She had a round face with cute round rosy cheeks that reflected how young she really was. She had freckles that were sprinkled across her cheeks and nose, and they added to her adorable face. Spike's eyes traveled down and he could see by her tight pajama top that she had lovely curves and wasn't trying to starve herself like other girls her age. She looked healthy, but also like she savored her foods.

Spike couldn't help but think about her in such a way that…."Um, Spike?" Spike didn't hear her. She tried once more. "Spike?" Spike snapped out of his thoughts and looked up into her pretty blue eyes.

"Yeah love." He said, his voice constricted with the thoughts that invaded his brain.

Hanna fidgeted with her hands shyly. "Um you were kinda staring at me." Spike smiled a boyish grin that he had been caught, and rubbed his neck nervously, it made him look like a shy youth as well.

"Well, a pretty girl like you deserves to be looked at." Spike froze. Those words seemed to have just forced themselves right out of his big mouth. He hadn't intended to say them. Heck, he hadn't intended to think them. A moment of awkward silence passed between them while Hanna just stood there eyes wide in disbelief and Spike stood there with his coat over his arm like an idiot. Spike regained his composure and slipped into his leather duster.

"Well, pet, I should go before you Dad glares holes into my head." Hanna gave him a questioning look and Spike pointed behind her. She turned and saw her father looking rather sour, staring at Spike.

Hanna rolled her eyes. "Don't worry, he does that with everything that is male. He doesn't even like me hanging out with Jared." Spike raised his eyebrow in question, and irritation. Jared? Who was this Jared? Her boyfriend? Spike grew even more irritated. He knew boys at Hanna's age, and he didn't like them. They were only after one thing and it wasn't a good conversation. And a sweet, shy girl like Hanna is prone to being persuaded to do something she will regret.

"Well I'm sure your da will warm up to your little boyfriend soon enough." Spike almost growled at himself for sounding so jealous when he shouldn't even care if she had a boyfriend. He really shouldn't care about her at all. But that was proving to be difficult.

Hanna looked confused. "My boyfriend? Oh you mean Jared. He's not my boyfriend." She giggled and then continued. " He's my best friend. I've known him and his girlfriend since freshman year." Spike wanted to roll his eyes at his own stupidity. He made himself look like a right git in front of this girl and he needed to leave before he opened his big fat mouth again.

"Right, I really should get going so..." Spike didn't know what to say to her. See you later? He wont. Talk to you soon. He wont. Bye forever? Too harsh. Maybe see you again sometime…..bloody poof. Maybe he should just walk away. Hanna answered his dilemma for him with her response.

"Ok Spike, I'll see you around." With that she stepped back into her house and gently shut the door. Spike just stood there a moment. Well that was easy. Didn't even have to tell her that he would never see her again. Not that he cared, or thought that she did. But when their hands touched he was sure he felt something and when he looked at Hanna, he was sure she felt something too. But he could be wrong. Has been wrong in the past. Spike mentally shrugged and made his way down her porch steps before heading back to the cemetery to see if he could clear his mind with a spot of violence.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three: Realization**

The Bronze was over flowing with people. The music was so loud that the speakers were pulsing and making the entire club vibrate; even the particles in the air seemed to be wiggling and moving to the music. Spike stared at all the kids from his perch on top of the balcony railing. To him, all the people looked like insects, crawling all over each other to make it. He glared at them. They seemed so happy and care free. Unknowing that one or more of them would probably die tonight at the hands of a vampire. He growled. He could be one of those vampires, but no, he was stuck with the ability to kill but unable to do what he was meant to. Forced to go against his nature.

But then he stopped. Not all humans deserved to be eaten. A bright, pretty smile flashed through his mind. He sighed.

It had been weeks since his last encounter with Hanna, and ever since then he hasn't been felt right. Like he was missing something, but he didn't know what. He frustrated and angry all the time and even his nightly patrols weren't helping. Although that made sense because he had to be accompanied by the slayer so that made him want to run into the sunshine. He just could not understand it. What was wrong with him? He wasn't ill. Vampires are immune. What did he need? He sighed again and happened to glance into the crowd. He did a double take. He caught a flash of red hair moving through the crowd. Spike concentrated hard on the top of the girl's head that he didn't even know. It could be her. It could be. Before Spike knew what he was doing he was already down the stairs and gliding through the crowd to get a better look at the girl. He followed her all the way to the bar. She stopped as one of her friends grabbed her attention, and Spike stopped a little behind her. When she finally turned his direction Spike's jaw dropped. It was her, Hanna, the girl that he had saved. The girl that he could not stop thinking about after such saving. Hanna smiled as her friends said something funny and Spike swore his heart smiled with her. She looked beautiful tonight. With her hair pulled back in a half pony tail which showed off her pretty face. She was wearing an emerald green strappy top and tight dark blue jeans. It made her eyes and hair and curves stand out and Spike could not help but just gawk at her. Finally one of her friends noticed him. "Hey Hanna I think you have a stalker."

Hanna turned and looked straight at Spike. Her jaw copied Spike's and dropped like a lead weight. She quickly recovered from shock and blessed Spike with dazzling smile.

She walked up to him and stood before him. "Hi Spike"

Spike smiled a bit too. "Hey love."

Hanna blushed shyly and Spike thought she looked adorable. "So what brings you to the Bronze? A date?" Hanna tried to sound casual, but it came out as if she were scared he brought a girl here. Spike inwardly smiled at that. She did seem very happy to see him and he hoped it was more than he saved her life.

"No, no afraid not. No one seems to want to date old Spike these days." Hanna looked surprised. "You're kidding right?"

Spike smirked. "Do you think I should be?" Spike asked.

Hanna's cheeks flushed. "Um, no, what I meant was that um..you know you are so..um good looking and stuff and girls would have to be stupid not to want to.." She looked at him and he flashed her another smirk. Hanna stopped talking and continued to blush until her cheeks matched the red tones in her hair.

"Hey there's one of my favorite girls." Spike looked up as a tall, thin, mousy looking boy with brown hair and brown eyes, came through the crowd and stopped at Hanna's side. Spike instantly hated him. Hanna smiled and threw her arms around the boy's neck. Spike wanted to leave. Of coarse she came here with a date. Spike felt like an idiot. He had been hopeful and that was always his downfall. She was pretty and intelligent. She wanted to be with a boy her own age, and Spike knew that he shouldn't be surprised. What irked Spike was that not only was he caught off guard, but he was disappointed. He wanted Hanna's smiles to be for him. Just like always…Spike was the fool.

Hanna turned back to Spike and frowned. "Spike?" She asked.

Spike looked over at her and knew he must look like he was about to commit murder, which wasn't far off.

"Uh, yeah love?" He tried to make his tone light even though his insides were screaming to kill the boy for going near Hanna.

"I wanted to introduce you to Jared, my best friend." Jared smiled at Spike and Spike just looked relieved.

"So you're the guy our little Hanna has been talking about for weeks and weeks."

Hanna's blush returned and she smacked Jared on the shoulder.

"Shut up Jared." She whispered angrily to him.

Spike chuckled. He felt a lot better about this boy, especially since he wasn't in any way with Hanna. He still didn't appreciate his hands on her. But he let that go. Or at least tried to.

"So you've been talking about me with you little friends huh?"

Hanna just looked at her feet.

"It's alright pet. I would love to hear what you were saying."

Hanna shook her head.

"Oh come on Hanna. Tell him about how strong and brave you think he is." A girl around Hanna's age walked up next to the boy. She was pretty. She had ebony colored hair and was slim, looked like a gymnast and she had lightly tanned skin. She had almond shaped eyes which were hazel. Jared slung his arm around her and she smiled at him before lacing her fingers with the his resting over her shoulder.

"I'm Kay. And you must be Spike."

Spike nodded. Hanna was looking very uncomfortable at being caught talking about him so Spike decided to cut her break and change the subject. "Hanna, would you like a drink?"

Hanna snapped her head up and her traditional blush which was quickly becoming her trademark came back full force.

"Um, sure."

Spike smiled and held out his arm. "Shall we then?"

Hanna slowly slipped her arm through his and looked like she was bubbling with happiness.

Spike led her away from her friends and up to the bar. "What would you like pet?" Spike asked.

Hanna continued to blush and said shyly, "um…could I have a Sprite?" Spike's smile grew larger at Hanna's shyness. Her innocence was refreshing to say the least. Spike has been around many women in his time and none of them were as fresh faced, innocent, and as full of live as Hanna. She was sweet and kind from what he could tell and yet she was down to earth and seemed to have a good head on her shoulders. Spike was so used to women wanting only one thing from him, or a girl like Buffy who simply was too jaded for anything niceties.

"Love you may have what ever your little heart desires."

Hanna's face lit up and she just nodded. The bar tender came over to them and Spike ordered her drink and then paid the man when he handed the soda can to Hanna. Hanna accepted it and nodded her thanks to the bar tender. "Don't you want anything?"

Spike shook his head. "I'm good love."

"Well you didn't have to buy me anything if you weren't going to get anything for your self."

Spike only shrugged. "Just wanted to do something nice for you. See that pretty smile again."

Hanna snapped her eyes up to meet Spikes. "You think I have a pretty smile?" Hanna looked like she regretted the question as soon as it left her mouth.

Spike only smiled another toothy grin. "No."

Hanna looked confused, "but I thought you said….oh, I must have hear you wrong I'm sorr….."

Spike interrupted her with, "I think you have a beautiful smile."

Hanna took a sharp intake of breath and could only say "Oh" in response. There was silence for a few minutes and Spike wondered if he had stepped too far. She was being awfully quiet and she kept worrying her lip, conveying that she wanted to say something. But Spike could care less about that. She kept biting her bottom lip and it was really distracting. Spike couldn't take his eyes off of them. Finally Hanna spoke and it shook Spike from what was beginning to feel like a fantasy.

"I think you have a nice smile too." Her complement came out rushed and all in one breath with her trade mark blush clear on her face. If Spike could blush he would have.

He ran a hand shyly through his hair. "Thanks love." Hanna nodded and then continued to sip her drink in silence. Spike didn't know what to say either and thus erupted silence again.

To Spike's surprise, Hanna broke the silence first. "So what do you do?" Spike was taken back by the question. What did he do? Well apart from helping the annoying slayer and her scoobies fight evil there was really nothing that he did.

He pondered this concept.

He used to be an evil leader, master vampire. He had thousands of things to do. Make sure all of his minions were in order, creating plans, doing research on the bloody slayer, taking care of Drusilla.

Now he had nothing.

No aspirations.

No goals.

No Drusilla.

What was his purpose? It wasn't to kill humans anymore; it wasn't to kill the slayer.

What was the point of his existence?

Then Spike realized that he had no point. If he was supposed to kill Buffy then he would have by now. If he was supposed to spend his unlife with Drusilla, she wouldn't have left him. Vampires, and monsters like him should not exist in the first place. So what did he do?

Absolute nothing.

Spike snapped out his reverie and looked over at Hanna patiently waiting for his answer, but he didn't have one. So he decided to finally tell the truth to someone. "I don't really do anything pet." Spike shrugged as he said this. Hanna gave him a quizzical look. "Huh, not the answer I was expecting." Spike shrugged his shoulders. "I'm not what many expect."

Hanna kind of smiled. "I guess not. So you sit at home all day until a girl needs saving in the middle of the night?" Spike chuckled a little at that. "Yeah, you could say that. It makes me sound better."

Hanna laughed a little. "Sounds like you fight crime."

Spike rolled his eyes in jest. "No spandex for me."

Hanna smiled with laughter. "Real heroes dress like regular people to throw off the scent."

Spike looked surprised at Hanna and his look turned serious. "You think I'm a hero?"

Hanna smiled softly at him. "You're my hero."

Spike's eyes widened. He had never been someone's hero. He didn't deserve it. He was a monster. He didn't deserve pretty words and smiles. Wait didn't deserve it? He didn't want it. He belonged to the night and he belongs in blood shed and mayhem. Not with this girl. Then Spike finally asked himself, what was he doing? This little girl thought he was some hero. Thought he was some human. This was crazy. He needed to get out of there. He needed normalcy where he was a demon and humans were happy meals with legs. Where he hated everyone and everyone hated him. This seemed like a dream. Hanna and her big trusting doe eyes, if Spike was the vampire he once was he would have killed her by now and be moving on to the next innocent. Not being a shy little ponce and acting like a pathetic human. "Yeah I well I'm more of the villain actually. I have to go" Spike started to walk back through the crowd. He was taking long powerful strides to get out of he club and to the real world. He felt surrounded and felt as though he was suffocating. Hanna seemed so good, and showed that this worthless species deserved saving, but he didn't want to be the one saving them. He was almost out the door when Hanna grabbed at his arm and tried to make him stop. "Spike, wait!"

"Spike!"  
Finally he turned and looked at Hanna's watering eyes. "Why are you acting this way? Did I say something wrong? Why are you angry with me?" Spike stopped at the sound of her voice. It was shaky and small, almost like she would cry.

He sighed. "Sorry love. I didn't mean to upset you. I just panicked is all." Hanna sniffled. "Why did you panic?"

Spike sighed again. Time for the truth again. "I haven't really had to deal with this in a long time. I'm not used to it."

Hanna cocked her head to one side in question. "Not used to what?"

"Being someone's hero.,, Being someone's friend."

A look of pure relief passed across Hanna's face and then she smiled a smile that Spike wanted to be just for him.

"Well I'll help you get used to it. We can do baby steps." She giggled, and Spike forgot why he wanted to leave. He smiled warmly at her, and she smiled back.

And then it hit him.

It hit Spike so hard that he almost fell from the impact.

This was what was missing.

This is what had him so angry and upset for weeks. It was Hanna. He had missed her. He missed her so bad that it ached. But then he thought, why did I miss her? And as he gazed back at Hanna with her pretty face, innocent mind, and happiness that seemed too bubble out of her, he realized what it was.

Spike, master vampire, was in love with a human girl. And he fell so fast and so hard that if he had breath he wouldn't have been able to catch it. Hanna carved out a little niche for herself in Spike's dead heart without him realizing it and now he can't stand being away from her. Another realization hit Spike as he continued to gaze at Hanna.

Now Spike knew exactly why he felt so compelled to save her that night. Why he couldn't get her out of his mind.

Spike had heard of this many times before. With other vampires from other clans…

Vampires do not choose their mates. Mates are chosen for them, and they are powerless to resist the bond that instantly forms between them. This bond is so unbreakable that if one mate dies, the other feels like death. They can feel the emotions that go through their mates. But Spike had only heard of vampires mating with other vampires because the mating is for forever, and the feelings that come with it are so strong a human could never bare them.

Never a human.

Until now.

How does Spike tell this to Hanna? How can he let her know that the reason she was feeling so upset to have him go was because he was her mate? The thing that barley even comes close to this in her world is soul mates and how can she understand this when she discovers that her "soul mate" has no soul? How can she fully understand what she is going through when she is only a child in comparison to Spike? Spike sighed. He was love's bitch again and now it was worse then before. He wanted to laugh out loud at the irony that has become his life. His grandsire Angel would sure get a kick out of this. Angel thought he had mated with a human once, Buffy to be exact. But he left her and it hurt her more than anything so far in her young life. Maybe they are mates. Spike doesn't know, but he does know that he never wanted to be like Angel, whipped by a pretty human face. And look at him now. He needed this girl, more than he needed blood, more than he needed Drusilla. That scared him. In just a short amount of time he loved Hanna more than he loved a woman he had loved for hundred years. And yes he did love Hanna, with every fiber of his being and she doesn't even know it yet. Spike looked at Hanna again. This was his mate. This is the one thing that he will exist for. So now what does he do? Looks after his mate. Watches out for her, protects her, loves her. So now the Slayer of slayers had a purpose again. But it wasn't to kill. But to love.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Confessions: **

The boy Jared came over to them just as Spike was snapping out of his realization. Spike felt instantly defensive even more so then he had before. He assumed that because he recognizes her as his mate, the feelings finally were awakened full force and any male that comes near her gives him a desire to protect and defend his mate. He growled softly under his breath as the boy neared Hanna.

Hanna smiled and waved. "What's up Jared?"

Jared looked apologetically at Hanna, and then at Spike. "Sorry Casanova, I gotta get this little lady home or her old man with have my head…or worse..." He glanced down at the front of his jeans and Hanna rolled her eyes and smacked his chest. Spike flinched slightly as she made physical contact with a male. But then Spike noticed something interesting. Hanna glanced down at her hand and rubbed it with her other one, like it had hurt her. Spike realized that because he recognizes her as his mate, her subconscious recognizes him as well.

"Come on small fry." Jared went to put his hand on Hanna's arm and before Spike could think about what he was doing shot out his hand and grabbed Hanna by the arm and pulled her to him before the boy could lay a finger on her. The twin expressions of shock and disbelief on Hanna's and Jared's faces told Spike that _that_ was not a good idea.

Jared looked at Spike skeptically. "Hey man, I said I was sorry. But I have to get Hanna home or she'll get into trouble, and so will I."

"Yeah Spike. I gotta go." Hanna was reluctant to pull away from him.

Spike let her go. "Look mate, do me a favor and let me take Hanna home." Spike saw Hanna smile out of the corner of his eye and her face brighten. Jared looked like he was about to say no when Hanna stepped in.

"Yeah, Spike knows where I live and my dad has already met him remember?"

Jared smiled. "Oh yeah, I remember that story. Man I bet it was a shocker to see Hanna all sweet and then meet her dad, all…not sweet."

Spike smiled slightly. "Yeah well best be off then." Spike took Hanna's hand without really noticing that he did it. This made Hanna blush, but she didn't pull away. Jared gave her thumbs up and walked back over to Kay and the rest of their friends. Jared whispered something into Kay's ear and she glanced over at Spike and Hanna making their way to the door.

"Hey Spike!" Kay called out. Spike and Hanna stopped and turned.

"You better take good care of our Hanna."

Spike smiled again and nodded slightly. Oh believe me, I intend to. Spike thought to himself.

They had walked in silence all the way to the cemetery by Hanna's street when Spike felt Hanna's hand shake slightly in his. He looked down and she looked like she was deep in thought, but her hand still trembled. Spike realized that it was night and his hands were cold, and this was probably very uncomfortable for Hanna, and besides she didn't ask or say she wanted to hold hands with him in the first place. Probably was just too polite to say otherwise. He released her hand and shoved both of his into his duster pockets. Hanna looked up at him and sighed then wiped her hands on her pants while trying not to draw attention to it. Spike felt hurt that she did this. She probably didn't want you touching her you fool. Spike chided himself again for his rashness.

"Sorry pet." He said quietly.

Hanna glanced at him again. "For what?" She asked with the same soft tone. He indicated toward her hand with his head.

Hanna looked down. "Oh, no I'm sorry."

Spike gave her a surprised look. "Why are you sorry?" Hanna sighed. "Well you let go of my hand because I have clammy sweating gross hands and I'm sorry but they get that way when I'm nervous and I really didn't expect you to want to hold my hand or even do it if you wanted to, not that I'm complaining or anything its just that I would like a warning or something…"

"Love, its all right. I didn't want to let go of you hand. I thought you wanted me to. I have cold hands if you didn't notice."

"Oh I didn't notice. All I pretty much noticed was you holding my hand." She laughed nervously at that. Spike smiled inwardly.

"Spike? Can I ask you a question?"

"Of coarse Love."

"Do I seem different to you?"

Spike was a little taken aback by the question. Maybe she was more perceptive then he thought. Of coarse she was different to him. She went from the pretty girl he saved, to being his entire world in just one night. She looked more beautiful, more angelic than any girl Spike had ever known. So Spike went with the literal meaning to see where she was going with her question. "Not really love."

Hanna looked deflated. "Oh. OK"

"Why do you ask? Was I supposed to notice something new about you?"

Hanna shook her head.

"Then why?"

"You are gonna think I'm totally crazy." Spike chuckled.

"You have to be pretty off your bird for me to think that."

Hanna took a deep breath. "You seem different to me, that's why I was asking."

Spike didn't know what to say because he was not expecting her to say that.

"How do I seem different?"

"Not different, like physically. I don't know how to describe it. It's like I'm noticing more about you. And I….catch myself staring at you, and I have all these new feelings and thoughts…and you probably think I'm a wacko creeper chick who should keep thoughts like that to herself."

"Great job Hanna, no wonder you've never had a boyfriend." She said under her breath.

Spike chuckled despite her seriousness. "No, no I understand what you meant love. I understand better than you know." His change in tone caused Hanna to look up at him. Spike could already see a question beginning to burn on her lips, but before she could ask, Spike grabbed her hand once more.

"Come on, its time for me to take you home." Spike knew that Hanna would take that as a subject drop, but knowing what little he did know about Hanna she will ask him later. Later. That made Spike smile. Later as in he will see her again. Later as in he will never have to be apart from her. He will watch over her and always remain close to her no matter the consequence. That thought filled Spike with a sense of poetic pride. Her knight in armor, Spike wanted to laugh out loud at the irony.

They finally came to her house on Revello Drive and once again stood awkwardly on her front steps. Spike could see through her front windows and they were brightly lit, probably her father waiting for Hanna the second she comes in. And once again Spike didn't know what to say to her. Hanna sighed nervously and Spike slid his eyes to rest on her. She was fidgeting her hands and shifting her weight from foot to foot.

Nerves are a funny thing.

As Spike was about to open his mouth and break the silence, another voice beat him to it. "What are you doing here Spike?" Spike visibly tensed when he recognized the voice. He should have smelled her a mile away, but he was too distracted with Hanna's scent. The slayer in all her annoying glory stood on the sidewalk leading up to Hanna's house.  
Hanna looked over at Buffy and smiled. "Hi Buffy… Wait you know Spike?"

Buffy looked questioning at Hanna as well. "_You _know Spike?" Then both girls looked expectantly at the vampire in question. Waiting for an explanation and by the look of their twin expressions, a confession. Buffy was not a patient person so it didn't surprise Spike when she spoke first. "Look can we talk privately, **now**." Spike sighed and rolled his eyes, he knew in order for this to work out as smoothly as it can, he needs to deal with the slayer first. Spike nodded and walked away from Hanna. When he reached her she started whispering in a harsh and angry tone.

"What do you think you are doing with her? She's my neighbor. What is this part of some sick little game at revenge against me?"

Spike narrowed his eyes. "You know Slayer, my entire existence does not revolve around you, and when I met her I didn't know she lived here." Buffy glared at his first comment and her stare turned puzzled.

"So what are you doing with her? You can't bite her, you can't kill her." Spike shook his head vehemently. "I would never want to." The panic and honesty in his eyes must have stopped Buffy's protest from leaving her lips because she stood there in silence.

"Please don't tell me you think you're in love with her." Buffy said exasperated.

Spike grinned. "OK, I don't think I love her…I know I do."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Spike this is serious! She is not just some play thing. She is a young girl with feelings and she doesn't need some monster stamping all over her heart." Spike couldn't stop the comment from leaving his lips, he instantly regretted it. "Speaking from experience Slayer?" Buffy's eyes grew hurt for a split second and then turned to anger. She marched right up to Hanna and told her. "I would stay clear away from Spike. He will do nothing but hurt you and he will enjoy every minute of it. Believe me, I should know." Then with a terrible smirk in Spike's direction, she turned on her heel and walked toward her house.

Why was Spike surprised that this happened? The slayer hated him and every time he thinks he has it right it turns out to be so desperately wrong. Spike looked up at Hanna. She was still standing on her porch, her eyes fixed on her hands and her expression looked confused. Spike sighed and walked up to her. "Hanna?" he called hesitantly.

Hanna replied in a small voice, but did not look at him. "Does she like you?" Spike almost laughed out loud. Luckily he stopped himself.

"She hates my guts pet."

Hanna asked another question is a small voice. "Do you like her?"

Spike smiled even though she couldn't see it. "No, the feelings mutual. She hates me, I hate her." Hanna took a deep breath and slowly raised her gaze to meet Spike's. What he saw in her eyes was uncertainty and a little fear, that made Spike frown. Why was she scared?

"Is what Buffy said true? Would you try and hurt me?" Spike felt like he had the wind knocked out of him. She looked so small and so fragile. All he wanted to do was curse Buffy for ever putting ideas in her head that weren't true. He loved Hanna and would never hurt her. She was too important to him. She was his life. Spike shook his head. "I will try with every bit of strength I have to make sure no one hurts you again." Hanna's expression was still hesitant. "How can I be sure I can trust you?" Spike knew how to answer that question but it was her reaction that had him almost scared. She was still so young and vulnerable and he did not want to scare her off with the intensity of his love, but in order for Hanna to trust him, he must confess his feelings. "Hanna I am going to tell you the truth, but it might be hard to swallow, and it will be scary at first but I think it'll be alright as long as you remember that what I am telling you is the truth." Hanna took a deep breath mentally preparing herself for what she thought was rejection. Spike also took a deep breath, but his was to settle the pesky nerves now squiggling through his veins and making him want to fidget. Spike looked right into Hanna's eyes and he narrowed his eyes softly. "You can trust me because I'm in love with you." Hanna gasped and looked at Spike like he was insane. "I know it sounds completely bonkers. But I…"

Spike's arms were suddenly filled with Hanna, soft, crying Hanna. She hugged him so tightly he wondered if she knew it wasn't a problem that he couldn't breath. She was crying and her hot tears were soaking through his t-shirt, it felt like a warm summer rain. Spike hugged her back, holding her flush against him, and hoping she never lets go. Hanna pulled back slightly and laughed despite the tears. Spike cocked his head in question. "Love, what's matter, why are you crying?"

Hanna shook her head and lifted her hand and wiped her eyes with it. "I don't know. I guess you just made me happy, and surprised and it was weird because I kind of knew, but wasn't sure if it was wishful thinking and it felt weird at first that you were saying it when you barley know me, but then I thought about it, it makes sense. Everything that I'm feeling and hoping for. Love is the only possible answer."

"So what are you saying? Do you..?" Spike couldn't finish the question now that he had declared his love for her, it would be so easy for Hanna to hurt him. Laugh at him, slap him, tell him to go to hell. But Hanna didn't do any of those things. She smiled sweetly up at him and said with the softest voice and sincerest of tones, "I love you too."

And the only thing Spike knew that would fit her soft declaration of love, was he gently cupped her face in both hands and slowly pressed his lips gently to hers to share their first kiss.

Thinking back on it now, Spike should have known Drusilla wasn't the one. She tasted of blood, ashes, and death when he kissed her. Her lips were cold and lacked fiery passion.

But Hanna's kisses, to Spike, tasted sweet, tasted like love, salvation. Hanna's kisses tasted of redemption.

And it was that taste that made Spike feel retched.

He told her she could trust him; that he was telling her the whole truth, and that he loved her.

But would any of that truly matter when she found out he was a monster?

A liar?

A murderer?

End of Part One: Falling

Part Two: Stumbling, will be coming very soon!


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five:****Quiet Before the Storm**

Spike whistled as he walked the familiar path along Revello Drive. He almost had a bounce to his step as he made his way to his favorite house which was ironically next to the house he hated most. But Spike didn't care about the slayer or her horrible friends. He only cared about his favorite girl and the fact that he gets to see her tonight. Spike's smile widened as his thoughts wandered to last weekend, when he had kissed her. Hanna was so surprised and so happy that she grabbed him and kissed him again and again. Sweet innocent little kisses that sent Spike to a place with clouds, wings and golden trumpets. Spike felt so contented with Hanna. He felt a peace. He was more relaxed and at home in the arms of an 18 year old girl then in his crypt.

But despite all of Spike's happiness he also felt fear.

He felt so human when he was with her. He felt so normal, like a regular man in love. She had a way of bringing that out in him with out even trying. What was worse was not only did he feel like a human, but he wanted to be like one. He was just as caught up in his new life as Hanna was, but the difference was that she was not pretending to have a heart beat.

For the second time in Spike's afterlife he regretted being a vampire. The first time was with that sodding chip. If it wasn't for his vampire status and the bloody slayer he wouldn't have been so miserable.

With the thought of the chip Spike's frown deepened.

If it hadn't been for the blasted chip he never would have met Hanna. He would probably have skipped town once he either killed the slayer or tired of trying and he never would have saved her. Spike mentally shivered and took a sharp intake of breath as he thought of what would have happened to his mate if he hadn't shown up at the right time.

But the next sound that Spike made wasn't one of surprise, but one resignation, realization (another one), and pure irony.

He was given this chip for a reason.

He was put through hell so that he could become a better man.

For Hanna.

So that he could start on a road of redemption so that when Hanna looked at him with truthful eyes she didn't see a monster.

Spike's thoughts darkened suddenly.

The powers that be pushed him on the path of redemption and he didn't know if he really wanted it.

Give up his world of beautiful violence and blood, and the night.

Give up what had been where he reigned?

The place where he felt he belonged. He had to give it up for girl?

A human girl no less.

Spike snorted at himself. Who was he trying to kid? This wasn't just any girl.

It was _the_ girl. The one that he was meant to find. The one he was meant to love.

Of coarse he will change for her. What other choice does he have? When Spike reveals that he is a vampire she will….

And there is where Spike's thought train came to a shattering halt. He had to tell Hanna at some point that the monsters from her nightmares, from the stories are true, and not only are they true, but he was one of them. He was a killer and he had to convince this sweet innocent girl that he would never hurt her. It was gonna be hard to say the least. She was frightened of humans, human men actually and now he has to tell her there are demons that hunt and kill every night? In the town she grew up in especially? He has to tell her that she lives on the mouth of hell, and then try to convince her that she can trust him after he has lied from the very beginning.

Spike sighed again. His happiness from being able to see Hanna had faded and what was left was self loathing and impending doom for any relationship he wished to have with his mate. Spike trudged up to Hanna's front door and rapped lightly. He waited patiently until finally someone opened the door. But to Spike's surprise it wasn't her father, but an attractive older woman with auburn hair and gentle green eyes. She had a mouth that it seemed as though it was built for a smile. The woman proved it with a beautiful friendly smile and then looked at Spike expectantly. "Can I help you dear?"

"Uh…yes, is Hanna in?" Spike asked respectfully.

This woman was obviously Hanna's mother, but a stark contrast to her over protective frightening father.

The woman smiled knowingly. "You must be Spike. I've heard a lot about you. I'm Mrs. Jenson, Hanna's mother. But if you behave yourself then you may call me Margaret."

Spike smiled. "Well I'll try my hardest Mrs. Jenson, but I won't make you any promises." Spike realized after he had said it that maybe that was a bad thing to say to Hanna's mother, but to his surprise again, Mrs. Jenson just smiled back.

"And he has a sense of humor. How nice. Well I will go see if our little Hanna is accepting visitors, which for you I'm sure she will." Mrs. Jenson moved briskly away from the door and disappeared back into the house. A few minutes passed by and Spike could hear Mrs. Jenson's voice and then a second voice sounding angry, must be Mr. Jenson. Spike peaked his ears to hear what they were saying.

"I don't like him."

"You don't like anyone."

"I like that Jared boy alright"

"Why? Because he is seeing someone else or because he is afraid of you?"

"Both"

"You are hopeless. She is not a little girl anymore you need to let her…"

"She's my little girl and I will not have that gang banger in this house."

Spike had to stop himself from laughing out loud. I am much worse then any gang Pops. Spike thought to himself.

"Well then you go and tell Hanna that she is not allowed to see her boyfriend because her father doesn't trust her."

"What I never said that."

"But you can't trust Hanna or her judgment of people or else this would not be an issue."

"But I…you….he…his name is Spike, Margaret! Can you trust our daughter with a Spike? And he looks old enough to be in college!"

"When I met you I was a junior is high school and you were a sophomore in college, age doesn't matter. Hanna is a senior and 18. She can make her own decisions and about his name, I hardly think his mother named him that and as I recall when I met you, you were in a band and your name was Mad Dog."

Spike was thoroughly enjoying himself. It was nice having Mrs. Jenson stick up for him. That was a change. But then Spike remembered that she wouldn't be so nice if she knew that he was responsible for a fourth of the scourge of Europe. As Spike thought about this Mrs. Jenson came back to the door looking less pleasant as when he first met her.

"I'm sorry Spike do you think that maybe you could come back tomorrow? Mr. Jenson and I have some things to discuss about the new rules and such for Hanna and it would help if I didn't have to protect you from my husband. He gets cranky if he doesn't get his nap."

Spike snickered.

"I heard that Margaret!"

"Thank you, I promise you may come back tomorrow night. Have a good night."

Spike nodded and watched as Mrs. Jenson closed the door swiftly behind her. Spike chuckled. That is one woman he does not want to mess with.

Spike didn't want to go without seeing Hanna if only for a minute. But he knew he had no choice. He sighed deflated; heavy thoughts returning as he turned and made his way down the porch steps.

Suddenly Spike stopped and turned back around. He thought he had heard his name being called softly. He waited a few seconds and then turned around again. He took one step forward and heard the noise again. He turned once more and scanned the dark yard looking for the source of the noise. Then he saw something small land in the bushes by the side of the house. Spike walked over there and picked up the small object. It was a hair clip, shaped into a butterfly with emerald stones on its wings. He knew that it must be Hanna's and he looked up to where it was thrown from Then he saw her. Hanna sticking her head out the window and looking down at him. "Hi Spike.' She whispered. Spike smiled and waved. "What are you doing love?" Spike called back quietly. Hanna blushed and Spike could see it from here. "Do you wanna come in?" Spike looked at her confused. Well of coarse he did but her mother told him no. What was Hanna getting at? Hanna must have noticed the look of confusion on his face for she pointed to the tree growing parallel to her window. Spike smiled as it dawned on him. She wanted him to sneak up into her room. Spike chuckled. She just kept surprising him. It seemed almost dirty for him to be sneaking into a little girl's bedroom at night, but looking up at Hanna's excited face, he knew that that would never stop him. Its not like his conscious has been his guide for many years, actually it never has. He gracefully climbed the tree and jumped noiselessly to her roof. Hanna took a step back away from the window. Spike put his body as close to the open window as he could get before the barrier was activated.

Spike began to panic a little.

How would he get Hanna to say that he could come in? It would look fishy if he asked seriously because she assumed that if he climbed up there he was going to come inside. So he quickly came up with a plan.

He looked at Hanna with a smirk. "May I come in little girl?"

Hanna giggled and shook her head.

Spike raised his eyebrows. "No? Don't you want me to come inside?"

Hanna was blushing and trying not to giggle. She shook her head no again. Spike smirked again. "What if I said I have a treat for you if you let me in?" Hanna snapped her head up and looked around him expectantly to see a parcel.

"What is it?" She finally asked.

"You'll have to let me in to find out."

"Well then hurry up and come in then."

Spike climbed through the window and sauntered over to Hanna. He stood before her waited for her to ask…

"Well what is the treat?"

Spike closed the gap between them, grasped Hanna's upper arms and pulled her flush against him. He wrapped one arm around her waist and with the other hand tilted her chin until she was looking up at him. He then brought his lips to hers and kissed her deeply.

He finally let Hanna up to breath and she was panting; trying to regain her breath and composure.

"Well that was some treat Spike." She blushed as she looked at him.

Spike shrugged. "I thought you might like it. So this is your room eh?" Spike asked as clasped his hands behind his back and walked around her room. He stopped by her desk and looked at the neat pile of school text books on one side and picture frames on the other. One picture intrigued Spike more than the others. He picked it up and examined it. It was Hanna and her two friends from the other night, Kay and what ever his name was and its obviously Halloween. Kay is dressed as a nurse, an inappropriate one of coarse and the boy was dressed as a doctor. But Hanna had an unusual costume. She had on a long, tight black dress and small fangs are protruding from her upper lip. She has dark gray around her eyes, almost like smoke and her lips are glistening red. The color of ripe cherries. Spike raised his eyebrows and stared at her. She looked beautiful and surprisingly sexual for Hanna.

"What are you looking at so seriously?" Hanna asked and walked over to where Spike was standing frozen with the picture frame.

"Oh that, it was Halloween last year. I look weird huh?"

Spike had to try very hard to extract his eyes from the picture. "A vampire eh?"

Hanna blushed. "Yeah."

"What made you choose that costume beside the fact you look absolutely delicious in it." Spike smirked at her blush and Hanna answered his question. "You are gonna think I am totally weird, but I am really fascinated by them." Spike must have looked as surprised as he felt because Hanna continued in a rush. "Not the corny Dracula stories where they are allergic to garlic or can turn into bats. I like legends of vampires. The ones that were made from demon and man. It is so interesting, and you are looking at me like I'm a freak so I'm going to shut up now." Hanna quickly shut her mouth and looked sheepish. Spike simply started are her in question. Does this means she knows? Has a clue maybe? Because of her fascination would it make it easier to tell her? Should I tell her? Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. "Hanna there is something that I want to…" There was a rattling of her door knob and Hanna looked quickly up at Spike with scared eyes.

"Hanna? What are you doing in there?' The sound of her father's voice came muffled through the door. Hanna pushed Spike towards her closet. "Please Spike, just for a few minutes while my dad says good night. Please?"

"Alright love no need to panic. Just don't look like your in trouble and you won't be." Spike moved swiftly into her closet and closed her door to where there was a sliver of an opening for him to see.

He almost wished he hadn't.

With the rush of almost being caught and the anticipation of telling Hanna his secret, Spike forgot that Hanna was not wearing any night clothes and her father was obviously expecting her to be in bed if Spike wasn't coming to visit her. He growled out loud with wanting as he watched Hanna quickly changed into her pajamas.

He tried to feel ashamed about looking at her, but as she changed Spike wished it was in slow motion.

It was just plain difficult to have his beautiful mate so close to him. He was mesmerized by the naked skin of her back watching her shoulder blades move with her actions of dressing and following her naked spine down her back and to the start of her back side. Oh the images that went through his mind of touching her soft pale skin and making that spine arch and tremble. And as his eyes traveled down he was only more pleased with the flash of powder blue cotton underwear with little white flowers printed on them. Very cute and innocent, just like Hanna. Again Spike wanted to feel ashamed. He wanted to feel dirty, but he would never push her to do anything but honestly he loved his mate, and with this strong and intense love comes intense desire and passion as well. Hanna must have detected his emotions and his desires because she froze buttoning her top and slowly turned around. She looked at the closet in a way she has never looked at him before. Spike could almost see fire in her blue eyes and he was lying if he said he didn't want it to be real, to be for him, and to be passion. Hanna walked slowly to the closet almost frightened. She was trembling with nerves and Spike was just about to open the door when…

"Young lady, open this door right this minute!"

Hanna seemed to snap out of it and give Spike a scared and confused look and then quickly unlocked the door and let her father in. "Why was the door locked Hanna Marie?"

Hanna smiled apologetically. "Sorry Dad. I was changing."

Hanna crawled into bed and her father came and sat on the edge of it. "Hanna I want to talk to you about something."

"Cant it wait for tomorrow dad I'm really tired and I have school in the morning."

"I know sweet heart, but I just want to ask you some questions."

Hanna looked curiously at her father and his serious expression. "OK Dad go ahead."

"Its about Spike."

Spike narrowed his eyes and was waiting for what he would say next. If he tried to talk Hanna out of seeing him, Spike didn't know if he could control his temper.

"What about it him?"

Her father sighed. "Well I just don't see how a girl like you could be with a guy like him."

Spike had to suppress a growl in anger, but at the same time wanted to know how she would answer the question. He wanted to know what she thought as well. Hanna sat up a little in her bed. "Dad, what do you mean a guy like him?"

"I just mean that you have such a bright future, and he doesn't even have a job. He's not in school. Where do you see yourself in 5 years honey? Where do you see this Spike in 5 years?"

Hanna was starting to look angry. "You wanna know where Spike will be in 5 years? With me. And he may not be doing so well right now, but give him a chance. He's smart and talented and he can do what ever he sets his mind to."

Spike smiled. That's my girl. Sticking up for me against her old man. Hanna's father stood up and walked to the door.

"Good night honey. We can talk more about this later. But I want you to think about what I said. And I understand that Spike will be with you in 5 years, but will you _really _be with Spike?"

Hanna just looked at her father and waited patiently for him to close the door behind him. When Spike heard his footsteps retreating back down the steps he walked out of the closet and swiftly locked Hanna's bedroom door. "I'm sorry about my father Spike. He means well." Spike walked over to where Hanna was laying. "I know love. I understand. He wants to protect his little girl, and rightly so. I know I'm not much and I certainly don't deserve a bright and pretty girl like you." Hanna blushed but then shook her head. "Please don't talk like that. You are more important to me than anyone else in the world." Spike looked surprised at her words. "I am?" Hanna nodded. "Of coarse. I love you." She said this shyly. Spike could tell she wasn't really used to saying it or feeling it yet. But he smiled none the same. "I love you too pet. I probably should get going though." Hanna's face fell. "Why?"

"Didn't you say you were tired?"

"Well yes, but I was trying to get my dad to leave, and even if I was I don't want you to go. Please don't go."

Her expression made Spike resolve melt. She looked so small in her big bed and her eyes were wide twin pools of blue. He wanted to hold her and make her feel alright again.

"Alright love. I will stay until you are asleep."

Hanna smiled brightly. "Thank you."

Spike walked over to the seat by the window sill.

"Spike?" He stopped and turned towards Hanna.

"Yes love?"

Hanna was blushing and she looked like she wanted to say something. She kept taking an intake of breath preparing to say whatever it was but then she would expel it again. Her hesitation intrigued Spike.

"What is it?" he coaxed.

She looked shyly down at her hands. "Um can you maybe…um…sit…over here….with me?" Hanna scooted over to where she was on the half of the bed.

Spike was surprised that such a shy girl like her would want him to lay in the same bed with her. After all the passion in her eyes from before was only triggered from sensing his strong and uncontrollable desires. But he wanted to be close to her more than anything; to feel her warm body pressed against his, but it didn't have to be sexual…yet.

He walked over to the bed and sat down. He swung his legs over and opened his arm inviting Hanna to curl at his side. She pressed her self against his side resting her head down to rest on his shoulder and laying her hand on his chest. He encircled her and held her tightly. Spike held on so tightly because he wanted to let Hanna know that he will never let go of her. Not her body and not her heart. He wanted to give her an unspoken gesture of his love. A physical representation of his devotion. She sighed contently and snuggled down deeper into her blankets and Spike's side. She sighed again and then…she was instantly asleep.

Spike smiled at her soft snoring and enjoyed just holding her. She was so soft and warm. Like a small kitten, but from the fire he saw tonight, could also be hiding a wild cat. A lot of things about this new relationship just kept surprising him though. Spike was more comfortable in her little girl's room then he had ever felt in over 100 years. He rested his head against his mate's soft fragrant hair and his eyes began to droop. He tried to pop them open but they began to droop again.

Maybe he could close his eyes for just second and then he would leave.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Truth**

Spike awoke to blinding pain in his hand. His eyes popped open and looked down as his hand started to smoke. He let out a small gasp and cursed under his breath. He quickly got up and closed the curtains before Hanna woke up to a big pile of ash

With the thought of Hanna, Spike turned to look at her. She looked so young lying in her bed with pale green sheets and a big soft matching comforter. Her pillow case had Whinnie the Pooh on it and also matched her bed set. Spike sighed. She was still very young, even if she was considered an adult by law; she was still in high school and still naïve to so many things in the world. Spike had seen horrible things, done horrible evil things and yet when he looked at Hanna sleeping softly all of his demonic desires left him and his only humanity remained. He walked over to the bed and gently moved the hair from her face. She was snoring softly, almost like the purr of a kitten. He smiled. She was beautiful. She looked like an angel, and here he was in love with an angel when he was the devil. Trapping a sweet girl like Hanna with lies of humanity when he had none to give her. He was lucky that he had awoken first. Hanna would surely notice something was off when he set on fire or had no heart beat. He sighed with heavy thoughts. He needed to tell her the truth. He needed to be completely open and honest with her so they could move on with their relationship. He needed her to know what kind of monster she was with, for heaven knew that someone from his world would notice her. Smell his scent all over her and try and harm her to get to him. Spike sat on the side of the bed and put his head in his hands. What am I gonna do? He thought. As the last sigh escaped his lips he felt Hanna stir next to him. Heard her heart beat quicken as a sign she was waking up.

He turned and came face to face with beautiful blue eyes. Spike smiled into them. "Good morning love"

Hanna blushed. "Good morning Spike."

She sat up and stretched and let out a kitten like yawn. As she stretched Spike's eyes moved to rest on her body. The blanket had slipped and revealed a tight button up top, soft pale blue to match her cute little underwear. The thin material hugging tightly to her curves. Spike could see the outline of her breasts and it instantly made Spike ache with wanting. Hanna must had noticed for her put her arms down blushing as she did so. "What is it Spike?" "Do I look that horrible in the morning?"

Spike slowly raised his eyes to meet hers, and her playful smile was wiped away and replaced with surprise as she saw the passion, desire, and heat from his expression. Her cheeks reddened again. No one had ever looked at her like that before.

Spike answered her in a husky tone. "You love look more sexy to me then any other vixen I had ever known. I was only appreciating what a gorgeous woman I have the pleasure of sharing this bed with."

Hanna's eyes widened. "Um yes well, um thank you. I have to get ready for school."

Hanna uncovered herself and stood up. Spike could not help himself from the growl that escaped his lips. The matching shorts were just as thin and he could see every outline. Spike's eyes trailed down her hour glass figure. From her slim waist to her womanly flared hips, then down to her muscular shapely thighs, and back up to finally rest on her amazing back side. Spike was so used to vampire women, like Drusilla, slim, athletic and rock hard. Or the slayer and her friends which were also very small and slim. That was nice, but this girl looked so soft and womanly, and inviting that he had no choice but to stare at her body. Hanna walked to the closet and grabbed some clothes off the hangers. She then walked over to her dresser by the window, but stopped and turned to Spike.

"Um would you mind, um closing your eyes for a sec?"

Spike raised his brows. "What for love?"

Hanna blushed. "Um I need to grab um some underwear and a bra so um.." Spike chuckled low in his throat. "Its nothing I haven't seen before love." Hanna reddened further. "Yes well, you haven't seen mine."

Spike nodded. "Very true , so why waist a perfect learning opportunity for me to see now." He sucked his cheeks into a cocky grin.

Hanna laughed and rolled her eyes. "Come on Spike, I'm not gonna show you my underwear."

Spike huffed in mock hurt. "Well fine then, just stab a man in the heart." Hanna rolled her eyes again. "Now close your eyes."

Spike did as she asked and closed his eyes. It was a good thing he loved her or this wouldn't have been an issue. He would have seen much more than her underwear and he would have done much more than sleep next to her. But he wanted their first time to be special. And then his thoughts froze. Hanna had to be a virgin, by the pure fact she was too shy to show even her underwear. Did he really want her first time to be with a monster? Someone cold and dead? Spike already knew that he could never stand another man touching her, but he had to wonder if he again was the best choice for her. Spike sagged his shoulders. He either had to tell her the truth or break it off with her, and he knew he wasn't strong enough for that. Spike mentally set aside his nerves and decided that he had to tell her tonight. He knew it wouldn't be good. She would think he was crazy. Even if she believed him she wouldn't want anything to do with him after she found out he had killed for fun, and that he needed blood to live, and that he didn't actually live, but that he was dead and would outlive her hundreds of years. She will want something normal. The slayer did, she wanted it more than her very life. Spike knew that the main reason Buffy wanted normalcy was because the great poofter wanted her to have it. But Hanna would want it because that is all she had ever known. Her thinking she was dating an older man was almost too much for her. Yeah Spike knew it wouldn't be good. But the one thing he never wanted. The one thing he gets sick just thinking about…is his Hanna looking at him with fear in her eyes. Looking at him the way she looked at the man trying to rape her.

Hanna finally came out of the bathroom looking beautiful as always. She was wearing dark blue jeans and small tight black t-shirt with a picture of a cartoon kitten playing with a little red ball. She had no make up on except for her lip gloss which made her soft lips look as enticing as candy. Spike smiled as she sat down.

"Hey, you look pensive, everything ok in there?" Hanna asked as she brushed her fingers across his forehead.

Spike closed his eyes and reveled in her soft caress. "Yeah love, just thinking about tonight."

Hanna tilted her head to the side in confusion. "Tonight? What's tonight?" Spike sighed and looked at her with sadness." I need to talk to you about something."

Hanna looked even more panicked. "This isn't the 'we need to talk' speech is it?" Hanna looked like she was already on the verge of tears.

Spike quickly rushed to comfort her. "No, no sweetheart! I will never leave you. As long as you want me I'm here." Spike thought about how he had worded it. "As long as you want me" Yeah she isn't going to want me after tonight. She may want me to leave, she may want me to never speak to her again, hell she may even want me dead, but she will never want me. Spike put his arm around her and pulled her close.

She snuggled into his side and sniffled. "Ok good because I was going to kick your butt."

Spike chuckled softly. "Yes I'm sure you would too love."

Hanna raised her head a little so Spike could hear her. "Then what do you need to tell me?"

Spike's tone grew soft and serious. "I need to tell you about my past." Hanna was surprised by this and all she could say was "Oh."

Just has Hanna was about to say more, there was a small knock at the door. "Hanna sweetie, are you ready? We need to leave if we wanna get our usual." It was Margaret.

"Ok Mom, I'll be down in five."

Spike listened to her mother's retreating steps and then pulled Hanna even closer in a tight hug. Hanna wrapped her arms around Spike's middle and squeezed. She looked up at him and smiled. Spike narrowed his eyes tenderly on hers. She was giving him the sweetest look that he couldn't help but gently pull her into a tender kiss. His lips moving softly over hers. Hanna parted her lips a little and Spike took that opportunity to gently suck her full bottom lip into his mouth. Hanna suppressed a sigh and grabbed him tighter. Spike took it as a sign of pleasure. As they parted Spike continued to look into her eyes.

Hanna let out a small contented sigh. "I love you."

Spike was taken aback by her surprised declaration. People never told him they loved him unless they were provoked by a disaster or if he said it first. But here this little girl was telling him those three magic words when all he had done was given her a small kiss. "I love you too pet. More than you will ever know."

"I should really go. My mom is waiting for me in the car. We need to get to the coffee shop before I'm late for school."

"Is that what the usual is? Coffee with your mum?"

Hanna nodded. "Coffee for mom, hot chocolate for me., and we get some sort of treat, like a donut or muffin."

Spike looked at Hanna with warmth. She really was cute and innocent. It'll be hard to hurt her. Spike's thoughts suddenly took a dangerous turn for the worst. He'll have to hurt her in order to protect her from something worse and more dangerous than him. Something more evil than a lover's betrayal. Although in Spike's mind there is nothing more evil.

Spike sighed. "Alright love, go to school. I'll pick you up tonight ok?" Hanna nodded and smiled. As she stood Spike grabbed a hold of her arm and bent her down to meet his lips for a kiss.

When they parted he whispered. "I love you."

Hanna smiled sweetly, "I love you too. My dad leaves in ten minutes so you should be good in like fifteen. Thanks again for staying the night. See you tonight."

And with that Hanna grabbed her school bag and left. Closing the door softly behind her. Spike put his head in his hands, thoughts returning to the horrible thing he had to do to his mate. Shatter her world, admit to his betrayal and then try to rebuild it again with precautions and warning labels on what it takes to be with him. Spike knew Hanna would think it wasn't worth it, and Spike agreed with her.

******Later that Night******************************************

Spike fidgeted nervously with his lighter as he waited on the porch for Hanna to get ready. He had showed up ten minutes early to help prepare him self for the show and tell act he was about to put on for Hanna. He sighed again and looked at the front door. Women take so bloody long to get ready. She was probably trying to look her best for him. It would all be in vain in a few hours. Finally Hanna walked out of the front door and shut it behind her. Spike looked over her outfit. She was wearing the same outfit she had been this morning only with an emerald green knit sweater over it and instead of sandals she was wearing sneakers. He was glad that she had read his instructions. Before he left her house Spike found stationary and a pen to leave Hanna the time and appropriate attire for their meeting tonight. He said wear comfortable walking shoes, pants and something to keep warm. The graveyard was a tad chilly at night and the shoes were for in case she needed to run, whether from a demon or him.

"Hey Spike, so where are you taking me?"

Spike grabbed her hand and started making his way to Restfield Cemetery. "Some where I should have taken you weeks ago."

Hanna looked up at him with confusion and he just kept his eyes forward not willing to look into her trust filled eyes. As they walked Spike could feel confusion and a tint of hurt in Hanna. He knew he was being distant, but he had to in order to have the strength to finally be honest with her. She kept stealing glances at him and he kept his eyes forward knowing that if he looked at her, he would never tell her. He did allow himself to have a constant grip on her hand, which was holding onto his just as tightly. He knew she could feel the fear in him, and the sadness. She probably wouldn't ask him about it because she was still getting used to the bond and because she didn't know what the bond even was between them yet. That would also change tonight too. Everything would change tonight. This was the pinnacle moment of their relationship. Either she accepted this and him, or she would be scared and never trust him again. Either he would walk out of here with his mate, or he will be alone and miserable.

As the cemetery came into view, Hanna looked at Spike with even more confusion. "Spike, please tell me we're not going in there."

Spike sighed and looked at Hanna out of the corner of his eye. "Afraid so love."

As they approached the gate Spike held it open for her and coaxed Hanna to go through. Hanna stepped into the cemetery with uncertainty and waited for Spike to come to her side. Spike closed the gate and grabbed Hanna's hand once more. He weaved their way through tombstones and when they arrived at a familiar mausoleum he stopped.

Hanna looked around nervously and rubbed her arm with her free hand. "Spike why are we here? Its creepy."

Spike sighed and looked at Hanna with sad eyes. "I need to show you a few things. Some you won't like, well you probably wont like any of it."

"Spike why don't you just tell me what's going on and why we are in the cemetery at ten at night and in front of this big marble thingy." Hanna was growing inpatient and Spike was growing more scared by the minute.

Spike walked over to the mausoleum and creaked open the door. Spike beckoned Hanna to come to him. "Come on love."

"I'm not going in there. Spike that's someone's _grave_."

"Not anymore, now it's something else."

Hanna folded her arms across her chest. "Oh yeah? What is it now?"

"My home."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Fighting**

"I'm sorry, your what?" Hanna asked skeptically.

Spike sighed. "This is my home Hanna. This is where I come too every night when I say good bye to you."

Hanna raised her brows in confusion. "It doesn't look like anyone lives here. Where's your bed, fridge, TV, anything?"

"Well it wouldn't look like that because all my stuff is on the bottom level."

"Spike this is a grave there is no bottom level."

Spike walked a little ways to the ladder. "Care to find out love?"

Hanna followed Spike's eyes and looked down the hole. There was a soft glow illuminated from the bottom level, but it still didn't look very homey from up here. "Come on love. I'll be right behind you." Spike coaxed as he gave Hanna a little push. She started down the ladder and Spike followed closely after her.

When Spike reached the bottom he saw Hanna was frozen to the spot looking around the large room. A huge bed with black satin sheets, blood red comforter and feathered pillows donned the far left corner. Two wooden bookshelves crammed with books on the other side of the room. Candles covered every surface including the fridge, and the small mahogany dresser that held his clothes. Spike had bought the comforter and the candles before he came to Hanna's so it would look as comfortable as possible while still looking like he lived there. Hanna took a deep breath. "It's…"

"I know it's hard to accept at first, but…"

"…beautiful"

Spike looked over at her quickly. "What?"

"Its beautiful Spike."

"Not expecting you to say that love." Spike was sure she'd be yelling at him by now or at least thinking of the quickest exit. Certainly not complementing him on his décor. Hanna didn't respond, but walked around the large underground room. She passed his brown armchair and small TV. He had brought them down a few weeks ago for fear of the slayer breaking them when she was angry. Spike winced as she passed the fridge where he kept his blood. He willed her not to open it. Things were going better than he expected and he didn't want to bollocks it up just yet. He relaxed when she walked passed it. Hanna came back around and stood in front of him expectantly. "How long?"

Spike cocked his head to the side. "How long what pet?"

"How long have you been living like this?"

Spike took a deep breath. "About a year."

"So let me get this straight. You have been living in a graveyard in a grave no less for a year?" Hanna asked her tone becoming accusatory.

"Wait, just a second ago you were saying it was beautiful." Spike knew he shouldn't talk back to her, but he was on enough of an emotional roller coaster as it was. He needed her to have one emotion and stick with it. But she is doing better than he thought.

"Yeah that was before I knew my boyfriend was living like this for a year and hasn't done anything to change it. Spike I know you're strong. And yet here you are hiding in a graveyard underground like some mole. Are you scared of something? Is someone after you Spike? Do you owe someone money? Have you even been looking for somewhere else to live? Did you just give up because you were homeless, poor, scared, what is it?" Hanna was obviously upset, but not for the reason Spike expected. Hanna has always told Spike that she believed in him ever since they got together. And now he looks like he's given up. He must seem confident to her. She probably hasn't been around many men like him, granted she hasn't been around many men who were born in the 18th century either. Hanna wasn't angry because he had let her down. She was angry because it appeared as though he had let himself down. Once again Spike was reminded of how much he didn't deserve such a sweet girl. That seemed to be the theme of their relationship. And now he had to tell her the exact reason why he chose to live in a graveyard. It's where dead things belong and that's all he was just another dead thing.

"There's more I need to tell you."

Hanna looked up at his scared. "There's more?"

"Much more, I haven't told you everything yet. You may want to sit down love."

Spike sat on the bed and Hanna followed suite and turned herself to face him.

"Last night you said you were fascinated by vampires."

Hanna nodded, "Yeah you commented on my costume."

Spike smiled weakly. "You really did look beautiful."

Hanna blushed.

Spike went on. "Well I thought it would help you accept that those stories, the ones you are interested in finding out more, they are…real." Spike quickly looked down at Hanna to gage her reaction. At first her expression seemed frozen in place. The she started to slowly smile. This confused Spike until she burst out laughing. Spike rolled his eyes. He was right. This was going to be long night. Hanna finally gained control of herself and wiped her eyes from the tears of laughter. "You almost had me going there for a second."

She smiled at Spike but it quickly faded when she saw he wasn't smiling with her. "You were kidding right? I mean you don't live in a graveyard, and you really don't think vampires are real do you?"

Spike shook his head. "I don't think vampires are real."

Hanna visibly relaxed.

"I know they are."

Hanna continued to look at Spike's serious expression. "Ok either you are crazy, in which case I need to leave. You are playing this elaborate joke on me to tease me about something I told you that was very personal and very embarrassing. Something I never even told my parents. In which case I also need to leave. Since I know you aren't crazy I guess I'll have to go with the latter." Hanna stood and started for the ladder.

Spike quickly stepped in front of her. "Would you be willing to let me prove it you?"

"Oh come one Spike. How stupid do you think I am? Is this you trying to be cool? Trying to convince me your actual name is Spike. That you actually live in a graveyard. And that you are the only person to ever see a real vampire? Stop lying to me and please just tell me what is really going on!" Hanna was huffing from her outburst. Spike remained surprisingly calm. If she knew the truth she wouldn't be yelling at him. She would be yelling and running away from him.

"Please love, just trust me this last time."

Hanna looked into Spike's hopeful eyes and released her defensive stance with her arms folded against her chest. When she spoke her tone was quieter. "Ok Spike. I will trust you because I love you."

Spike winced at her words. He knew that this was the last time he'd ever hear them come from Hanna. Come from his mate. Come from anyone.

When Spike and Hanna reached the outside of the crypt Spike hesitantly reached for Hanna's hand. He needed her to keep up with him and this was the only way he could thin of besides carrying her. She slowly slipped her hand in his. Spike then realized that this was probably the last time he would ever hold her hand as well. He gently squeezed, reassure her and himself. Spike stole a glance over at Hanna. She was quiet now, subdued. Probably because she thought the man she was in love with was crazy and a liar. One of which being true. Spike led her deeper into the graveyard through a maze of tombstones. They finally stopped at a clearing where there weren't many graves. Spike knew something would happen here. He read the obituaries every morning in case he needed to blow off steam or know when to leave so the slayer wouldn't come a bother him. A young man had died last night due to a "barbeque fork accident", and that meant that he would be rising tonight. Spike turned to Hanna, a serious expression written all over his face.

"Ok love, here is where you really need to trust me. This is going to sound completely bonkers what I'm about to tell you, so you just have to trust me." Hanna looked up at him wearily, "You mean like trusting you that there are vampires?"

Spike sighed. "Please love, please just do as I say." Hanna nodded. Spike took a deep breath. "Hide behind this gravestone. No matter what you see or hear, do not come out from this hiding spot, unless I tell you to do so. And if I say run, you run. If I say leave me behind, you leave me behind. Got it?"

Hanna sighed. "Whatever you say Spike."

Hanna crouched down behind the tombstone and looked up at him. Spike knew she was only humoring him. She thought he was insane or a really big jack ass. He felt like a bit of both. He was putting his mate in potential danger on purpose. It was only a fledgling, but who knew what could happen. It would only take one second and she could get hurt or worse. But it was necessary for her over all safety. She needed to know that things really did go bump in the night. Spike walked over to the grave he knew the vamp would come out of. Timothy West, only twenty-two. Poor lad. Just at the wrong place at the wrong time. Spike thought about how this kid had thoughts, dreams, hopes, and loves. Now all he would crave was blood, death and violence. Sadly he wouldn't even make it past tonight. Spike was brought out of his thoughts when he heard scratching and clawing just below the surface. Spike turned sharply to Hanna and put his fingers to his lips for her to be quiet. She simply rolled her eyes. Finally a clawed hand emerged from the dirt and then an arm, another hand and head followed soon after. Spike heard Hanna's heart beat speed up along with her breathing. But Spike needed to stay focused on the fledgling. He waited as the vampire made it completely out of the grave before he pulled the stake from his duster pocket. The fledgling growled loudly and charged at Spike knowing instinctively that he was a huge threat. Clods of dirt still hanging from his blonde hair and clinging to his navy blue suite the spitting vampire tried with all his might to knock Spike to the ground, but Spike had a hundred plus years on him and already anticipated his moves. Spike punched him square in the jaw then kicked him straight in the chest so that he landed flat on his back. Spike took this moment to look over at Hanna. She eyes wide with shock, her mouth hanging open. Her heart beat sporadic. Spike was distracted long enough for the vampire to charge him and land with his knees digging into Spike's chest.

The vampire was about to strike when Hanna screamed. "Spike no!"

The vampire snapped his head up to see Hanna standing, completely revealed and shaking with fear. The vampire quickly launched himself from Spike and sprinted towards Hanna who screamed again, a blood curdling scream and started to run. Spike had only heard her scream like that once before. He flipped back onto his feet and ran after the vampire and Hanna. Spike changed into game face in order to hone his senses and be able to push past him limitations easier. He caught up with them in just enough time to see the vampire slam Hanna against the wall. She sagged against it heavily and slid towards the ground. The vampire picked her back up by the throat and roared at her. As Spike drew closer he could smell blood and he knew that she was badly hurt. Spike raced over to them and just as the vampire leaned in close to Hanna's throat Spike grabbed the vampire's head with both hands and twisted it clean off. As ash rained down on them Spike looked down at Hanna's ashen face, her wide eyes, trembling lips, and shaking body. Spike felt pain in his heart. What has he done? He only wanted to show her the truth, not bash her in the head with it. She looked so scared, even more scared then the night he first met her. But men who tried to assault a girl at a party is more believable then a man bursting into dust. Spike crouched down and reached out a hand to her. He retracted it quickly when he saw Hanna scoot as far away from him as she could get with the wall behind her. She was breathing fast and blood was tricking from a long and angry gash on her forehead. "Love it's alright, the vampire is gone. I took care of it. Please, its alright." Spike tried again to touch her. He put his hand on her shoulder. She flinched and mumbled something that he couldn't quite make out. "What is it love?" Hanna raised her eyes to meet his. They were filled with cold fear and confusion. "Get you hand off me."

Spike quickly moved it. "I was only trying to…"

"Stop talking, you aren't Spike. I don't know what you are, but you need to get away from me."

Spike reached up and felt the defined ridges of his brow, his elongated fangs, and realized he was still in game face. What he must look like to her? With her being hurt, he had forgotten. No wonder she didn't want him touching her. Spike nodded dumbly and stood up. He moved a little ways away from her and sat on a tombstone. Hanna tried to stand, she leaned heavily on the wall and her legs were trembling. She had probably never been this badly hurt before. She needed to do to the hospital, the blood hadn't stopped flowing and she would grow weaker with every step. Hanna again tried to move from the wall, but the weight of everything that happened was too much and she crumbled to the ground. She started to cry and Spike couldn't help himself as he rushed to her side.

He grabbed her hand. "Let go of me." She cried harder and tried with her little strength to pull away from him.

"Hanna I need to get you somewhere safe. There'll be more them that will smell blood. I need to get you out of here. I will carry you back to your mum and dad's alright?" Spike tried one more time to touch her and Hanna flinched but didn't pull away. She simply lay there, as he picked her up. Her survival instincts must have kicked in and she knew that this was the only possible outcome. He cradled her in his arms as he moved briskly through the cemetery. Spike looked down at Hanna, her eyes unfocused, not really looking at anything. She looked numb to her surroundings, numb to him. He wondered if the bond was still working. Even if she was angry at him she should be able to feel the love, and concern coming through him. Well maybe the bond didn't work if one mate hated the other. Spike didn't know much about mating, but he had thought a mate could never hate the other. Maybe it was only true of vampires and not little human girls.

They were almost to Hanna's house when Spike set her down on a park bench. He crouched in front of her and tried to wipe some of the blood from her head so when she saw her parents they wouldn't panic too much.

Hanna finally spoke. "You lied to me." Spike snapped his eyes to her, but they were closed.

"I know pet, and I'm so sorry. Sorry doesn't really cover it I know, but…"

"Not about this, you told me you wouldn't let anything hurt me."

Her words tore through Spike like a jagged blade. He had promised her that, and at the first chance he got to prove it he had failed. Failed her as protector and as mate.

"I'm sorry." He finished cleaning her up as best he could and stood up. "I'm going to pick you up again ok?" Hanna didn't respond. Just sat there in silence. Spike wished she would say something. Anything, yell at him, tell him off, whisper, anything. He picked her back up and made the rest of the way to her house.

He set her down on the porch swing and rang the doorbell. He had already formulated a lie and knew that Hanna had enough sense not to question his decision to lie to her parents. She probably didn't want them to know either. Spike was thankful when Margaret opened the door.

"Oh hello Spike. You're lucky Mr. Jenson isn't…Hanna? What's wrong with Hanna? What happened?"

She rushed over to Hanna's side. "Spike?" She looked up at him with worry and concern.

"We were mugged."

"Oh my God. Are you alright Spike?"

Spike nodded. "I left her alone for just a second."

Margaret 's eyes filled with tears. "Oh my poor little baby girl. Come one lets get you inside and cleaned up. Spike help me with her."

Spike picked her up again and followed Margret in.

"Set her on the couch dear. I'll go get the first aid kit." Spike set her down as he was instructed and stood awkwardly in the middle of the room. Hanna still hadn't spoken t him since the park bench and he wanted to make sure she was alright. "How are holding in there?"

Hanna looked over at him. "How do you think I'm doing Spike?"  
"Right, I guess that was a stupid question."

"I'm not okay Spike."

"Is there anything I can do to make this easier on you? I just want you to…"  
"You can leave."

Spike's eyes widened. He knew this was coming. He knew she would be angry. But no amount of preparing to have ever gotten him ready for the hatful look in her eyes. Her quiet serious tone as she told him to leave. Or the way she refused to look at him after those words left her mouth. "Ok honey, I'm going to fix you all up and then set you up on the couch ok? I'll call your dad when I'm finished. Spike if you'd like something from the kitchen while you wait help yourself." Spike shook himself out of his misery long enough to say.

"No thank you Margate. I think I'll go home and let you tend to Hanna."

"Oh are you sure dear?"

"Yeah, it would be best. Good night."

Spike walked through their front door and out into the night air. The misery from the rejection by his mate already threatening to consume his into misery. He needed to get away from her house, away from her scent. He needed to get away from the look in her eyes. She hated him. He was never going to see her again. The only small comfort he had was now she would be more carful at night. She would be safer now that she knew the truth.

Spike made it back to his crypt and went down to the lower level. He was hungry. He hadn't eaten since the night before he slept in Hanna's bed. That memory seemed more like a distant dream then reality. They were so happy then. She was happy with him. Ready to really start their relationship. It was weird to think they had only been a couple for two weeks. It had already felt like an eternity to Spike. An eternity of perfection and happiness. Happiness that he had never felt before and now without her he felt cold, and more dead then he has ever felt. Spike fell flat on his bed. He buried his face into the mattress and just lay there not moving. He tears that he had been holding back since he carried Hanna home flowed freely. He didn't care anymore who saw. A small sob escaped his lips. He must have looked ridiculous. A master vampire sobbing on his bed like some teenage girl. But he didn't care. He didn't care about anything anymore. The only thing he was absolutely certain about was that he needed to get the hell out of SunnyDale. And this time… he could never come back.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: The Return**

Spike let the remains of his cigarette burn until he had just the ashes. He had totally forgotten he had lit one again. Too lost in his own thoughts to notice anything around him. He blew the rest of the smoke into the dark sky and looked over at the moon. He wondered if she was looking at the same moon. But then he cursed himself. He shouldn't be thinking of such things, he couldn't bare the thoughts, the memories still so fresh in his mind even though it had been awhile since he had left SunnyDale. Spike sighed. The night he left so clear and engrained into his memory, his nightmares.

"_You can leave." _

The way Hanna had spoken those words had cut through Spike. Had made his heart hurt and his head go fuzzy. He had tried to picture how she would react, but he cursed himself for his foolishness. He was so captivated by the idea of having a mate that he never really prepared himself for rejection. He honestly thought it would have worked itself out in the end. A mate was all he had ever wanted ever since he had become a vampire. He asked Dru so many times if they could claim each other as mates, but she always said no. If she were to have a mate, it would have to be her "daddy". The ponce Angel. It had hurt him of course. But there was always a voice in the back of his head saying there might be something more. There might be that girl out there who you would just know was the one. He wanted someone to love him with the same intensity as he loved. He loved with all of himself and let all of his emotions rest in his eyes so his girl could see that she was the most important thing in his entire world. But time and time again he was proved wrong. Until Hanna came along and changed his unlife forever. He had always assumed his mate would be a vampire, or at least some immortal creature, not a little human girl. He loved her all the same though. But that fateful night when he had screwed up everything and made her hate him, that was the night he wished for a good dusting. He had cried like a little girl and then decided that he needed to get himself up and get out of there. So he packed all of his favorite possessions and left. He got in his car and drove as fast as he could out of that hell mouth and onto somewhere where nothing would ever remind him of her again. H stopped in Brazil to see if he could get cheap blood. He hadn't eaten in weeks by then and he couldn't drive anymore from the hunger. So he stopped and bought blood which he thought would get him strange looks from the locals, but to his surprise they smiled at him and had blood in huge fridges as if it were ice-cream cartons. Spike knew how tired he also was. He thought that this country was far enough away with out having to go to the good old Mother Country. He didn't want to go anywhere near Europe. Dru would be there for sure. He didn't want to go back to her. She would accept him back, but then she would hurt him all over again. And with her predictions and visions she would have seen Spike mate already and knew that he didn't love her anymore. So he decided to also get himself a room in an inn with a nice Brazilian family. They seemed normal at first, but there was always a strange scent about them, like they were hiding something under the surface. He soon found out that they were actually shape shifters who just wanted to lead as normal lives as they could. The father worked in the mountains until late at night while the mother and her two children stayed and helped manage the inn. They really were special people and Spike has grown to like the little family. They had helped him when he had first arrived. He was a mess. Starving, drunk, miserable and broken. They had saved his life and back then he had hated them for it. Now….he didn't know.

"Spike! Your blood has come in from the butcher. You want me to heat some up for you?"

"No, I'm fine. Thanks Anita."

Anita was the mother. The form she took on was beautiful. Ebony hair and olive skin. Her and her daughter Adrianna were both really quite pretty. Adrianna was a little younger than Hanna and had quite a crush on him for the longest time. But Anita knows Spikes reasons for keeping his heart guarded. She prompted her to find a nice Brazilian boy who was closer to her age.

Spike's mind finally took a rest and he pushed himself off from the railing on his balcony. He let his feet carry him back into his room and sat at a small table where he would sometimes read and have his usual glass of bourbon. As he put his zippo back into his pocket he felt something paper like. He pulled out the object and it turned out to be a photograph. He instantly regretted wearing this jacket. He had gotten rid of his leather duster a few months back. He couldn't bear the thought of smelling Hanna on him all day and all night. He remembered stuffing all the contents of his pockets into his new jacket. His eyes threatened to tear as he looked at the picture that Hanna had taken of them on one of their first real dates. He had taken her to the pier where they were having a small carnival. He remembered her saying she loved the ocean and he wanted to give that to her. She had thanked him profusely with soft kisses and tight hugs. He thought of taking her to the ocean every night if she was going to thank him like that. As they were getting off of the Farris wheel she grabbed him and snapped them together with her camera. The picture came out surprisingly well. She was so excited to tell him the next night how she had made copies and had one framed and one taped to her locker at school. Her smile grew even wider when she told him that the captain of the cheerleading squad commented on how hot her boyfriend was and how jealous she was. She had a copy made for him as well and told him to look at the picture whenever he missed her. That is what she did when they said goodnight. He crumbled the picture tightly into his fist. He didn't want to remember. Hanna had probably already moved on with her life. Why couldn't he? They had been together for two weeks, that was a blink compared to the life he had already lived, and to a teenage girl it was nothing. And yet he still can't be attracted to any other woman. The women here have tried. It wasn't that they weren't beautiful, they just weren't his. He walked back outside and opened the picture. He took his zippo back out and held the picture over the flame until it caught fire. Spike watched as Hanna's and his own smiling face burned and melted until it was nothing but ash. He went back in, grabbed a half empty bottle of Jack and flopped onto his bed. He would need the liquor to help him go to sleep. The dreams would be too much to bear. He shouldn't have let him mind go this far. He should have burned the picture when he first came here. He was going to continue to pay the price if he didn't find a way to get her out of his mind. He took a long swig of the bottle and let the burn of the amber liquid numb him brain.

There was a soft knock at the door. "Spike?"

Spike turned on the sound of Anita's voice.

"Yeah?"

Anita walked a little ways into his bedroom and stopped with her hands folded in front of her. "By your tone earlier I could tell you were having not such a good time. May I ask what is wrong?"

Spike sighed. "Bad night."

Anita came and sat at the little table Spike had preoccupied before.

"You haven't had one in awhile. This is good no? You are healing. Things such as this take time."

Spike snorted. "Time is all I bloody have. I don't need time, I need to forget."

"Spike, this is will only take longer if your think that. You will never forget your Hanna. Never. Just as I will never forget my Nicolas."

Spike looked over at her. One night, a while back, after Spike had not eaten for weeks and only drank, Anita had sat him down and told him the story of when she lived in England herself. Nicolas was a human, and Anita couldn't help but fall desperately in love with him. They had shared many wonderful years until he finally noticed that she wasn't aging at all. She remained a beautiful young woman while he got wrinkles and grey hair. She finally decided to tell him and he had been scared. It was during the times when everyone who was different was accused of using witchcraft. He had accused her of being a witch, a demon from hell. He told her he wouldn't tell anyone as long as she left and never came back. Nicolas's brother had overheard and told their priest. Anita went back to see Nicolas one more time and the priest was waiting for her with an angry mob. Nicolas at the last minute rescued her and he was hung himself for aiding a worker of Satan. Anita left and never looked back. She went on to Central America where she found Philippe, and they moved to Brazil

"I know Anita, but I am not as strong. I miss her everyday."

"I know Spike, but like I always say, with time, the wound of loss will grow smaller. But for now, just try and rest your head. Philippe will be home soon, I shall go and wait for him. Good night."

"Good night Anita."

She quietly shut the door behind her. Spike looked at the bottle and took another long drink. He knew drinking wouldn't really help. But he had no other option. He needed something to help him escape for a while. He wasn't kidding when he told Anita that he had time. He had an eternity, he had an eternity to sit here in this small room, over looking the mountains and wish for something more. Wish for his misery to go away and his love return. But what he really had was time to sit here and wish for things he could never have again.

*********************One Week Later***************************************

"Spike!!"

"Yeah!" Spike was in the basement washing what few clothes he had brought from his crypt. Adrianna came rushing down the stairs. "Spike! Spike!"

"I said yeah."

"Oh sorry I am just too excited. There are people here to see you!"

Spike looked at her puzzled and then nervous. A lot of demons hated him.

"White people!"

Now Spike was even more confused.

"Come on." Adrianna grabbed Spike's hand and rushed him up the stairs and into the main hall where they would receive guests.

Anita and Philippe were there along with their small son Edgar. Spike walked farther into the main room and there he froze.

"What the bloody hell are you all doing here?"

There stood the slayer and her scoobies switching between looking at him and looking at the family who were looking at _them_ with caution. "Um hi Spike." The red headed witch was the first to speak. Her blonde girlfriend gave him a little wave. "Red. Glinda." He nodded to them both. The slayer stepped forward to speak as Anita and the rest stepped back. The slayer regarded them for a moment and then looked straight at Spike.

"Look we're not here on vacation. We need your help and I don't like that anymore than you do, but we need it and I am only going to ask that nicely once."

Spike's eyebrows rose in surprise. "What the hell do you need my help with?"

"The Initiative." The slayer said flatly. "They have gotten way out of hand and now their leader Walsh has decided to start capturing humans and use them as guinea pigs. I need to go in there and stop them. Riley has refused to help me and you are the only one who knows the place and can get us in."

"You have got to be bloody joking."

"Does it look like a joke dead boy?" The whelp said with a mocking tone.

"Just because I wouldn't kill you in SunnyDale doesn't mean I give a damn out here."

Xander moved a little ways behind Buffy.

Buffy just glared. "And you still wont because I can still kick your ass."

Spike rolled his eyes and ignored her threat. "Listen up kiddies, I'm only gonna say this once and then you are gonna leave. I won't help you. I won't venture back into a place that had made my life a living hell. I won't help because I hate SunnyHell with a fiery passion. And I especially won't help because of a small reason you all always seem to forget. I hate every single one of you and you all have treated me like dirt beneath your little do-goodie feet. Oh and by the way, you can ask me as nicely or as forcefully as you want. I'm still not doing it."

Buffy continued to glare at him.

Willow piped in. "Well we kinda knew you'd say that so Buffy and the rest of us wanted to make you a deal."

"What kind of deal?"

"The one where you do what I say and I won't have to stake your ass." Buffy answered in a mocking tone.

"Alright, that is enough."

Everyone's eyes moved to rest on Philippe. He moved to stand in front of Spike. He was a good five inches taller then the slayer. So he loomed over her.

"Listen Slayer…" Everyone's eyes grew in surprise that he knew.

"I will not stand for you mistreating one of my guests in this manner. Now you asked him this favor, he said no. There is no honor is death threats, in making your allies fear you. You are no better then this..this… Initiative you speak of, this enemy. If you do not treat Spike will more respect you may get your things and get off my land."

Everyone was stunned. Including Spike. He and Philippe have talked sure, but for him to put his family in danger for him. Spike has never known such loyalty.

"Wait you know who I am?"

Philippe scoffed. "After all this, you ask such a stupid question. Of coarse I know. Every immortal knows of the slayer." Buffy took a more defensive stance and pulled a stake from her jacket pocket. "I knew there was something up with you guys. Spike wouldn't go to a normal place to waste his time."

With Buffy going on the defensive and pulling a weapon on them, it made Philippe and Anita very nervous and scared. Philippe used his powers to turn his right arm into a long and elegant blade. While Anita turned both of hers into smaller blades and made her children go behind her. Buffy took a few steps back. Spike pulled Philippe back and stood in front of the slayer.

"They are shape shifters and they have lived in this town peacefully for over one hundred years. The town's people know of demons and other magical beings. Many of them come here for refuge from other demons and from you. Do not frighten them. They will attack you and they will kill you. Not that I care about you at all, but I don't want my mates to have the blood of a human on their hands. They were only trying to help me. As they see you as a threat. You don't think of demons as individuals. Some good some bad, and pulling a weapon on a group of powerful immortals especially with their children here was a stupid move Slayer."

Buffy reluctantly put her stake away and put her arms down in surrender. Philippe and Anita both transformed back and moved away from the slayer and her friends.

"You're lucky we aren't in SunnyDale Captain Peroxide." Xander chimed in from the safety of the two witches and Buffy.

"Xander, shut up. Look forcing wasn't the deal Spike. Was it Buffy?" Willow looked at Buffy expectantly.

Buffy sighed and then looked at Spike. "Alright. Here's the deal. If you come help us and we succeed in bringing down the commandos… I will force them to remove your chip."

Spike's eyes snapped right to Buffy's. Was this a trap? Was this another game? Could this be true?

"But…" Buffy continued. "There are rules and if you break just one I will find you and stake you. Got it?"

Spike looked at her suspiciously. "What's the rules Slayer?"

"You can not kill people. You can not try and kill my friends or my mother or Dawn. Do you think you can live with that?"

Spike thought for a moment. He hasn't killed anyone in a long time. Even here he easily could have with all the women throwing themselves at him and everyone being so friendly and trusting. But the strange thing was he hadn't had the desire to. He has been drinking pig's blood ever since he got here. When he looked at humans he didn't see happy meals with legs anymore. He saw, just people. Sure the want to kill is still there in his mind, but buried so far down deep that he barley registered it was there all. He knew many of the humans in the village and has participated in helping the town with rituals and celebrations. He was never apart of them, but he would help with what he could to repay the kindness that Anita and the rest had showed him. He did want to chip out however. He knew one day it would malfunction and his head would explode. And he wanted to option of killing. Can't was not a word Spike liked in his vocabulary unless he was telling people what they couldn't do. Maybe being mated to a human had given him more human thoughts. Spike sighed again at the irony. He was still on his path to redemption and the reason he was even doing this didn't love him anymore.

"Alright Slayer. I'll do it."

"Good. We'll leave tomorrow night." Buffy turned towards the family. "Sorry Mr…?"

"You may call me Philippe. This is my wife Anita and my two children Adrianna and Edgar." Buffy nodded to all of them.

"You may stay here if you wish."

"Thank you Philippe."

Philippe nodded to Adrianna. "Ok, follow me. I show you to your rooms."

Buffy and the Scooby Gang followed Adrianna up the stairs and towards the back end of the inn. Philippe picked up Edgar and took him to bed. It was only Anita and Spike left.

"How do you feel about going back there?"

"I'm scared."

Spike was telling the truth. He was scared. He hadn't seen SunnyDale in eight and a half months. He didn't know how he could handle being so close to Hanna. All the bitter sweet memories come flooding to the surface and he is back at ground zero all over again. The chip was a strong enough incentive, but what if while he was there he saw her? He couldn't take it. He still loved her deeply and he couldn't take seeing her and not being able to touch her. Hold her. Tell her he loved her. What if she was with someone else when he saw her? He wouldn't be able to control his jealousy. He was still her mate after all and she was his and he wouldn't be able to allow another man to touch her in his presence. To have his scent all over her. What if she saw him? Would she be angry? Hurt? Surprised? Would any love be there at all in her eyes, like there used to be?

Of coarse he was scared. He was scared that he wouldn't stop himself from going to her and begging her forgiveness. He would not survive another harsh rejection. More hatful words that would slice through his flimsy calm exterior. Would cut through the still hollow shell that he had become from loosing his mate. He was scared that he would go to her and watch over her. Day after day. He would see her blossom while he would remain alone, miserable, and broken hearted.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: First Glance**

"So how did you people find me?" Spike asked he drove them towards the boarder.

"Well I went to your crypt but you weren't there. So I figured you were at Willy's but Willy said he hadn't seen you for weeks." The slayer replied with an indifferent tone.

Willow piped in. "We thought something awful had happened."

"Yeah too bad it didn't." Xander mumbled under his breath. He was squished up against the window and was hating having to be in the car with Spike for so long.

"Anyway so Willow and Tara did a locator spell and we found you. I didn't really care that you had left until I knew we couldn't get into the Initiative without you."

"I'm touched that you found me just to bribe me into helping you." Spike said mockingly.

This group always made it a point to make sure he knew they didn't care about what happened to him. Willow and her girl had tried when he started working for them but Xander made sure that Spike remembered he was there because they needed him not because they wanted him around.

"How long is this gonna take?" Xander asked.

"We were in bloody Brazil how long do you think?"

"Well I hate having to be stuck in this dirty piece of junk with something dead and annoying."

Spike was already tired of them and regretted leaving the comfort of his room. And the whelp's whining was only making his blood boil faster. This is the third time he had asked how long this car ride was going to be and every time he said how much he hated this trip.

"Look whelp, I get it alright? You hate me and I hate you. But in order for this to go faster so I can get you and smell out of my car you need to shut your bloody mouth alright? Your whining is only going to make me kick all of you out and drive back to Brazil. Got it?"

"Whatever dead boy." Xander grumbled and was silent.

*************************Later that night***********************************

"Finally, Spike turn here." the slayer commanded.

"But that will take us to your place."

'Uh yeah where did you think we were going? To your crypt?"

Spike was panicking. He couldn't go down that street. He couldn't get out of his car. She would know his car. She would see him. She would come out and scream at him to leave. He couldn't face being so close to her. Knowing she was in the house right next door. Spike gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white and he heard the plastic of the steering wheel creak under his strength. "Is everything ok Spike?" Tara asked, as always the most observant one in the group. "Yeah Glinda I'm fine."

"Seriously what's your problem?" the slayer asked, and then a look of realization formed on her face.

"You left because of Hanna didn't you?"

Spike slammed his foot on the break at just the beginning of Buffy's street. "Ok, everyone out. You can walk to rest of the way. Come get me slayer when you have a plan."

No one moved.

"What happened did she finally really take a good look at you? Did her pity wear off?" Buffy was smiling and it was only twisting the knife in Spike's gut further. The knife that his mate had planted into his heart.

"Shut your gob slayer. Get out of my car."

"Dead boy had a girlfriend? You picking on the mentally challenged now Spike?" Xander smiled at Buffy who smiled back. Glad they could share a friendly moment while making Spike's life a living nightmare.

"What happened Spike?" Willow asked.

"Did she leave you?"

"I SAID EVERYONE OUT!! GET OUT! GET OUT OF THIS BLOODY CAR!"

Spike bellowed his orders and sat there still holding the steering wheel just waiting for the dreaded Scooby gang to leave him alone. This was a mistake. He was not ready to be in this town and was not ready for the mocking and the abuse that would come from the slayer and her gang about his short lived relationship with Hanna. Tara grabbed Willow's hand and opened the back door.

"We're always here if you need to talk." Tara said quietly under her breath so no one could hear besides Willow and Spike.

Xander followed after the girls.

Now it was just him and the slayer.

"Look, Hanna deserves to be a normal girl. You did the right thing. Demons and humans do not go together. Your crypt is trashed. Willow and Dawn set up the basement last night so you could stay."

"Why are you being so nice to me slayer?"

"Because you're helping despite the abuse from all of us. I forget sometimes that you're not a killer anymore. Look don't get used to this ok? I still strongly dislike you, but you had the opportunity to kill a human girl and kill many people in Brazil while getting around the chip and you didn't. That does count for a little. But stay away from Hanna. OK?"

Spike hung his head and sighed as Buffy exited the car and caught up with everyone else. He knew she was right. His crypt was probably taken over and he wasn't staying long to begin with. No reason to make more enemies when he was going to leave again. But a huge part of him didn't want to stay at the slayer's. The slayer hated him, although Dawn and Joyce seemed to like him alright. If the slayer and Riley were still an item then he would have problems there too. But the main reason was he couldn't be that close to Hanna knowing she was in her house, in her bed, not thinking about him. Doing her homework ,hanging with her friends and not thinking about him. Spike sighed again and drove his car the rest of the way to the slayer's house. He pulled into her drive way right behind Joyce's SUV and got out. He walked to the porch and looked over at Hanna's house. All the lights were on. She was probably in there right now, doing something cute and again, not thinking about him. He opened the door and was greeted by Joyce.

"Hello Spike dear."

"Hello Ms. Summers. How are you?"

"Well I say for a 40 something woman who just beat a brain tumor I'd say I'm feeling great." She smiled warmly.

"Well that's wonderful. Congratulations. Sorry I couldn't be around for support and all that."

Joyce continued to smile. "Well that's sweet dear. I have put fresh linens down in the basement for you and Dawn and Xander put heavy curtains up last night for you too. You may smoke, but please do it on the porch or backyard. Buffy went and got you blood yesterday as well."

Spike was touched that she cared about him as much to go though all the trouble making her home vampire friendly.

"I know someone who is probably dying to see you. DAWN!"

Dawn liked Spike and he liked her. She was the only one besides Joyce that didn't treat him like a monster. She was cute and stood up to Buffy and her friends whenever they would be particularly nasty to him. Dawn came bouncing down the stairs all smile and energy.

"Yeah mom?"

"Look who's here?"

Dawn turned and saw Spike. Her face fell instantly and she folded her arms over her chest. Just like she does when Xander talks to her. Spike was confused, but decided to ignore it.

"Hello little bit."

"Hello Spike."

She turned to her mom.

"Can I go now? Danny's gonna be her in 5 minutes and I need to help Hanna get ready."

Spike's eyes widened. It was like a punch to the gut. Dawn knew Hanna? Knew her enough to be friends? Since when? He supposed they knew each other being neighbors, but not friends. Hanna never mentioned being friends with the Summer's.

"You know Hanna?"

Dawn turned back to Spike. "Duh. You would think for a guy with a million years of learning you would be quicker."

"Dawn! Apologize to Spike right now."

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Sorry Spike. Look I really need to go."

"Alright, but come back with a better attitude missy."

Dawn kissed her mom's cheek and headed out the front door. Spike excused himself and followed Dawn outside.

"Bit wait, please."

Dawn huffed and pivoted on her heel. "What do you want Spike?"

"Why are you angry with me?"

Dawn looked surprised. "What, you don't remember? Or you just don't care about what you did to poor Hanna?"

Spike was now more shocked then ever. "Wait, Hanna told you about us?"

Dawn huffed again. "Of coarse. I'm one of her closest friends. I'm one of the only people besides the Scooby gang that knows about vamps and stuff. We became close ever since you ran out on her. I'm dated her friend Kay's brother Danny."

It all made sense. Dawn would be the only one her age to understand what she is going through. Wait ran out on her? "I didn't run out on her…"  
"Oh really? What do you call leaving her and never coming back?"

"She told me to leave! I had no choice."

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Did she say leave forever?"

And with that Dawn turned and walked the rest of the way to Hanna's house. Spike in almost a daze walked back into the house. He never thought about it that way before. Could he have interpreted her command to leave her wrong? No, he couldn't have. She looked like she hated him. He thought the only way to make her happy would be to leave. She didn't want him and he never refused a lady. He loved Hanna and never wanted to leave her, but if that is what she wanted then there was nothing he could do about it. Spike made his way to the basement and sat heavily on his cot. He pulled the heavy black curtains back and looked as Dawn knocked on the Jenson's door. It opened and Spike could see Margaret standing there. She looked the same, very friendly and warm. She reminded him a lot of Joyce. Just as he was about to close the curtains she came out. His eyes widened and he almost gasped. There she was. His Hanna. Walking down the porch steps to meet Dawn. She looked even more beautiful then his memory of her. Her hair was shorter now, a little bit past her shoulders. It still looked soft in the moonlight. She wore a gray gypsy top and dark blue jeans. He could see her laughing at something Dawn said and he ached to hear that sound again. She had an infectious laugh. He sighed. She looked happy. She couldn't have missed him or wanted him. She didn't need him. When he went back to Brazil he would at least know that she can smile still and laugh. Spike continued to watch as the girls waited for something. Finally a black truck came whizzing down their street and stopped right in front of Hanna's house. Two boys got out in unison. Spike held his breath. He started to panic. He wasn't ready to see this. He couldn't handle seeing her with another man yet. He should just pull the curtain back down and close his eyes. But he couldn't. It was like some train wreck you couldn't take your eyes off of. He watched in horror as a boy taller than himself, but not as built walked over and put his arm around Hanna. His Hanna. And she smiled up at him. Those smiles were once for him. The boy leaned in and Spike felt like he was going to be sick. The boy kissed Hanna's cheek and led her to the car. He helped her in and then closed the door behind them. As they drove off, Spike was able to calm a little. She had moved on just like he thought she would. He had been gone for eight months. He wondered how long it took her to find someone new. His heart ached. No wonder he wanted to forget. He had tried to move on, but something always stopped him. He wondered what it was now. There was nothing for him anymore. Except getting the chip out of his brain. Even that was an empty consolation prize. He laid down on his cot and looked up at the ceiling. What if he had never told Hanna anything that night? Would he be with her right now? Would he be on the receiving end of those smiles? Be able to touch her and kiss her? He shouldn't torture himself like this. He had to move on and try to find a new purpose for himself. Maybe he could help people. Well there's a laugh. He's not going to open up some human help shop like the big Poof has so that's out of the question. Maybe Philippe could get him a job in the mountains like he had. He wouldn't mind working all night and then sleeping all day. It sounded mundane, but he would be tired and less likely to think. Spike closed his eyes and hoped that sleep would come. He had been driving for two days straight with the Scooby gang and that would make anyone tired.

* * *

Spike jolted awake. He was instantly aware that something was different in the house. He got up and headed for the stairs. He heard voices coming from the kitchen so he assumed Joyce and Buffy and Dawn were already up. He opened the door and stepped into the kitchen. As soon as he saw who was with the Summers he quickly ducked back into the hallway. Hanna was there. Right there in the same house as him. He couldn't handle this. Her scent was so potent, so intoxicating. He could hear her heart beat. He knew that sound well. He could hear her voice. He had missed it so much. Had missed her so much. He pressed himself against the wall and willed her to go out through the kitchen door. He was frozen to the spot and could not move himself to go back to the basement. He didn't want to be this close to her with the visions of last night still fresh in his mind. She had someone new now and he would not ruin it by making guest appearance. He needed to get out of there. He needed to run back down those stairs and get away from her as quickly as possible. Damn his stupid legs. Why wont they move? He was so scared that she would see him. He heard footsteps coming closer and he wanted to die. Wished that a portal would swallow him quickly and take him away from here.

"Spike what are you doing up so early? Hungry? There's blood in the fridge. Don't worry there's a girl here, but she knows about this kind of stuff. You should meet her. She's really quite darling."

Joyce turned toward the kitchen door. "Buffy, show Spike where his blood is." Joyce smiled and then made her way up the stairs.

This has got to be the worst moment of Spike's entire existence. Hanna knew for sure now that he was back in town and now staying right across the street from her. She was right in the next room and he could only hear heart beats. They were waiting for him to show his face. What would happen to him if he did? What would Hanna say to him? He never wanted to find out. It was too late for him to run now. She knew he was here and it was day time so he couldn't even leave the house quickly enough. Spike took a deep un needed breath and let it slowly out through his nose. He took small steps toward the kitchen door and slowly made his way into the kitchen. He mustered up all his courage and braved looking up at the three girls now staring at him. He looked to Buffy and Dawn who seemed nervous. Then his eyes made their way to Hanna. Who's eyes were as big as saucers and her mouth hanging open. Even with a shocked look on her face she was still beautiful and her scent was driving him crazy. She smelled flowering and fruity all at the same time. She was so feminine and soft. He couldn't help but to soften his expression to a look of tenderness. He knew it was wrong to look at her in that way, but his body and heart didn't care what his mind had to say. To them she was still his mate and they wanted her bad. He cleared his desert dry throat.

"Hello Hanna."

That was all he could say. He didn't dare say anymore. He didn't even call her a nickname. He did not know how long she would stand there, but he didn't want her to run off or start yelling at him right away. Hanna took a breath for speech and Spike braced himself for what he knew would be hate filled words and yelling then slamming of doors. Hanna looked right into his eyes…


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: Reunion**

"Spike? Why are you…how….what are you doing here?" Hanna could barley get her words out.

Spike nervously rubbed the back of his neck.

"Well…uh….I had to help Buffy with something."

Buffy turned to Dawn. "I think I heard someone at the door."

Dawn gave Buffy a puzzled look. "I didn't hear anything…"

"Dawn, door now."

"Oh right, yeah we'll just go answer the door." Buffy and Dawn quickly left the kitchen, but stayed close enough to hear the conversation.

"You look different. You cut your hair."  
Spike was grasping blindly for things to say to her besides I love you and take me back. It felt awkward to be this close to her after eight months of nothing.

Hanna just looked at him as if he was sprouting two heads.

"Why are you staying with Buffy?"

Ok so no small talk. Spike didn't blame her. She wanted an explanation not an idiotic observation.

"My crypt is trashed and there are probably other vampires living there now. I had no where to stay while in SunnyDale so the slay…Buffy invited me to stay here."

Hanna nodded in understanding and then there was silence again. Spike was about to speak and try to break it when Hanna beat him to it.

"I got it done yesterday."

"What?" Spike was confused.

"My hair. I cut it yesterday."

"Oh…it looks good."

Spike had no idea what to say. He knew they should talk about what happened that horrible night when everything came crashing down, but he didn't know how to get there without being obvious and callous to her feelings.

"Thanks…"

Silence…

Spike was trying so hard to find some way to tell her how sorry he was that he had lied, that he had betrayed her trust and that he understood why she hated him. He wanted to tell her to be happy that he would always be there in case she needed him. To tell her that it would be ok because he was not staying long, and that even though he was getting his chip out that he would never hurt her or any of her friends. Or even that boy she was dating. He looked up at Hanna. He was surprised by what he saw. She was crying. Not sobbing, but quietly crying. Large, fat tears falling onto her pale cheeks. She reached up and tried to wipe them away, but many more just took their place. Spike wanted to kick himself. Seeing him must have upset her greatly. She didn't want to see him. Didn't want to talk to him. Probably didn't want to be in the same country as him. He should have ran when he had the chance. He didn't want to ruin her life anymore than he already had. He sighed. He should just apologize and then go back down to the basement.

"I'm sorry Hanna."

She looked over to him with huge watery eyes. Spike had to look away from her. The time when he would just hold her and tell her he loved her to make her tears stopped had long since passed.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think I would cry. I just…its hard to see you knowing…."

"No no I know. Knowing what I am, and knowing that I betrayed you."

Hanna looked at him puzzled. Spike of coarse wasn't looking at her so he continued. "I know its hard, but I wont be in SunnyDale long. Just enough to handle the big baddie and then I'm leaving so…you wont have to put up with someone who you hate. I'm sorry you had to know I was here. I didn't want you to find out. It was harder because I didn't know you were friends with Dawn." Spike finally looked over at her and again was surprised. She had a hurt look on her face, and her hand was pressed to her mouth almost like she was in shock. Spike didn't know what to say. He tried to say everything as calmly as he could and tried to alleviate some of the distress that seeing him had given her. But his words just seemed to upset her further. Maybe she didn't even want to hear him speak at all.

"Spike. You're an idiot."

That was the first thing she had said in a while and it was an insult. Well he couldn't blame her. Out of all the scoobies she was the only one with the right to hate him and want to insult him.

"I know. I shouldn't have come back. I can leave tonight."

"Just stop." She spoke it with such force Spike halted in his thoughts and looked up at her once more.

"How dare you."

Hanna's voice was filled with anger and Spike took a deep breath to prepare himself. She had been waiting eight months to finally punish him for what he had done to her the night she was hurt by the vampire.

"I know Hanna. I know…"

"No you don't know! You don't know anything! Did you come back to torture me some more?"

"No of coarse not I…"

"How dare you act like the victim when I was the one who has been in pain for eight months. You were gone eight months Spike and then you just show up…act like I was the one who betrayed you and then tell me you're leaving again. I know you don't care about me anymore but now you're just twisting the knife."

She was panting heavily from all of her anger and tears were still running down her cheeks. She had her hands on her hips and was glaring at Spike, but hurt was also reflected in her blue eyes.

Spike was dumbfounded. What was she talking about? She was the one who told Spike to leave. Wait, she was the one who moved on to someone new. She was the one changing her look and going out on dates and forgetting all about him. He had every right to feel like the victim. Yes he did lie, but he only did it because he was scared and then he opens up to her and she rejected him. Damn right he was hurt. After months of hurting and being angry Spike finally let out what he was feeling.

"_I_ am twisting the knife. I think you're confused Hanna. You weren't the one who was kicked out of someone's life. You weren't the one who had to move and leave everything behind. You weren't the one who was rejected after finally being completely honest. And after what I saw last night, you don't seem too broken up about us. Why don't you go run to that boy of yours instead of yelling at me? He'll take care of you won't he? How long did it take you to find someone new huh? A week? You women are all the same. Its all rainbows and sonnets until love gets hard and messy. That's when you run, that's when you push away. You wanna see someone good at torture you should take a look in a bloody mirror."

Hanna was shaking and was crying more than before. Her hands were at her sides balled into small fists. She looked so angry and hurt. Spike almost wished he hadn't said anything at all. She walked over to Spike who was blocking the doorway to the living room and stood right in front of him. She removed something paper like from her jeans pocket and ripped it in half and threw it on the floor. Spike eyes moved to rest on what seemed like two blanks sheets of paper. He didn't understand she did that for, but it must had meant something.

"What was…"

Before he could ask the rest of his question Hanna raised her hand and slapped him as hard as she could right across his face. Spike was so stunned he didn't even raise a hand to block it or protect himself. It hadn't hurt. She wasn't very strong. But for Hanna to hit him. Sensitive, sweet, innocent Hanna to hit him. She must really be angry.

"You are more of a monster then I ever imagined."

With that she moved around him and out into the living room. Spike heard the front door slam and when she was gone he allowed himself to move. He was still in shock and his entire body felt numb. He, almost in a daze, bent down and picked up the two torn pieces of paper and turned them over. His own eyes started to well with tears and he looked at Hanna's and his own smiling face staring back at him. She kept the picture. It was even with her. she couldn't have known that Spike was here considering her surprise. She had kept the picture with her. even for such a small thing it had to have meant something to her. Hanna was right. He was an idiot.

*************************Later that night***********************************

"Spike you can stop hiding she isn't going to come back."

Dawn was standing at the top of the stairs squinting in the darkness. After Spike and Hanna's fight Spike went back down to the basement and hadn't come back out all day. Not even to eat. As much as Dawn was angry with him, she was still worried over her friend. Spike lay their on his cot staring at Hanna's smiling face. He had been in that that same position all day and he didn't have the energy to move. His stomach was aching with hunger, but he was too ashamed and too miserable to move from the dark basement that he so very much deserved to be in. He heard Dawn's footsteps as she descended the stairs, but he didn't care. He was not going to move and there was nothing she or anyone else could say to change his mind. He felt the cot sink a little near his feet, but again he didn't pay her any mind.

"Spike, this is not helping. You need to stop moping and apologize to her. Don't you think she deserves that much?"

Spike looked over at her trying to see him in the dark.

"She deserves much more than that Nibblit. Much more than I can give her."

"Don't you see? She wants you. She still loves you."

"She's with someone else. Someone normal. Someone who's not a monster."

"No Spike, she started dating him like a week ago to help her get over you. I know what you thought you saw last night, but she told him she wasn't ready for kissing yet. She doesn't care about your undead status she just wants to be with you again."

"No, I shouldn't have come back. She called me a monster and she was right. I am one. I dead thing that isn't supposed to be on this Earth. She deserves someone normal. Someone safe. Someone who will be able to give her…"

"Oh my god! Do you know who you sound like?? What is it with you vampires and getting on this kick about what people deserve? About what is normal? For a vampire who hates Angel as much as you claim you are sure mastering his brooding skills. I mean really Spike give me a break! You are never one to give up. You fight for what you want especially love. You would have gone to the ends of the Earth for that crazy psycho path Drusilla, but you won't even get the balls to apologize to Hanna? Come on, stop acting like a nancy boy, turn on the freakin' lights, take a shower because you smell like whiskey and tobacco, buy some flowers and get on your knees and beg for freakin' forgivness!"

Spike sniffled. "What is she rejects me again?"

Dawn huffed. "Then at least you know you tried your hardest to get her back. Spike I know you ok? I know you have low self esteem and you cover it up with sarcasm and bravado, but you need to take a risk and try again. OK? Everyone deserves to be happy including you. Please just say that you'll at least come up stairs and eat something? If you feel better after that then we can work on your apology. Please just try? I don't want to see you turn out like Angel, obsessed with being good and trying to be normal, trying to act human and be something he's not and I don't want Hanna to be like my sister. Jaded and so afraid to open her self up that she can't love anyone and nobody can love her."

Spike got up and flicked on the lights.

Dawn smiled at him. "Hey there you are."

Spike smiled back weakly and then sighed. "You're right about one thing."

Dawn cocked her head to one side in question.

"I don't want to be anything like tall, dark, and forehead."

Spike and Dawn walked up the stairs together and were laughing happily when Buffy walked over to Dawn looking shocked. Dawn quickly rushed to her sister's side.

"Buffy what is it? What's wrong?"

Buff slowly looked at her sister. "Angel's coming…"

Dawn looked confused. "Wait…coming here? Now? Why?"

Buffy sighed. "He said he needed to tell me something important and that he wanted to help take down the Initiative, apparently someone on his team has visions and they saw that I needed help."

"Well did he give you a hint as to what the important thing was?"

"He said it might make up for what he did…I don't know… he was very vague. He just said he would be here in a few days."

"Wait just a bloody minute…I am not living under the same roof as the Poofter. I don't care if I have to live with this blasted chip the rest of my unlife I am leaving."

Spike made his way to the start of the basement steps before Dawn rushed to stop him. "OK first of all, Mom likes you way more than Angel so he wouldn't be staying here. Second, you need your chip out incase it decided to malfunction and third you have unfinished business with a certain someone crying their eyes out right now. You are not going anywhere Spike. You made a deal with Buffy, we need your help, and Hanna deserves the truth."

Dawn folded her arms in a stance that said just try and argue with that.

Spike sighed. "You're right Bit, I'm sorry. I'll stay. You mum really likes me more?"

Buffy interjected. "Well yeah, you never took my virginity, became crazy and tried to kill everyone."

"Good point cause that would be disgusting. The sleeping with you part, not the killing all of you part."

"Gee thanks Spike."  
"No offense Slayer."

"None taken. Anyways, I need to call Giles and make sure he is here when Angel arrives in case this is a prophecy that he found or something. And then I need to talk to Mom and the Scoobies."

Dawn turned to Spike when Buffy had left. "And you mister need to eat then shower, then work on your begging skills. I'm gonna go see if Hanna can come over for lunch tomorrow."

"No wait! Tomorrow?? Give a bloke sometime to think. I can't see her so soon. Besides she'll still be angry and don't you kiddies have school?"

"On a Sunday? No. And I'm gonna go call Hanna before you slink back down to the basement."

Dawn rushed off up the stairs to her room.

Spike stood there stunned. He was going to have to face his Hanna tomorrow. Right after he had said all those horrible things to her. He was going to have to plan this carefully and not say the first thing that came to his mind. Bloody hell…he was in trouble.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: Apologies**

Spike was pacing like a caged tiger wanting the hunt. Dawn had gone with Hanna to get the some more food for their lunch as Dawn realized Joyce hadn't really gone shopping since her surgery. Dawn told him to be ready to talk to Hanna alone when they got back. That was two hours ago. It was almost four o' clock and this lunch would quickly turn into dinner if they didn't get here soon. Not only was Spike anxious to speak to Hanna again and see if she will forgive him or not, but he also worried about Dawn and Hanna. Seeing as how the sun was out there was nothing he could about it, so pacing was all he could do. He didn't really trust the boy that Dawn was dating. Lenny…Benny…what ever his name was… He had a black truck and a piercing. It was his ear but still. He didn't look like a gentlemen. But Dawn had said that Hanna had set them up so he can't be all bad, but still it was someone dating his little Dawn. He guessed in eight months a teen age girl would have a lot of growing up done. Spike glanced again at the clock and sighed angrily. He wished he knew where they were…he wished he could go outside. He went over to the couch and picked up his apology letter that he had written to Hanna. It sounded ok to him. He had re-read it and re-written it a million times before he finally went to sleep last night. He was so scared about seeing Hanna again that he could barley stand. When he first left he thought he would never see her again. Then when he came back he prayed that he never saw her again. But not only had he seen her, but he yelled in her face and called her a torturer. Which he hadn't really meant in the first place. Spike sighed and held the letter to his heart, he hoped now more than ever she would be understanding and really listen to him because now more than ever she had every right not to be. Spike quickly gathered all the courage he could when he heard the kitchen door burst open with laughter and talking from the two teens and the boy. Dawn walked into the living room followed by whatever his name was.

"Ok Spike, are you ready? I am going to walk Danny to his truck and then I'll be right back in ok?"

Spike nodded and noticed Danny staring at him. Spike raised an eyebrow in question.

"But, why is your boy staring at me?"

Dawn turned to Danny. "Oh how silly of me. He's probably wondering why his rude girlfriend didn't introduce you guys. Spike this is…"

Danny interrupted her. "That's not it Dawn."

"What is it?"

"I just wanted to take a good look at the guy who made Hanna break my best friend's heart."

"Danny, please don't start that again. Hanna loves Spike and he loves her"  
Danny turned and glared at Spike.

"Couldn't have loved her too much considering he left her alone for so long while Luke picked up the pieces and made her smile again."

Spike looked away from the boy. He knew he was showing weakness to a human, but he couldn't help it. Danny confirmed his fears that Hanna was miserable while he was gone and she finally found some happiness again and he waltzed right in and took it from her. Took her away from this boy who could be better for her than he ever dreamed.

"Danny! Don't say things like that! That's not fair…"

"No niblit. He's right. Look mate I screwed up royally. I make a lot of decisions based on my gut and nine times out of ten it turns out wrong. I say whatever comes to my head, and I usually never think about consequences, but I love Hanna more than I have ever loved anything in my existence, and all I want to do is make things right so Hanna can be happy again. I'll try my best to do right by her and not disappoint her again, even if it takes all of my life."

Danny nodded.

"Ok Spike. But don't hurt her again…I love Hanna as if she was my own sister and you made be older than me, and stronger than me, but if you hurt her again I will strike at you in any way that will make you just as miserable. Got it?"

Spike couldn't help but smile at the boy. He was a scrawny little thing, messy black hair and glasses and Spike could smell the nervousness coming off of him in waves. He was scared of Spike and yet he stood up to him and threatened him like he could actually hurt him. Spike also saw determination and seriousness in this boy's eyes. Hanna has touched so many people and made them all fall in love with her. Any one would be lucky just to see her direct a smile at them.

"Ok mate. Deal."

Danny gave him a small nod and a little smile then grabbed Dawn's hand and walked her to the door and outside.

Spike chuckled again at how many people would die for Hanna. She really was amazing and any man who got to call her his was more than just the luckiest bloke in the world, he becomes a better man Spike knew he had. He hadn't killed or wanted to kill in so long. The burning of the hunt for humans was slowly dwindling each day because his desire to be Hanna's was consuming him more and more. He needed Hanna more than he needed the liquid that sustains his very being.

"Sometimes Danny can be a bit over dramatic…"

Spike snapped his head up and looked at the doorway leading to the kitchen. There was Hanna holding a salad bowl to her chest and of coarse looking angelic with her hair tied back and wearing a deep purple flowering dress that clung to her every curve. Spike swallowed hard. Ok, it was now or never.

"Look Hanna I…"  
"Did you mean what you said?"

"What?"  
"To Danny I mean. Did you mean what you told Danny about wanting to make it up to me and you love me?"

Spike noticed how small she looked standing there in the large doorway with the huge oversized salad bowl she was clutching in her arms. She looked like she really wanted his absolutely honest answer.

"Yes I did. That's why Dawn made this whole blasted lunch thing so I could apologize to you for being a right git and sticking my foot in it. I wrote you a letter and everything."

"I don't want a letter Spike…or an apology."

Spike raised his eyes in surprise. What was she getting at?

"What do you want Hanna? Anything you want. Juts name it and I'll do my best to give it to you."

Hanna took a deep breath to, Spike assumed, steady her fast beating heart.

"Hear me out and then answer my questions with honesty."

Spike nodded. "I can do that."

"Good."

Hanna walked back into the kitchen and set the bowl down then walked into the living room and sat on the couch. She patted the seat next to her. Spike hesitated. He wasn't really sure that he could sit that close to her and her scent and not touch her, but he couldn't very well sit somewhere else after she invited him to sit next to her despite the fact that she could not even want to be on the same planet as him. Spike walked over the couch and sat next to her. Hanna folded her hands in her lap and looked at Spike with seriousness.

"That night before you left…I was really scared of you…I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what you were or how you could exist. I never once thought of your cold hands as being anything but bad circulation or something. And then when that vampire attacked me a part of me was scared that you set this whole thing up to kill me. That thing was so fast and its eyes were….filled with hunger and anger and I thought I was going to… to die. I was more scared then when I was almost ra…when Sam did that."

Spike could feel the pain in her and his own heart felt pain for her. To have to deal with that all alone and on top of that think that the man you love was trying to kill you… it must have been like hell.

"But anyway…when I told you to leave I was hurt and angry and scared of you. When I saw you like that, like a vampire I couldn't see you behind that face. I didn't want to believe it was you, but not once, not one time that night did I hate you."

Spike quickly looked at her. Her eyes were fresh with tears and her bottom lip was trembling. He knew she meant it and it made him want to kiss her.

"When you didn't come back the next day or the day after that…I went to see Buffy because I remember you saying you knew each other. Dawn was there and I knew her from school so I told her abut you. She said she knew you and that she would show me where you lived but I had to promise not to tell. I told her I knew and so we went to the cemetery after school….it was practically empty….everything was gone or smashed. I didn't know what to think about that either. I looked for you everywhere. I even went to that really scary bar…Willy's I think."

Spike had to interrupt her. "You went to Willy's?? Alone? Hanna, what were you thinking?"

"I didn't go alone…Buffy took me and I was thinking that something awful had happened to you."

Spike wished he would learn to keep his mouth shut.

"I'm sorry lo..Hanna. Go on."

"But as the days became weeks and then months…I knew it was because of me. Because of what I said to you. I felt so bad I wanted to go look for you outside of SunnyDale, but I wouldn't know where to go or who you knew besides the Summers. Well then I started to hang out with Dawn more because she knew so much about you and vampires and other demons and stuff, so a few months after you left I kinda became part of the Scooby gang, no one knew why I was there. Only Buffy and Dawn know how I felt about you. It helped the pain…being with them because I knew you had known them and this was what your life was. It made me feel less lonely. I really did miss you Spike." She looked up at him then. Eyes still watering.

Spike's look softened. "I missed you too. Very much."

"So now you are wondering where Luke comes into the story right?"

Spike tensed. She knew him too well. He did want to know where he came in and what his role in this story be from now on.

"Well when I introduced Danny and Dawn, Danny and Kaye invited us to go to this Chinese festival with them. Kay brought me and Jared and Danny brought Dawn and his best friend Luke. Danny told me he had seen me before at the Bronze and school and stuff and was interested in me. It was nice to feel…wanted…but I couldn't….I missed you too much and I thought that if I dated someone else you would…..you would really be gone."

Spike couldn't stop himself even if he tried. His hand had a mind of its own and gently laid itself on top of hers. He studied her to gauge her reaction. She didn't look at him but she laced her fingers through his and squeezed his hand. It wasn't a declaration of love, but it was sure as hell a great step in the right direction. He took comfort from her touch. Another part of being mates is that their touch is almost the same as saying I love you. The emotions inside the mate's heart can be felt through a simple touch. Spike could feel all of Hanna's swirling emotions inside and he hoped she would recognize his as well.

"If I had known Spike, even the smallest feeling that you would be coming back, Luke wouldn't have even been in the picture…I would have waited….waited to see if you wanted to, to be with me."

"I see that now. I am sorry I accused you of moving on so fast. That must have sounded daft to you."

"Uh…that means crazy right?"

"Oh…yeah. Sorry…English."

"Its ok, I guess I need to learn more English words so I know what you're saying. With the daft, and git…and bloody and all that stuff."

Hanna said each word with a terrible English accent. Spike smiled at her and she smiled back. "You sound like ."

Spike gave her a look of mock hurt. "Oi, I do not. Talk about adding insult to injury love."

Spike was still smiling when he noticed Hanna's surprised and sad expression.  
"What did I say now? I'm sorry Hanna, I didn't mean it, what ever I said."

"No no its not bad. I just haven't heard you call me love in so long. I loved that you called me that. It made me feel like you thought I was special. Silly huh?"

Spike shook his head. "No not silly at all. You are special. I can call you that again if you'd like."

Hanna gave him the biggest thousand watt smile he had ever seen and he wanted to tear from happiness. He hadn't seen her smile in months and he missed its brightness. He mentally reminded himself of his promised to make her smile as often as he could.

"Ok Spike, so can I ask you a question?"

"Of coarse love, you may ask me what ever you want."

"Did you meet any women while you were gone?"

Spike was surprised. It seemed so silly that he would be able to be attracted to any woman besides the one sitting right beside him. But she must feel insecure about what happened and the amount of time that had past as did he.

"No."

"Did you want to leave?"

"No."

"Did you want to come back?"

Spike hesitated. This was going to be hard for her to hear.

"No."

"Oh."

"Not for the reason you think. I didn't want to come back because I would be weak and not be respectful to your wishes. I wouldn't have been able to stay away from you and I believed at the time that that was what you wanted."

"I see. May I ask another?"

Spike nodded for her to go ahead.

"Do you…I mean did you stop….do you….still love me?"

Spike grabbed her other hand and held them both tightly in his. He brought them up to where his heart was supposed to be and closed his eyes to relish in her closeness and then he opened them to look right into her eyes.

"I never stopped loving you. And if you can bring yourself to forgive me and know me for what I truly am then I would like to keep on loving you and showing you what kind of man I could be for you."


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12: Angel**

He awaited her answer. At first she looked at him seriously with her eyes clear of tears and full of emotion, then a slow smile spread across her face. And to Spike's surprise and complete delight she threw herself into his arms hugging him as tightly as her arms could hold him. She got on her knees and put on leg on either side of Spike sitting comfortably in his lap. All the while never letting him go. Spike was frozen. He had dreamt of this moment for eight long months and now that it was finally here he couldn't get his limbs to work. He should really get that looked at. Once the realization set in that Hanna, his Hanna, was actually in his arms, touching all of his body with hers, then he lifted his own arms and wrapped them securely around her holding her just as tightly as she was clinging to him. Hanna brought her face to be level and directly in front of his. She smiled into his eyes and said the three most beautiful words ever created in any language that has existed. "I love you."

Spike wanted to break down and cry from the happiness he was feeling inside him. "Oh god I love you too Hanna. So bloody much…" Spike rested his hand on her cheek and hesitantly brought Hanna's lips to his own. The second their lips touched it was as though fire had erupted inside them both. Spike began to kiss her more passionately and Hanna just moaned into his mouth showing no sign of dislike. Spike's hands moved to rest on her hips and pull her flush against. Hanna wrapped her arms around his neck and held him as close to her as she could get. Spike was in heaven. She felt so soft and warm. Her lips no longer hesitant and shy, but hungry and desire filled. She must have missed him a great deal to be able to swallow her shyness of a kitten and release the passionate lioness Spike knew was hiding in her. Spike braved sliding his hand down to her body to the hem of her dress and rested it on her bare thigh. Hanna didn't make any moves to stop, in fact she seemed to enjoy the contact of flesh on flesh. She pulled away and looked at Spike, she was panting and her thighs were trembling against him. She surprised Spike even more by grabbing the hem of his shirt and pulling it up motioning him to help her get it off of him. Spike obeyed her request and took his shirt off. That probably wasn't a great idea. Her hot hands were all over him at once. Every place she touched felt like she burned him. Her lips were at his neck, kissing and biting playfully. Spike never knew this side of Hanna existed. She rubbed his chest and made slow circles around his strong ab muscles and traveled down to the start of his belt then back up. He was having a hard time keeping himself in control. He put both of his hands under her dress and they traveled from her thighs until he felt soft cotton under his hands. Signaling he had reached her more sensitive spot. He felt Hanna hesitate for just a few seconds then continued her tortuous kisses on his neck. That small hesitation was enough for Spike to remember where they were. Buffy would be on her way from training with Giles, and he hadn't seen Dawn it what felt like hours. He couldn't really remember but something was supposed to go down tonight and Joyce will be home from work any minute now. He didn't want to stop, but he knew that this was wrong. They had missed each other so much that their passions were controlling their judgment. He didn't want her first time to be on a couch in someone else's house, while it was still light out, even if it was sun set. Spike gently pushed Hanna back at arms length. She cocked her head to one side. "What's wrong? You don't want to?"

"Believe me pet, I want to. I want to very much, but it's not the time or place to be doing this. I missed you, but I want to make your first time special."

Hanna nodded and blushed.

"I don't know what came over me…it was like I could feel how much you wanted me and it made me want you too I guess…does that sound weird?"

Spike shook his head. It was part of being a mate. He could the feel the passion in her as well once it had surfaced. It was the same feeling that took over when they were in Hanna's room.

"I'm glad we stopped. I'm not really ready for that…even thought it didn't really seem like it." She laughed a little.

Spike chuckled back at her.

"I don't care what we do I just feel like walking on cloud nine being able to hold you in my arms again."

Hanna smiled. "I know, I dreamt of you every night and everywhere I went something reminded me of you. Dawn was getting kinda tired of hearing about you after awhile."

Spike sighed. "I missed a lot. Are you close to your graduation?"

"Yeah. I graduate in two months. I have to start applying to colleges next month. Yuk…"

"You don't want to go to college?"

"No I do. It's been my dream to go to college, but I want to go to UC Sunnydale where Buffy and Willow and Tara go, but my father is pushing me to go to an Ivy League school."

"I see. Well an Ivy League would be better for a bright girl like you. Somewhere like Harvard."

"Yeah, but Dawn and the rest of my friends are going to UCS and well….you're not at Harvard."

"Love I will go where ever you are. So if you want to go to Harvard or Yale or where ever then I will be there with there are long as you want me to."

"Really? You would do that for me?"

"Of coarse. I love you."

Hanna gave him a soft smile. And then her eyes lit up with curiosity.

"Where did you to college?"

Spike was surprised by the question. How did she know he went to college?

"How do you know if I even went to university?"

"Well…when you're not acting all cocky and stuff you have a very elevated speech and I saw all those poetry and literature books at your place so I just figured you went when you were you younger…or a human I mean."

Spike sighed. He had hoped she would never ask about his other life, but he needed to be honest with her. "I went to Oxford."

"Really? Wow! You must have been really smart. What was your major?"

"Well we didn't really have those when I was going, but I studied literature, poetry, philosophy, French and Italian."

"May I say wow again. So wait did you graduate?"

"Yes."

"What year did you go to school?"  
Spike knew what she was getting at and it was cute she was trying to be polite and try not to be blunt and ask how old he really was.

"I'm about 150 pet."

"Wow…again…again" Her eyes were wide and she looked down at her hands for what seemed like forever. Then she looked at him like he hadn't just told her he was over a century old and said nonchalantly.

"So I bet you saw a lot. Like the invention of the tv and world war two."

"I was trapped on a Nazi submarine once."

"Really? Cool. What happened?"

"It was because of Angel actually. The wanker."

"I thought you hated Angel?"

"I do, but back then my clan was all I had."

"You clan? Like a tribe?"

Spike chuckled. "Something like that. Angel is my grandsire."

Hanna gave him a puzzled look. "Like he's your grandpa?"

"Um not exactly. He sired Drusilla who sired me."

Hanna looked lost in thought as she gazed at her hands.

Spike thought she looked cute all pensive.

"Ok, so, sired means makes a vampire right? So Drusilla is your sire?"

Spike nodded.

"Did you love her?"

Spike sighed. Drusilla related questions was not something he wanted to bring up just after they had gotten back together. She wasn't ready to hear about the woman he loved for a hundred years and the woman that he let live even though she is evil, dangerous, and insane. But he couldn't really make such an innocent and black and white thinker as Hanna that he didn't love Dru like he used to but he still loved her or atleast felt a connection with her to where if she dusted he would feel it."

"If you don't want to tell me you don't have to." Hanna said in a small voice.

"No, love. Its not that I don't want you to know. But I am not really ready to talk about Dru yet. To answer your question. I did love her. Very very much. I would have died for her."

"Oh, were you together a long time?"

"One hundred years."

"So you were with the same girl since the 1800's? Wow talk about loyalty." She gave a small uncomfortable laugh and tried to pass it off as a joke, but just ended up sounded like nerves and a sob.

"Love please let, not talk about this right now."

Hanna nodded and gave him a smile. "So if you went to college then that would make you about twenty-three?"

"Twenty-eight actually. I graduated a few years before I was turned."

"Eww…you're almost thirty!"

Spike really hoped she was joking, but he could see the laughter in her eyes.

"You didn't think it was eww a little while ago."

Spike was so surprised and relieved. He had told her that he was over one hundred years old and she hardly even blinked. He told her that he had been killing for many years and she didn't even hesitate. She was trying to get used to being with a vampire and it seemed she had it down pretty well already. It helped that the people she had been spending time for over half a year didn't really care about those things either.

Hanna smiled at him.

"Ok, ok, I'm sorry, no need to be a grumpy old man."

"Oi, enough with the old man stuff. Or you'll get it missy."

Hanna stood up from his lap and looked down at him.

"Geez I didn't know sensitive was a side effect of getting old too."

Hanna smiled at him playfully.

"Ok that's it; you're going over my knee."

Spike stood quickly and slipped on his shirt. Hanna screamed and took off running to the kitchen. Spike could have easily caught her, but chasing her would be much more fun. He slowed his pace to let her get a little ways ahead of him.

"Come on old man, running out of breath all ready?"

Spike chuckled. "You just wait pet."

Spike ran a little faster and saw that she had run to the back yard then out the gate to the front. Spike ran faster and saw her running for the large tree on the Summer's grassy yard. Spike charged and tackled Hanna to the ground. Hanna playfully struggled.

"No, no please Mr. Vampire don't bite me…"

Spike sat on top of her and held her arms above her head. He bent down and kissed her neck. He whispered gently into the shell of her ear.

"Caught you love."

Hanna smiled at him with happiness shining in her eyes. But just as Spike was about to kiss her again her look changed to one of fear. She let out a surprised scream. Spike turned just as he was pulled roughly from Hanna and thrown against the tree. Spike slid to the ground and shook his head to clear it. He hated being caught off guard. He stood and saw that who ever had attacked him had grabbed Hanna and was pulling her to her feet. Spike's nostrils flared with anger. No one touched his mate.

"Hey let go of her you pillock!"

Spike shouted as he ran to the two of them. Spike knew it was vampire, that much he could smell. The vampire pulled Hanna behind him. He could also smell Hanna's fear which pushed Spike farther over the edge.

"Spike! Help!"

Spike growled and went into game face. He grabbed the vampire shoulder and pulled him roughly around to face him. Them Spike quickly punched him in the face. When the vampire fell to the ground Spike rushed over to Hanna.

"Love are you alright?"

Hanna held up her wrist where the vampire had grabbed her. It would bruise a nice shade of purple but she would be ok.

"Sorry I couldn't protect you again."

Spike lifter her wrist and gently kissed it.

"Its ok Spike. I….look out!"

Spike turned and caught the assailant's punch in his own fist. When Spike dropped his opponent's fist he finally saw who it was.

"Angel? What the bloody hell are you doing?"  
"Did you think I was going to stand by and let you drain that girl dry?"  
Spike sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. "Once again Angel you have bollocks up a good moment while simultaneously getting everything wrong and looking like an ass."

"What are you talking about boy?"

Angel always called him boy in front of others to make it clear who the elder vampire was. Most of the time it just made him sound like an idiot and a bit creepy.

"I wasn't attacking her."

"Oh right like I'm supposed to believe…"

"Angel?"

Angel and Spike both turned to see Buffy, Dawn, Giles, Willow and Tara all standing in the drive way looking from Hanna to them.

"Buffy."

Spike rolled his eyes. Angst party of two. He grabbed Hanna's hand made way for the Summer's house. He wasn't going to stand there and watch the tragedy that was Buffy and Angel. It was painful to watch his grandsire be such a moron when it comes to love. He had someone pining for him and yet he still continues to stay away. Spike had done the same thing and look where that got him. Eight months of cold loneliness, self pity, and his girl thinking he hated her. He wasn't going to leave her again thank you very much.

"Hey where do you think you're going?" Angel shouted after him.

Spike turned slowly. "I'm going back inside. I can't stomach so much tragic love."

"Buffy do you know this girl? Is it ok for Spike to be taking her somewhere, or touching her even?"

"Well they had some thing…and then I told Spike to leave her alone, so no he shouldn't be."

"Listen slayer, I thought I was doing the right thing by staying away from her, and I agree that she deserves someone normal, someone human, but for what ever reason I cant even fathom, she wants me and loves me. So I am not going to ignore her feelings or be a righteous bastard and pretend to know what's best for her. I'm gonna love her cause that's what I know how to do."

Spike looked at Hanna who was smiling sweetly at him. He couldn't help his own goofy grin that spread across his face.

"See Angel, Spike gets it. Why don't you?"

Everyone's eyes moved to rest on Dawn who was standing with her arms folded and glaring at Angel.

"Dawn, go back into the house!" Buffy commanded giving her sister her own glare.

Dawn mumbled something that sounded a lot like Angel's a nancy boy and stomped off towards the house.

Giles stepped forwards and spoke up. "Ok now that we have established yet again that Spike and Angel are enemies and Dawn is too observant for a teenager. Can we please talk about this new information? Like why Spike is holding hands with Ms. Jenson and why Angel is here?"

Hanna looked over at Giles and answered.

"Well do you remember when I was so miserable for those months? It was because Spike left, but he came back and we talked things over and we are back together. And I want to know is why this Angel guy attacked us?"

Angel looked sheepish but then quickly covered it up. Buffy swooped in to defend him.

"He logically assumed that Spike was attacking you. It's not uncommon for vampires to do that."

Hanna shook her head. "We were kissing and laughing and if Angel was holding some girl would you think he was killing her?"

Everyone's eyes jumped from Buffy and Angel to Hanna and Spike.

"I haven't killed in years. I have a soul." Angel said angrily.

"Well Spike hasn't killed in months and has a chip."

"That's different." Angel spat.

"How? How is it?"

"Without Spike's chip he would kill again. Turn into a monster."

"Ok, according to the books on you, if you loose your soul you'll turn into a monster again too. So again what's the difference?"

"Spike didn't want the stop killing people. He didn't want the chip."

"You do know what a curse is don't you?"

Spike was having a hard time keeping himself from laughing. Here was this girl who hadn't seen him in months, and here is defending him against someone she has never met. His hated grandsire no less and surprisingly kicking his moral ass. Spike loved this moment more than any other in his un life.

"I am working to help people and atone for my killings." Angel pointed to himself and then pointed to Spike. "He's just biding his time killing demons until he can get that chip out."

Hanna glared at Angel with fire in her eyes. "You don't know Spike at all. He could have easily killed people if he wanted. His chip doesn't stop him from killing, just like your soul doesn't. It's a choice and Spike is choosing to be a good man for me and for Dawn and Joyce. The people who love and care about him. Just because he can't bite people doesn't mean he couldn't set Buffy's house on fire, fire a gun, or hire other demons to kill. He's not helpless just like you. The only way you two are different is that when Spike loves someone he doesn't run away."

If there were ever two words that would fit the picture that was made up of a group of teenagers and adults silently staring at each other with wide eyes it would…Stunned. Silence. Angel's expression grew more and more furious as he stared at Hanna with fire and strong dislike. Hanna was holding her own with a look that matched his fiery one.

"So what did I miss?"

Everyone turned slowly as Xander and Anya made their way up the drive way to where the gang was standing. His smile quickly faded when he noticed the tension between everyone.

"Hey, seriously here guys. Did someone die? Is there an apocalypse? Is that what Angel came to tell us?"

Buffy was the first to snap out of the silence and turned to Angel.

"Let's move on. We can go back to this later. What was the important thing you needed to tell us?"

Angel took a deep breath and turned to Buffy.

"It wasn't really important in the sense of an emergency. It was important for the future of…..well of you and I."

Everyone gave each other looks of confusion. Hanna looked at Spike who shrugged his shoulders. He was curious now too. What would bring him back now?

"What is it Angel?" Buffy asked softly.

"My soul….its…different now….I went to Africa and saw this Shaman….he told me of this test. Asked me what I wanted most…I told him… I told him you….and he…lifted my curse….he made my soul permanent."

Stunned silence number two.

"Yes, well why don't we go inside and I'll make some tea. Come on everyone. I think it would be most appropriate to leave Angel and Buffy alone."

Giles ushered everyone up to the porch and inside the house. Even though nobody wanted to go inside and miss the drama they all reluctantly followed any way.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13: Making Plans and Making Judgments**

"Hey guys, where's Buffy and Angel?" Dawn asked as she came down the stairs.

"You missed it!" Hanna gushed as she raced to the bottom steps to meet Dawn.

"Angel had the curse lifted!"

Dawn's eyes grew wide. "What? No way!"

"I know right? And before I totally kicked his un dead butt. I was all like when you love people you run away and Spike's no different from you and oh it was so cool."

"Oh man I wish I could have seen his face. I bet he was mad."  
"Mad doesn't even begin to describe it."

Spike chuckled to himself over how cute Hanna was. She was so excited and happy just to be gossiping with her friend. She was so proud that she defended Spike that it touched his dead heart. She really loved him and he really didn't know why, but for what ever reason she really did. He was so lucky. Her gossiping reminded Spike of her age though. She was very young, still in high school and just barely thinking of college. He had hundred plus years on her and ten human years on her as well. He wondered again if it was right for him to be the only person she was ever with. His love was intense and mature and he asked himself if she could handle it. But for some reason the Powers That Be chose her as his mate so she must be ready. And it wasn't like she was immature. She was bright and quick, resourceful and kind. Hanna was perfect for Spike in everyway. As if she could read his thoughts Hanna came back over to him where he was leaning up against the wall as Dawn followed the group into the kitchen.

"Hey."

"Hey pet."

"Everyone's congregating in the kitchen. Wanna come?"

"I don't think I'm really invited to this tea party love."

Hanna put her arms around him and rested her chin on his chest as she looked up at him.

"Well I'm invited and you're my guest, so come on. Besides you can help me drink that nasty tea that Giles makes."

Spike wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer.

"What makes you think I like tea?"

Hanna giggled. "Cause you say words like bloody and ponce."

Spike gave his own small laugh. "Well you've got me there love. Alright. I know how much you like chatting with your little girlie friends and I am sure that Willow and Tara like you."

Spike pushed off the wall and took Hanna's hand.

"They do, and I like them. Sometimes when I sleep over here and Willow is watching Dawn while Buffy patrols it's like a big sleep over. It's really fun. Tara helped me a lot with missing you and stuff. She was the only one that told me you were coming back."

Spike cocked his brow. "Really?"

"Yeah. She said that because deep down I felt like you still loved me that you would find a reason to come back. She was right."

Hanna smiled at him and Spike made a mental note to give Glinda a big hug and a fruit basket or something. They went into the kitchen where everyone was bustling with chatter about Angel and Buffy.

"Maybe it's a trap."

"How could it be a trap Xander?" Willow asked with a bit of annoyance.

"Its obvious he still loves her and she still loves him."

"Yeah but what about Riley?"

Dawn piped up. "He wouldn't even help her take down an evil organization, what makes you think she'll choose him?"

Xander looked at Dawn like she was a naïve child. Spike knew she hated it when he did that.

"Because she hasn't broken up with him yet. Just because you ignore someone for a few days doesn't mean you're broken up."

Dawn rolled her eyes at him when he turned around.

"Well I think Buffy will be with Angel because she can have sex with him now."

"Anya!" Xander screamed.

"What? Its true." Anya shrugged her shoulders at her boyfriend who only groaned in response.

Giles looked over at Hanna and Spike and Spike knew a question was burning on his lips.

"What is it watcher?"

Giles stepped towards them. He took his glasses off and started to clean them. "Does your leaving have anything to do with your relationship to Ms. Hanna?"

Spike sighed. Here we go. He'll have to tell the whole sodding story to everyone because he knew they were all dying to know why he left, why Hanna was all of a sudden a part of their life and why they were so quickly back together. Hanna didn't really even know herself yet. She did know about the chip and Angel's curse. She seemed to take that in stride and she seemed comfortable with the idea of vampires, demons, witches, underground demon science labs, and slayers. Maybe she won't be so surprised or put off by the mate thing.

"Yeah and explain why someone like Hanna would want to be with a soulless dead thing."

"Shut up Xander!"

All the women in the kitchen yelled at him at once. A look of shock passed over his face then he slumped down onto his stool.

"Yes, it does. To answer your question watcher, I left because I thought Hanna wanted me to. End of story."

"Yes yes, but why did you think that?"

Giles was never really curious in Spike unless it was for his bloody watcher's journal. Spike raised his eyes to the ceiling. If that's the reason then Giles would love the fact that Spike has mated with a human. The first time that has happened as far as he was concerned. Spike decided to be as vague as he possibly could.

"Because she told me to leave."

"Why Spike?" This time it was Willow.

"She got scared when I told her what I was."

"So that's how she found out! I knew it had to be your fault some how. Why did you do that? Enough people know already, besides she has nothing to offer the group, no fighting skills. She could get killed."

"Well you don't have any skills, but the slayer keeps you around." Spike fired back and Xander only glared.

"I told her because no girl of mine is going to walk the streets of SunnyDale and not know what is out there. And most importantly I felt like a right wanker lying to her every day."

Giles put a fist to his mouth in thought. "How did the two of you meet?"

Hanna raised her eyes to him and they had a look of sadness. She didn't want to relive that moment of her life and neither did Spike.

"Outside the Bronze."

"Oh praying on naïve teenage girls are we? Crazy Drusilla didn't want you so you move on to someone who doesn't know any better?"

Spike clenched his jaw tight with anger.

"Shut your gob whelp or I will rip it off."

"You can't…the chip."

"The bloody pain'll be worth it."

"Buffy will never let you…"

"Buffy isn't here."

Hanna put a hand on Spike's arm.

"Its ok Spike. I don't want you to get a headache. Just leave it alone. It's not worth it."

Spike instantly calmed. She was right and her touch was helping his anger subside. Spike sighed and gave Hanna a small smile before turning back to the watcher. Giles noticed the interaction between them because he gave Spike a wide eyed look. Spike felt as thought he had been caught.

"Spike may I speak with you in the hallway?"

Spike tensed and gave a quick nod. He left the safety of Hanna's side and followed Giles into the hallway. When Spike got there Giles quickly turned on him.

"Please tell me for the sake of my sanity and this girl's that you did not mate with her."

He was whispering harshly and it irked Spike that Giles would question Hanna's sanity. Why did she have to be insane to love him? His past relationship would be an example but Hanna was perfectly normal.

"I didn't choose this to happen. It just happened."

Giles put a hand to his forehead.

"Do you understand that there could be dire repercussions of what you did?"  
"You should know from your damn books that vampires have no say in who their mates are. I did not have a choice and if I had I wouldn't have intentionally chosen a human. I am nothing like the great nancy boy. But again I didn't have a choice. We found each other and we fell in love. She's mine for a reason and I intend not to bollocks it up just because of the bloody consequences."

Giles sighed and looked wearily at Spike.

"Hanna is just a girl. She is not ready for your type of love."

"You don't think I know that? But what can I do. I can't leave her. The only thing I can do is make sure, despite the situation, she has as normal a life as I can give her."

Giles continued to look at Spike with a stoic expression. "

What is going to happen when she is dying?"  
"Watch it Rupert …"

"What will you do?"  
"I said…"  
"Will you turn her?"

Spike grabbed Giles by the throat and slammed his against the wall. Both men were taking deep breaths. Giles from not being able to breath properly and Spike from the intense pain rocketing through his skull. He clenched his teeth as the pain continued. His nose started to bleed from all the pressure from his brain, but he ignored it. How dare the watcher bring up something that Spike himself doesn't even want to admit. Hanna would grow old eventually and pass away. But she was young and healthy and he would worry about that when it came down to it. Hanna would have to beg, she would have to be desperate for Spike to turn her. She was youthful and full of life. He loved to look into her eyes and see brightness and that spark of humanity. To think of it fading away….to think of her fading away…Spike's grip on Giles tightened. Fear sprung into Gile's eyes. Just then Buffy burst through the door with Angel in tow. She stopped as she saw Spike and Giles.

"Is there a problem here?"

Spike released Giles and walked back into the kitchen.

Giles rubbed his throat. "No everything is fine."

Buffy still didn't look like she believed him but with Giles' coxing followed him back into the kitchen with the others.

The three of them followed Spike into where Joyce had just come in carrying grocery bags. "Hey folks. Wanna help me carrying in the bags?"

The gang all got up to help with the exception of Anya, Buffy and Angel.

"Oh…hello Angel. I forgot you were coming."

Angel walked over to her and smiled.

"Hello Mrs. Summers. I hope I won't be a burden to you."

Joyce looked to her daughter in question.

"He's staying at the mansion on Crawford but he'll be spending some time here while we figure out the plans for the Initiative."

"So he won't be staying here then?"

"No."

A look of relief crossed Joyce's face.

"Oh ok, then no burden at all Angel."

Spike walked in just in time to hear Joyce say that and see the disappointment on Angel's face. He could hardly keep himself from laughing.

"No offense Angel, but one vampire is enough to handle."

Angel snapped his head up to look at Spike and then at Buffy.

"Spike is staying here? In your house?"

Buffy looked sheepish and shrugged. Angel turned to Spike.

"What did you have to do to get that huh?"  
Spike replied nonchalantly.

"Nothing. The Summers all agreed that I should stay here and that was that. Why? Didn't you get invited?"

Angel growled quietly and Spike caught Joyce trying not to smile. Hanna walked into carrying a few bags and set them down on the counter. She saw who came in and was going to walk back out when Angel called out.

"Hey!"

Hanna turned and looked at Angel daring him to say something rude.

"I…I'm sorry for how I acted."

Hanna quirked a brow in question, it looked a lot like a look Spike would give when he thinks someone is lying.

"You were…right….about me and Buffy…I couldn't see past my own guilt for the things I had done to see what I was still doing to her."

Buffy and Angel gave each other small knowing smiles.

"So are you guys back together or not?" Anya asked blatantly.

Buffy cheeks colored a bit with all the attention on her and hesitantly grabbed Angel's hand.

"We're gonna try it while he's helping out. If it works then we'll decide what to do next."

Xander stood and raised his hand.

"Hey I don't want to be the destroyer of happiness here and just shut up right now Spike, anyways, Buffy you haven't ended things with Riley yet."

Buffy sagged her shoulders.

"I called him while we were outside."

Angel laid a hand on her shoulders and rubbed it a little.

"He was so angry. I hope he doesn't do anything stupid to where I have to hurt him. I really don't want him to be an enemy."

"Hey it's ok Buffy. Maybe he just needs some time to cool down."

Willow offered a supportive smile.

Spike rolled his eyes. He hoped the slayer killed him, or at least he got to. Now that pain would be nothing compared to the satisfaction Spike would get to feel. Hanna must have noticed his change in emotions or saw his look because she walked over and stood with her back to Spike. She twisted around and pulled both of his arms around her waist and leaned into him. He smiled and kissed her hair softly. Tara and Dawn were really the only ones who noticed and they both gave Hanna and Spike big smiles.

"Alright guys. We need to figure out a plan to infiltrate the Initiative. Angel suggested looking for an entrance from the woods. It would explain how they got there for fast when we were looking for Oz."

Willow bit her lip and looked away. Tara pulled her close. "Shhhh baby. It's ok." Buffy gave Willow a sympathetic look. "Sorry Willow."

"No it's ok Buffy. I'm good. So entrance in the woods?"

"Yes. Now Spike?"

Spike released Hanna and walked more to the front of the group.

"What do I have to do?"

Buffy gave him a strange look, almost apologetic.

"You're gonna let them capture you."

Spike was taken aback by this. Have to be a prisoner again? In that horrible white cell that smelled of rubbing alcohol and poisoned blood. He still had nightmares of the place, but he wanted his chip out and he wanted that awful place burned to the ground.

"Alright."

Buffy gave him a nod and then looked to Willow.

"Ok you and Tara can do a…"

"Um excuse me?"

Hanna walked over and stood by Spike. She looked surprised and annoyed.

"What is it?" Buffy asked her.

"There is no way Spike is letting himself get taken by these guys."

Spike was touched that she cared so much. It was nice have someone defend him every single time. But it must be done.

"No, love its alright. I know what I'm doing."

"No. You don't know what could happen down there. Buffy you said they have more advanced weapons. What is they found a way to kill vampires with bullets? What if they take out his brain completely or something? What if they torture him? I'm sorry but that is not a risk I am willing to take. Find a different way in."

"Don't be so selfish Hanna. This needs to get done."

Xander said, his enjoyment of saying that made Spike want to shake him.

"You just say that because there's a chance Spike will never come back."

"I guess your right."

Everyone erupted at Xander at once.

"Xander, don't be so mean." Willow said while Tara just glared.

"Xander you are such a jerk." Dawn said and then walked over to stand by Hanna and Spike.

"Xander honestly." Joyce chided.

"Xander cool it ok?" Buffy asked trying to make everything calm again.

"Yes, Xander personal vendettas are not appropriate right now. We have a dangerous matter on our hands." Giles stated.

Even Angel had something to say. "Spike might be our only way in."

"Thank you very much Angel. See guys? He sees reason."

"Let me finish. But I think it will be dangerous and Spike shouldn't have to be alone."

Spike was most surprised most of all by Angel's words. Did he mean that? Was he doing that to impress Buffy and try to get in good with Joyce and Dawn? Did he have some other motive or plan he was going to carry out?

"What's it to you peaches?"

Angel glared at Spike for the nickname, but continued.

"I'll go with Spike. They won't pass up another vampire and that way if something happens Spike or I have back up. We'll get in, get the place unlocked and find a way to give you a signal."

Buffy shook her head

. "I am not sending both of my strongest fighters in there. I'll need back up as well. I need to cover Willow and Tara and Giles while they do the Protection spell for us and the spell to paralyze all demons in the area, well besides vampires of coarse. I can't do that myself."

"Then send Angel to be caught and Spike will cover you."

Hanna suggested.

"Hanna, I understand your concern for Spike but…"  
"Angel is the best way for you to get in."

"How do you figure?" Buffy asked with arms folded against her chest.

Not really believing that she should send Angel instead of Spike.

"Well first of all, how is Spike going to escape when he can't hurt humans? Second don't you think this Riley guy will recognize him and just kill him on the spot? He'll know that Spike probably wouldn't get caught twice and know that something was up. He could warn everyone and so now your element of surprise is gone. He doesn't know Angel and would just think he was another vampire. Angel can hurt the soldiers, escape and clear the way for you guys."

No one had an argument. Even Xander couldn't argue with the logic. Hanna really was very bright and Angel would have a better chance of getting in undetected especially now that they had Riley as an enemy. Buffy sighed.

"OK, true, but using your logic Spike can't protect the others from all the soldiers so we are still going with Spike being captured. He can get away from them and run."

Hanna slumped her shoulders and looked at Spike.

"Can't you not go at all? You can stay here and hide with Dawn and I."

Spike smiled softly. "I never hide love. And I made the slayer a promise. And I want this bloody chip out of my brain."

"Yeah, Dawn told me what it did. I'm sorry."  
"No, it was a good thing. It helped lead me to you."

Spike smiled and Hanna just looked at him with surprised affection.

"Ok so Tara and Willow will..."  
"Hey Buffy?" Dawn walked hesitantly to the front of the group.

"Yeah Dawnie?"

"I think I have an idea that would ensure that both our vampires are safe."

Xander rolled his eyes. "Oh goodie."


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14: Memories**

"Do you think Dawn's plan will really work?" Hanna asked as her and Spike casually walked down the street to Hanna's.

"Don't know pet. I fancy any idea where I don't have to be soldier bait. So I'm hopeful it will."

"I'm glad we are trying something else. It made me mad that everyone was ok with sending you to the wolves."

"Yeah I wanted to talk to you about that love. I wanted to thank you for sticking up for me, I wasn't really expecting it."

Hanna stopped him a little ways before her house. "Spike of coarse I would. Why wouldn't I?"

Spike sighed.

"Well I know I've hurt you a lot in the past so I wasn't sure…"

Hanna put a finger to his lips.

"We hurt each other. And all that matters is that we are together now. Let's just start over ok? Pretend that you were on vacation for those months. Let's just concentrate on our relationship."  
Spike smiled down at her. She looked so beautiful at night. The moon light made her skin pale as a pearl and shining with angelic qualities. Her hair shimmered like rubies and her eyes were a bright contrast to the dark sky. Spike was enthralled with her and so amazed that she loved him back, despite all that happened between them. She included him in her life plans like college and wanted him to be safe. She didn't want anyone pushing him around and she was protective just as he was fiercely protective of her. His unlife really did just get a whole lot better.

"Hey Spike?"  
"Yeah love?" He breathed his response too enamored to say anything else.

"You're kinda staring at me."  
Spike chuckled deep in throat.

"Well a pretty girl like you deserves to be stared at."

He repeated his words to her from the second night they met. When he started to realize that she was more than a girl he had saved.

Hanna's eyes twinkled with a smile and she rose up on her toes and brought her lips gently to his. Spike responded by sliding his arms around her and holding her tightly to him. Never wanting to let her go.

"Hanna Marie Jensen!"

They broke apart and turned towards her house where Hanna's father was standing on the grass with his arms folded and scowling.

"You are late young lady, now get in this house. Who is that you're with?"

Hanna sighed and grabbed Spike's hand. "It's Spike Dad."  
"Spike??!! Margeret!"

Mr. Jensen stormed back into the house.

As quickly as he went into the house, both him and Margaret came back out.

"George! Just stop it! She is five minutes late and she has been waiting for Spike to come back from England. Now apologize for yelling at her in the street and for embarrassing yourself and Spike."

George Jensen looked helplessly at his wife of twenty-two years and then at Hanna and Spike. He visibly sighed in defeat.

"Would you like to come inside Mr….Spike?"

He sounded as though he forced out each word with each breath. Spike was stunned and a bit nervous.

"Alright. Thank you Mr. Jensen."

Spike and Hanna followed her mother and father into the house. Margaret sat in the chair and George followed her lead by sitting in the chair parallel to hers. Spike and Hanna took the couch. Hanna grabbed his hand and gave it a comforting squeeze. George took a deep breath.

"Alright. If I am going to trust you with my daughter…again… then there are some things I need to know about you. Does that sound fair Hanna?"

Hanna nodded and looked at Spike. Silently asking if it was ok with him. Spike nodded quickly.

"Alright, first of all what is your real name and can we please call you that?"

Spike flinched. He didn't want to be called his human name and he certainly didn't want Hanna to know about it. That part of his was dead and he wanted to keep it that way. To have to hear his birth name from humans would make him even more confused and feel more human than he ever wanted to feel. But….he knew he had to make changes if he was going to be in Hanna's world like she had become part of his.

"My name is William. Not Will or Willie. Just William."

Hanna looked over at him and smiled. "Told you you had an English sounding name."

Spike chuckled softly. "So you did love."

"Alright William, what are your plans for the future? I assume you are older than a high school student, so are you attending college? Or working? Last time I heard you weren't doing anything."  
"Dad!"  
Spike patted her hand.

"Its ok love. No I already attended university. I graduated last year."

George looked surprised and so did Margaret.

"So that makes you how old exactly?"

"Twenty-four."

"You're quit a bit older than Hanna is."

Hanna coughed and tried not to laugh. Spike inwardly smiled.

Maragret chimed in. "Well dear I was still in high school while you were in college."

George glared at his wife. "Thank you _dear_."

"And also Dad I have always been more mature then any one at my school and besides Spike acts like a giant teenager anyways."  
"Oi I do not." Spike said in mock hurt.

"Anyway, William, are you planning on having a job?"

Spike didn't really know what to tell him. He did really go to college and his name really was William, but how do you tell someone that his saving bonds are worth millions because he opened them when they first opened banks? He didn't need to work and neither did Hanna for the rest of her life. But he needed to tell him something. So he said the first job that came to him.

"A friend of mine, from England, just opened a small shop and has offered me a job there to help him get it started."

Hanna looked at him sideways and he knew what she was thinking. Giles would never give him a job at the Magic Box and they were not friends. But for now it would work.

"Alright my last question is about Hanna's future. She will be going to college and she has said she wanted to go to the college here in SunnyDale. Now there is nothing wrong with this school, both Margaret and I finished our Master's there, but with Hanna's grades and talents she needs to be in a more reputable school. Which means she will be living far away from here. Are you alright with that?"

"Dad I already told you I would think about it. Don't get him involved in it too. USD is a great school. A lot of my friends go there already."  
"Yes the two lesbian wickas and Dawn's older sister that comes and goes at all hours of the night."

Hanna narrowed her eyes. "Dad are you suggesting that there is something wrong with my friends?"

Spike knew this was not going to end well and by the look on Hanna's mother's face so did she. Both of Hanna's parents lived in the land of normalcy. They couldn't understand that the girls were powerful witches and Buffy is leaving to go save the world every night.

"Excuse me if I may say something?"

All three people in the room looked over at Spike.

"I have spent time with the people next door. Buffy works at night to help pay her own way through school so she's not a burden to her mum. And Willow and Tara aren't off sacrificing chickens or anything. There good girls too." Spike didn't want to defend Buffy's honor but if Hanna's father didn't trust her with Buffy and Joyce then it would be harder for her to help the Scooby gang and Spike knew that she loved being part of that group and being part of what he does.

"But that doesn't change the fact that you deserve better than a UC school. Your mother went to Dartmouth and I went to Norte Dame. It would only make sense for you to follow in our footsteps."

"But Dad I don't want to leave home and don't want to leave this town. The same opportunities will be open to me right here at USD."

Spike just realized how utterly insane his life sounded. Here he was a hundred year old vampire and he was sitting in a suburban home with parents of an eighteen year old talking about plans and jobs and college. His life used to revolve around murder, blood, violence, traveling the world, and building his reputation as a master vampire. He had become the slayer in a way. She was a college student normal gilr by day and a demon hunter by night. Now he was doting human boyfriend helping his girlfriend get into school by day and blood drinking vampire by night. But this couldn't work like Buffy's double life can. He was always a vampire and he couldn't do anything "by day" except hide in shadows. He wished he had kept the ring of Amora and not have wasted it on trying to kill the slayer. He would have it now and he would be able to enjoy the sunlight with Hanna.

After about another hour of debating Hanna's parents invited him over for dinner on Saterday to "get to know home better". Which to Spike meant talking about why he left and did he intend to stay. Hanna walked him to the door and they shared a quick kiss good night before Hanna whispered into his ear that she would leave the window open. Spike smiled at her and Hanna gave him a look of sharing some dirty secret with him. It made him instantly excited and he really wanted to hurry up and pretend to leave already. Spike had gotten all the way to the sidewalk before Margaret rushed over to him.

"Spike?"

"Yes Margaret?"  
"I just want you to know that George does like you. No other boy that has shown interest in Hanna has made it to the inviting over for dinner phase. So it will take time. He is very protective of her."

"I understand. May I ask why?"

Margaret sighed. "Because of my brother."

Spike cocked his head to one side in question.

He….lost his daughter….she was taken by a….a boyfriend of hers. He took her to the mountains and he…"

Margaret's eyes welled with tears and her lip quivered. Spike knew where this story was going and knew it didn't have a happy ending like Hanna's horror story did. No one came and saved this girl.

"No no. You don't need to say it. I'm sorry for your loss. I would be protective of my little girl too if the dangers of this world was shoved right into my lap."

"You're a good man Spike, and a good choice for my daughter. I'll see you on Saterday."

Spike nodded and smiled as Margaret went back into the house.

Spike walked to the end of the street and then doubled back and went around to the side of the house. Just to make sure enough time had passed so it wouldn't seem odd. He jumped noiselessly to Hanna's window and saw it was wide open. Heavy black curtains moving softly in the gentle breeze. Spike saw Hanna sitting at her desk with a thick textbook open and her pen writing furiously. Spike smiled. Studious just like he was.

"Are these new love?"

Hanna jumped and turned.  
"Gosh you scared me!" Hanna held a hand to her chest as she stood.  
Spike chuckled. "Sorry love I didn't mean to. Vampires are notorious for being able to creep."

"Yeah, creep-Y you mean. And yes they're new. Dawn gave them to me from Angel's old place."

"Well they'll come in handy unless you want your Spike extra crispy."

Hanna giggled.

"So what was my mom saying to you outside?"

"Oh she was telling me about why your dad was so protective of you."

Hanna stiffened and looked at her hands. "Oh…so she told you about Stacy?"

Spike nodded. "Pretty name."  
"Yeah, she was very pretty. She was like a sister to me. She was fourteen when it happened. I was ten. It was such a shock…one weekend she was over here teaching me to French braid and the next she was….just gone. Her younger brother Chase was never the same, her father, mother, me, everyone was so sad…we just couldn't believe it…."

Spike reached over and put her arms around Hanna and pulled her close.

"Shh love its alright."

Hanna cried quietly into his shirt and Spike held onto her tightly.

That makes what happened to her on their first meeting so much worse. She must have thought she would have the same fate as her cousin. She looked up to her obviously and it must have been hard to loose her and then be attacked by a boy that she trusted herself. Spike thanked whoever may listen that he was there at the right time and right place. The time that passed seemed like forever with Hanna just holding onto Spike and sniffling quietly. She finally looked up at Spike and giggle softly.

"Sorry I was Ms. Weepy. I didn't mean to cry all over you."

Spike shook his head. "No no love its alright. I know things like this can be scary and tough, but hey I'm just thankful it wasn't drool this time."

Hanna's eyes widened. "What?! I never drooled on you."  
Spike's eyes twinkled with laughter.

"Oh you did, all night, probably cause your mouth was open from snoring."

Hanna gasped. "No way!!"

Spike was glad he could help avert her thoughts to something happy. He didn't want her dwelling on the past she could not change. She needed to deal with things yes, but dwelling on them is just as bad as ignoring them.

Hanna rolled her eyes. "Whatever Spike."

Then her eyes grew wide in panic. "Oh no!"  
"What is it love?"  
"Don't look at me! I forgot to take off my glasses."

"Love I have already seen you in them."  
"Yeah but that was before. I look totally dorky."

"Love you look adorable and bright at the same time."  
"Really? You don't think it makes me look like a nerd?"

"What's wrong with being a nerd? It just means that when high school's over you'll be calling the shots."

"Well I guess you're right. Thanks Spike or should I say William."

Hanna laughed and gave Spike a knowing look. She knew he was embarrassed about his name.

"Hey its Spike to you missy."

Hanna was still laughing. "Oh come one William… talk about English. They should have just called you Mr. Tea and Crumpets."

Spike mocked frowned at her. "You know you are not too old to go over my knee to watch your mouth."

Hanna stopped laughing and rolled her eyes at Spike.

"You know that is the second time you have threatened me with that and I don't see any action. You seem to be all talk."

Spike's eyebrows rose in surprise. Was she flirting with him? In a sexual way? Spike decided to react quick enough so she didn't have time to change her mind. Spike with his lightening fast speed, grabbed Hanna and threw her on her bed. Before she could get away he threw her legs over his lap and

SMACK, SMACK, SMACK,

quick spanks on the behind. Hanna was giggling and trying not to be loud and his chip wasn't going off so Spike knew he wasn't hurting her. When he was done he let her up.

"So I'm all talk huh?"

Hanna rubbed her back side and gave Spike an incredulous look.

"I can't believe you did that to me!"

Spike chuckled. "Well you asked for it. If you have a smart mouth you get a smart bottom to go with it."

Hanna glared at him and stuck her lip out in a pout. "But it hurt."

Spike frowned playfully. "I'm sorry baby. I'm a bad rude man. Come here and ole' Spike will make it all better."

Hanna tried not to smile at that and made her way to Spike. She sat next to him on the bed and looked up at him with her trusting big eyes. Spike realized what he had said to her. _I'm sorry baby I'm a bad rude man._ He flashed to when he had said that to Drusilla back when they first got to Sunnydale. He compared the two memories and thought of how completely opposite they were. He said that to Dru because she was sick, weak, out of her mind, and manipulative to no end. She liked things done her way and she liked him to be attentive to her when she was able to ignore him and treat him like dirt beneath her feet. When he had said it to Hanna it was playful and light. She didn't seem the type to want him to bend to her every whim or con him into doing things that she wanted. Didn't treat his emotions or heart as a weakness or something to toy with. She was able to be shy and playful but when she needed to be serious she was right there to back him up. She didn't need to be physically strong like Drusilla; she was emotionally strong for him and their relationship. Once again Spike wanted to laugh at the irony of this little girl being more strong and capable then his own sire. The Powers That Be like making jokes apparently and he was always the butt of them. "Hey Spike?"

Spike snapped out of yet another reverie. "Yes love."

"I need to ask you something."

Spike could hear the seriousness in her tone and knew that play time was over.

"What is it?"

"What's does mating mean to a vampire?"


	15. Chapter 15

_**Chapter 15: The Ways of a Vampire**_

"Uh…where did you hear about that love?"

Spike asked to stall for time. What the hell do I tell her? He wanted to tell her the truth, but they would have yet another hard discussion ahead of them and he would have to admit that he didn't tell her everything. He didn't want Hanna to think he was still a liar even though he technically was. And there was always the question of what her reaction would be like. He didn't want to leave her again. He was scared, but he knew he had to tell her the truth and then find, maim, and kill whoever told her about mating.

"I read about it in this watcher's journal. It talked about how this slayer killed this one vampire's mate and the other vampire just gave up and let the slayer kill him. It was really sad. But then it talked about this thing called claiming and it sounded like mating but like stronger. Are they the same thing?"

Spike's eyes widened. Now she knew about calming too? That was even stronger and more dangerous to humans then mating. In mating, vampires do not choose their mates. If they put a claim on each other, it leaves a sort of mark or brand on them and created more of a tighter link to each other. In a lot of cases, the vampires' bond is so strong they can communicate telepathically. But claiming is a brutal and animalistic ritual that involves consummating the claim and blood exchange. Hanna was NOT ready for that.

"Uh….well um…you see…"

Hanna gave him a hard look.

"Spike, is there something you know that you aren't telling me?"

Spike sighed. Here we go again.

"Yes. Yes love there is. But this time it will not only explain my feelings, but yours as well."

Hanna gave him a curious look. "What do you mean?"  
Spike scooted until he was leaning against the headboard and looked at Hanna waiting for her to come rest beside him. Hanna followed and snuggled into his side and looked up at him ready to listen.

"When two vampires mate it is very close to the term soul mate in your world. They fall in love and are together forever. Once a vampire mates, they mate for eternity and will never be with anyone else, ideally. When one mate dies, the other dies in a way too. Some have lost the will to feed, others go and off themselves and some simply wither away. Its hard to be far from a mate and the emotional bond between them is so strong they can feel what the other is feeling."

"So its way more intense then a soul mate then?"

"Yes."

"So…have you ever done it?"

Spike smiled at her. "Yes. Once."

Hanna looked down at her hands.

"Oh. What happened to her?"

"She is lying in bed with me."

Hanna snapped her head up and looked surprised at Spike.

"We mated? But we haven't…I mean we didn't…..how did you…huh?"

Spike chuckled.

"You don't need to actually mate to have a mate love. It just happens. Vampire don't pick their own mates. It only take a few minutes and they know they will be together forever."  
"So when you saw me, you knew I was your…mate? Is that why you saved me?"

"Well not exactly. Something inside me pulled me to save you, it wasn't until I met you again at the Bronze did I realize it was my instinct to protect my mate."

"I thought you said it only took minutes."

"Yes for vampires. No vampire has ever had a human as a mate, that I know of. Mating could be different for vampires and humans."

Hanna sat up fully and bit her lip in thought.

"So the reason why, sometimes I feel stuff I don't really know why and I know you're feeling it somehow or why it was so hard when you left was because you're my mate?"

Spike nodded.

"So you can never be with anyone else?"

"No. I will love you the rest of my life."

"Wow, that's a long time."

"Forever."

Hanna looked like she needed to ask another question and she was too scared to ask.

"What is it love?"

"Are….are my feelings real? Or are they because you picked me or mated me or whatever?"

Spike could feel the fear radiating off of her in waves. He wanted to reassure her, but he hadn't thought of that. He didn't know if it was real or not. He knew his feelings were real because he was a vampire and he didn't question it. All vampires knew that they would mate one day. It was just a fact. Just as he supposed all humans thought they would be married one day. But mating was different. It was strong. He needed to talk to someone who knew about this sort of thing. His options were the watcher or peaches….so he made a mental note to speak with Giles. He'll have to apologize for choking him and make nice nice. But for right now he chose the honest answer.

"I'm not sure love. Mating is something that is told to fledgling vampires and it is passed on through word of mouth. There are no books on it by vampires. Only by people observing them and there is no story that I have heard where a vampire and a human mate."

"Oh."

Spike heard a sniffle and saw that Hanna was crying.

"Love don't be so upset."

"But what if they aren't real? What if this isn't real?"

"Pet it is. I'm right here. I love you and you love me. You mean it when you say you love me right?"

Hanna nodded weakly.

"Alright then. Its real."

"Could you…claim me? That might…"

"No."

Hanna quickly moved her eyes to Spike's. "What do you mean no?"

"I mean no."

"But why? You don't want to claim me? What you don't want me or is it because I'm not immortal? Is it because I'm not Drusilla?"

She asked the last question quietly.

Spike froze. She knew about her as well? What book was she reading?

"How do you know about Drusilla?"

Hanna sniffled again and picked at her nails so she didn't have to look at him.

"I asked Dawn if you had loved someone before me. She told me about your crazy ex girlfriend who cheated on you with Angel. She sounds like a…a..whore to me." It was easy to tell that Hanna didn't swear, but Spike didn't notice any of that.

He clenched his jaw tight in anger.

"Watch your mouth Hanna. You don't know Dru and you are not strong enough to handle a claiming. Let's drop both subjects."

"Did you claim her, is that why?"

"Hanna. I will not tell you again. Do not talk about Dru."

"Why not? I had to explain my self about Luke."

"Drusilla wasn't just some passing fancy or some high school crush. She was my whole world for decades. She made me what I am today. I owe a great deal to her."

Hanna's bottom lip trembled and she looked away from him.

"If she was so great why didn't you mate with her?"

Spike looked at his hands and clenched his fists.

"She never loved me."

He forced himself to say it. He never said it out loud before and it was time he moved on and remembered what kind of woman Drusilla was and what kind of woman she was not.

"So you're only with me because this Drusilla didn't want you? Is that why you won't claim me?"

Hanna looked at him this time and Spike tried hard not to let the look of total hurt and devastation slid across his face. Spike restrained his anger and spoke in a quiet tone.

"You know nothing of vampires or vampire rituals. Don't think that because of your little lessons with the slayer and her sheep that it makes you an expert on _anything_ in my world. I think its time I left for the night."

Spike stood from the bed and gathered his leather duster. He walked to the window and turned to a stunned Hanna.

"I will be just next door if you need me."

He climbed out of the window and onto the roof. He turned back again and leaned in.

"And if I were you, I would think hard about what you're _actually_ ready for." With that he walked to the edge and jumped to the ground gracefully and made his way to the Summer's house hurt and barley containing his anger.

* * *

Spike rolled over in his cot and barley opened his eyes to slits. It was early morning, probably seven or eight. He had fallen asleep around three and was still tired, but his conversation with Hanna the night before was still so fresh in his mind. She had accused him of loving her only because Drusilla didn't want him. And that awoken memories inside him that he had long since kept buried. She made him sound pathetic, like he couldn't be alone. He didn't want his own fears and insecurities thrown in his face like a damn crucifix. She had hurt him and instead of yelling at her, saying the most hurtful thing he could think of, or pretending like nothing happened, he decided to leave. It was the only thing he could think of that would prevent him from saying anything he didn't mean.

Spike sighed and stood from his bed. He strode to his pile of clothes and put on a fresh black shirt. He didn't know what to do with himself. Dawn and Buffy were at school. Joyce was at work. Even Rupes was doing something now a days. Spike grabbed his cigarettes and headed up the stairs. He walked through the kitchen and noticed some stationary near the bread box. He picked it up and grabbed a pen from the jar and sat at the kitchen table.

_Dear Anita,_

_Sorry it has taken me so long to write. How's Phillippe? The kiddies? As you can imagine it was hard being here again. Hanna and I patched things up right quick though. But I feel as thought I'm messing things up again.. She asked about Dru and I last night. I couldn't talk about her Anita. How can I explain my relationship with Drusilla? I loved her for hundred years, but she is nothing but memories now that Hanna is in my life. I just don't know Anita. I miss you. You always knew what to say. I need your guidance. I don't know when I'll be back again, but we can talk more about that in the next letter._

_-Spike_

Spike laid down the letter gently and put his head in his hands. Why was he such an idiot? He loved Hanna, but he will never stop loving Drusilla. It was a different type of love he had now for Drusilla. More quiet and passive, more like a warm feeling you get when you think of a relative or a friend. She had taught him so much and he did owe his life to her. If it wasn't for her he never would have been as happy as he was or is and he never would have found the world in which he belonged. And most important he never would have found Hanna. But he couldn't help but think what would happen if she ever wanted him back. Would his love rekindle? Would his feelings for Hanna change at all? He just didn't know. But he needed to think about the present right now. Like what he was going to say to Hanna when he saw her tonight. Should he demand an apology? Should he apologize to her? Should he tell her about Dru? That would mean telling her about his past and he didn't discuss that with anyone. Dru even understood they didn't discuss those dark times before she found him in the street. The only person that continued to bring up his past was Angel and he only did that because Spike was a challenge to him and his clan. Spike sighed and laid his forehead against the cool counter top. Now he knew why he wasn't supposed to be human for very long. They were hard to figure out and their relationships with each other were messy and difficult. With vampires it was all about blood, sex and dominance. With humans it was almost like some secret code he needed to figure out, especially with human girls.

"Spike? What's wrong honey?"

Spike raised his head and saw Joyce come through the kitchen door.

"Joyce what are you doing home so soon. It's barley ten."

"Oh I only had to go in and sign for a shipment. I need to finish the cataloging here at home. So what's wrong?"

Spike slumped his shoulders. "Why are women so hard to understand?"

Joyce laughed. "Oh Spike, its not women, its people. People are hard to read sometimes. This wouldn't have anything to do with Hanna would it?"

"How did you know I was with…?"

"It doesn't take a genius to see that you two are in love. How you two act around each other. I made be older but I'm not blind."

Spike chuckled. "Well I'm older than you ten times over and I still don't understand humans. I didn't understand humans when I was one of them."

"Yes well monsters are just as complicated as humans honey."

Spike gave her a strange look. "What do you mean?"

Joyce put her hand on her hip. "Do you think Hanna is having an easy time understanding you? She has to try and figure out to live in a world of monsters and then deal with being eighteen and having a boyfriend who just happens to be one of those monsters."

Spike sighed again. "Yes but its hard to explain vampires to her. Like you remember Drusilla?"

"The crazy one that killed Kendra?"

"Uh..yeah that's the one. Well anyway, how do I explain that I love her but not like I love Hanna. I mean I loved Dru for a long time."

"Well maybe you shouldn't worry so much about explaining how you love Dru and explain to Hanna how you love her."

"But I've told her how I love her."

"Well she is insecure about it considering you went from loving a girl for a hundred years to loving her for a few weeks and then leaving and then coming back. You are not the only one that is scared sweetie."

Spike stood. "I'm not scared."

Joyce gave him a knowing smile. "Alright. If you say so. Who am I to question the thinkings of a vampire. I'm only a human."

She winked at him and then changed the subject.

"Alright well I'm going to go to my room and work. If you want to stamp and mail that letter of yours you can give it me and I can do it when I go out this afternoon."

Spike glanced at the letter. He had completely forgotten about it.

"Oh thank you Joyce that would great. I'll write the address down for you. You know you would really get a long well with Anita. You two are a lot alike. She's kind and gracious and knows how to listen. She also gives great advice. Like you."

Joyce smiled. "Coming from someone as observant as you, that means a lot."

Spike smiled back and watched as Joyce headed up the stairs. He glanced back at his letter and wrote the address on another piece of stationary. Not knowing what to do with himself, he went into the living room and turned on the television. He sat on the couch and this is where he remained until Dawn came bouncing through the front door.

"Hi Spike!"

"Hey little bit. How was school?"

"Oh you know…boring…schoolish. How was your day?"

"Oh you know…boring…dayish."

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Very funny."

Dawn turned to go into the kitchen but stopped and turned. "Oh yeah, Hanna is coming over so we can do homework. Is that ok?"

Spike shrugged. "I guess. Why you askin' me?"

"Hanna told me what she said last night."

Spike looked down at his hands and sighed. "Oh. Great."

Dawn patted his shoulder. "Don't worry, I'm sure she's sorry."

Spike looked at Dawn. "So you think she should apologize?"

"Well yeah. Drusilla was a psycho hoe bag, but she was your psycho hoebag."

"Nicely put." Spike remarked sarcastically.

"I thought so. Hanna should be here any minute. She'll probably wanna talk. When you guys are done making up send her to my room ok?"

Spike laughed. "Alright."

Dawn raced up the stairs and Spike heard her say a quick hello to Joyce before closing the door to her room. Spike looked back to the TV and waited for Hanna. He didn't have to wait long. There was a small knock and then Hanna opened the front door.

"Dawn? I'm here. Are you in the kitchen?"

Spike stood. "No she's in her room."

Hanna jumped a little. "Oh ok."

Hanna turned to go up the stairs, but Spike rushed to grab her hand.

"You and I need to talk first."

Hanna's shoulders sagged, but she nodded in agreement. Spike led her to the couch and they both sat down. Spike took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry I got angry love. I was just caught off guard by your questions about my past. I wasn't ready to answer them, but if you want to know anything then…"

"Spike wait. I'm the one that should be sorry. I shouldn't have pushed or gotten so jealous and I shouldn't have compared my one date, fake relationship with Luke to your real love for Drusilla. I shouldn't be so petty especially not with this big fight with the Initiative tomorrow. You need to be thinking about that and not about apologizing to me or making sure I'm ok. I'm sorry Spike. Forgive me?"

Spike smiled softly and ran his hand gently down her cheek.

"Of coarse love. Thank you. You truly are amazing."

Hanna blushed and shook her head.

"I'm only amazing because of you." If Spike had a heart it would be in a puddle on the floor. Hanna leaned forward and Spike followed. They shared a gentle kiss. When they pulled back Spike smiled.

"Alright now that we have that settled. Its homework time for you missy."

Hanna laughed. "Ok, Ok. I have a stupid history paper to do."

Spike perked up. "On what?"

Hanna sighed. "Formation of the United Kingdom."

"Hey I was around for that you know?"

"But that was…oh wait…right…I keep forgetting how old you are."

Spike chuckled. "Gee thanks love."

Hanna rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean."

Spike was still laughing as Hanna walked up the stairs to meet Dawn.

Just as Spike was about to go into the kitchen for some blood, the slayer and her scoobies walked in.

"Hi Spike." Willow greeted him.

"Hello Red."

"Are you ready to get some pay back tomorrow?"

"Yeah, but I'm mostly ready to get this damned chip out."

Willow gave him a confused look. "You're still getting it out?"

Spike tensed. Did the slayer change her mind behind his back? He clenched his teeth.

"Yes. Why?"

Willow shrugged. "Well I just thought that Hanna wouldn't want you to have it removed."

Tara gave her girlfriend an odd look. Spike caught it and it made him feel better. "Why wouldn't she Sweetie?" Tara asked.

"Well I mean it's the only thing that stops him…"

"Its not the only thing that stops me from killing Red." Spike rolled his eyes. "Has the watcher been brain washing you too?"

"Brain washing? What do you mean?"

"The watchers are told to teach their slayers that there is no black and white with demons. Especially vampires. We can't love without souls, we can't control our hunger, we are all evil, we all want to take over the world, we are disgusting creatures that live in the underbelly of the world. We rape, steal, torture all for fun. We have no remorse or conscience or regrets. I may be a damned monster but there is a lot more to me than that. I won't kill another human being because I choose not to. Juts like I have chosen over there years not to kill you."

"Well Spike I mean you couldn't…"

"Couldn't what? Poison you? Burn you? Shoot you? Do you think if I wanted to badly enough that I wouldn't have lived with the pain and just killed you? I am not a weak fledgling. I am sick and tired of you humans thinking you have everything figured out. You don't. I have seen many of you scurry and struggle and make the same bloody mistakes over and over in my life time. I am a vampire. I crave human blood. That doesn't mean I need it to survive. And I certainly don't need a reminder every five seconds about how much of a monster I am or how excluded I am from your pathetic little group of the living."

Spike didn't wait for a response. He walked past Red and Glinda and into the kitchen where he saw the slayer in stunned silence. He ignored her too and headed down into the basement where he laid heavily on his cot and closed his eyes. Willing his anger to go away. After a few minutes of peace and quiet, he heard the basement door open and he stayed still. Hopefully they would just leave.

"Spike?"

It was Hanna. He was really angry. He didn't want to say anything stupid. He just stayed where he was. Hanna came down the steps and walked over to the cot where she sat at his feet.

"I heard you fight with Willow. Don't worry, Tara is setting her straight right now."

Spike didn't move a muscle. He wasn't sure if he wanted to talk just yet. He didn't even really know what was bothering him so much. He hadn't intended to blow up at Willow. She didn't know what a touchy subject that was and to be honest neither did Spike. Hanna sat with Spike in silence, but sensing he wasn't going to talk she prepared to stand up. Spike chose this time to speak.

"Will you still trust me when the chip is out?"

Spike asked. He didn't sit up because he was scared to hear her answer.

"Of coarse. Why wouldn't I?"

"Why would you?"

"Because you told me you wouldn't hurt me or anyone else and I believe you."

"Some would call that naïve."

There was a long pause. Spike thought maybe she didn't hear him until she finally spoke quietly.

"Yeah, but others would call it faith."

Spike sat up when he heard that. How did this little girl get to be so wise?

He looked over at her.

"I know I'm a monster, but I…I don't know…there is something more you know?"

Hanna scooted closer to him.

"I know. I would hardly call you a monster Spike."

"Then you don't know enough about me and my past. I've killed for the pure enjoyment of killing. I chose to become a killer. I didn't have to, but I chose it."

Hanna shook her head.

"You are a predator Spike. Animals that hunt for their food are supposed to get a rush from killing, are supposed to feel excited and joy. Its so they can keep on killing and keep on surviving. Do you think a lion hates to attack a zebra? And as for choosing this life for your self, I don't know the story, but to me, if you wanted this then you must have had a reason for it. Your human life must have been difficult. And that's ok to want something better for yourself. Spike."

Spike just stared at Hanna in response. She was so understanding and open minded. And the worst or best part, Spike hadn't figured that out yet, was that she saw right through him. Right to his very soul…or where it would have been.

"If there was someone that existed back in my time like you…..then I wouldn't have had to make the choices I have. Being in the same world as you would have been enough."

Hanna intertwined her fingers into his and held his hand tightly. She laid her head gently on his shoulders and sighed contently.

"You know?"

She began quietly….

"If I was in your time, I think we would have found each other."

Spike kissed her hair sweetly. "I think so too love. I think so too."


	16. Chapter 16

_**Chapter 16: Taking the Initiative**_

Spike awoke to the sound of giggling. He slightly opened his eyes and saw Hanna's face leaning over him smiling.

"What're you doing?"

Hanna jumped and Spike gave a chuckle of his own. Spike opened his eyes completely and sat up. He rubbed his hair to try and tame it down and then his face.

"What were you doing that had you in your little girly fit?"

"You were talking in your sleep."

Spike eyes widened. "What was I saying?"

Hanna sat down on the bed. "You were saying no Hanna…she's mine…leave her alone…that kind of thing. So what were you dreaming about?"

Spike put his arm around her and pulled her close.

"I don't remember. I just remember being scared is all."

Hanna rested her head against him. "Well I'm here now its alright."

Spike did remember. He had dreamt that Drusilla had come back. She was furious at him for mating with a human. She tried to kill Hanna and that had fueled Spike to think horrible and deadly things about his sire. He was scared it would come true. What if Drusilla had a vision about Hanna? What is she attacked her when he wasn't there? He'd loose her. He couldn't bear the thought of anything happening to his sweet Hanna. Spike mentally shook the image away and let the dream slip from his mind as he held Hanna tightly against him. He would never let anything happen to her.

"So what are you doing here bright and early?"

Hanna sighed. "My parents are going to Sacramento and they asked Joyce to look out for me….and also, Buffy said I needed to be here with Dawn and Anya."

Spike could almost feel the emotions weighing down on her. The sad edge to her words made him feel sad too and he wanted to help any way he could.

"What's wrong baby?"

Hanna looked up at him. "Do you have to go tonight?"

Spike raised his hand to caress her cheek. "Yes love. We have already been over this. I need this chip out and I need to put that bloody Initiative in the past. I need this closer. And its one less thing I have to worry about it taking me away from you."

Hanna sniffled. "I guess so…just what if something…..happens to you? At least when you left I knew you were alive…or whatever…but this I mean what if…what if…"

Spike pulled her flush against him and squeezed her tightly. She softly cried on his shoulder and he rubbed her back and stroked her hair.

"Love listen to me, I am not about to let some nancy boy GI joes take me away from you. Alright?"

Hanna hugged him back as tightly as she could and Spike heard a muffled "ok".

"That's better. Now let's go see what the scoobies are up to shall we?"

Hanna wiped her eyes and nodded.

"You can make fun of the whelp…"

A smile broke from Hanna's lips and Spike knew she was feeling a little better from his words. He meant them too. He wouldn't let anyone stand in his way to get back to Hanna. Even if that meant killing every single human and demon in the entire vicinity. Spike grabbed Hanna's and they walked up the basement steps. Spike could smell pancakes, bacon, eggs, and toast as they made it into the kitchen. Joyce was at the stove and Dawn was at the toaster. Buffy not being allowed to touch anything resembling cook ware was handing out glasses of juice. Dawn saw Hanna and Spike first. She shot them a big smile before returning to buttering the toast.

"Good morning Hanna, Spike." Joyce chirped as they sat down at the kitchen island.

"Morning Joyce." Spike responded as he rubbed his hair and then scratched his stomach.

Hanna must have heard it grumbling for she leaned into him. "Hungry?"

Spike gave her a sheepish smile. "Starved."

Hanna smiled and kissed his cheek before she jumped up and went to the fridge. She pulled out a bag of blood and opened the cupboard that contained the cups. Hanna cut the bag open and poured the contents into the mug then popped it into the microwave. She programmed the numbers in and let it heat up the blood while she grabbed a glass of juice from Buffy who actually gave her a smile.

"A minute thirty seems to do the trick. That's how Angel likes it anyway." Buffy said.

"Oh, thank you." Hanna smiled back and looked a bit surprised. Spike was just as surprised but for a different reason. Hanna didn't look disgusted or sick over pouring blood into a cup and heating it. In fact she volunteered. He would never ask her something like that because she was human and still so new to the vampire side of him. But she surprised him every single time. She really didn't care what he was. He couldn't have been a Chaos demon and she would love him anyway. It warmed his dead heart that she would be so ready and willing to accept every aspect of his life and ways. It made his smile to know that she loved him as much as he loved her. When the microwave pinged Hanna opened it and picked up the mug she walked over to Spike and set it down in front of her. She sat down herself and Joyce put a huge plate of pancakes, bacon, scrambled eggs, and toast in front of her, giving her a sweet and knowing smile.

"Thanks Joyce."

"You're so welcome my dear."

Spike put his arm around Hanna and whispered.

"You didn't have to do that love."

Hanna gave him a smile back her eyes bright. "I know. But I knew you wouldn't drink blood in front of me cause you think it would be gross, but its not really. I don't mind."

Spike kissed her cheek softly and picked up the mug and drank the warm blood. It wasn't the same as human, but warm pigs blood is better than cold and this was better than any he had tasted because his girl had gotten it for him. He couldn't help but smile over it. It was such a domestic task to make him a meal yet it was so morbid and twisted. And she still didn't care. When Spike was done he looked over at Hanna attacking her breakfast. He loved that she had a healthy appetite. The only plate that was just as full as hers was Xander's. As she was crunching on some bacon Spike reached over and grabbed a pancake from her plate and shoved it in his mouth. Hanna stopped mid crunch and glared at him. Spike laughed despite his full mouth. "Hey mister this is food for living only." Spike swallowed and shrugged. "They smelled good."

"I thought could vampires only drink blood."

Spike shook his head. "Yes we need blood. But over the years I have acquired tastes for other foods."

"Oh…that's cool. So when we go to my parents for dinner tomorrow you'll be able to eat the food then?"

Spike heard choking in the background and he turned and saw both Xander and Angel choking on their meals. Xander wiped his mouth and looked wide eyed at Hanna.

"You're letting that thing in your house?! Around your parents?! Just after he gets his chip out?!"

Hanna rolled her eyes." My family wants to meet my boyfriend and its Spike so yes they invited him over."

"Do they even know him? I mean didn't they notice how pale he was? That he looks ten years older than you? That he didn't breath?"

"Nope. They just noticed how wonderfully charming and kind he was. And come to think of it what my parents notice in none of your business Xander."

Spike noticed that most of the women were on they're side. Tara smiling at Hanna. Willow rolling her eyes at Xander. Joyce giving Hanna a proud mother look. Dawn was glaring at Xander from her seat next to Joyce at the island. Spike was even surprised that Buffy herself was giving Hanna a little encouragement as she sat near Angel. Spike surmised that because they were on the same vampire train that Buffy felt a little more for Hanna. That made him happy that she was establishing herself in the group.

"Look Angel agrees right?"

Angel shook his head. "No I was just surprised that Spikey there was actually going. I mean he'll have to act normal. Like a human. I just find that amusing." Spike huffed. "I can act civilized Peaches. I'm not the one who spent the 80's digging through trash cans for rats."

Angel stopped smiling and glared. "Watch it."

"Guys, knock it off. We need to be together as group before the fight." Buffy said as peace keeper.

"Xander if Hanna's parents want to meet Spike then stay out of it."  
"But Buffy the chip…"

"I'm the one who decided to have it taken out. Are you questioning my judgment?"

Xander skulked. "No."

"And Angel don't fight with Spike. I need you guys to work as a team tonight."

"Alright Slayer."

"Ok Buffy. My little general."

Buffy blushed and smiled at Angel. Spike knew it would take some getting used to for all of them to see Buffy and Angel together. But it must be even harder for Buffy. She was so miserable with that tin soldier and she looked full of pain and heart ache every time Spike fought her and every time he saw her after the chip. He didn't care for the slayer or his sire, but he did relent that he didn't mind seeing them so happy. He guessed he didn't hold any grudges because anyone who could find love was lucking and didn't deserve any ill wills. He supposed Hanna helped him see that.

* * *

"Alright guys this is it. I need you all to be careful. Keep your eyes and ears open. Anything that you can't handle. You. Get. Yourselves. Out. Got it? Do not wait for Angel, Spike or I. Just go." They were all outside SunnyDale University. It was a chilly night and Spike took a deep breath to calm the adrenaline already starting to coarse through his veins.

"Does everyone know the plan?" the slayer at the front of the group of coarse barking orders and bringing the group together. Peaches stood next to her. Red, Glinda and the whelp standing in front of them and Spike of coarse in the back.

Xander raised his hand. Buffy looked to him, her annoyance clear.

She had already explained it twice. "What Xander?"

"Why are Willow and Tara dressed like hookers again?"

"Hey not hookers, sexy…sexy...but not in a it costs money way."

"No time for games Xander. You just need to focus on keeping up with Willow and Tara. OK?" Xander nodded his head looking chided.

"Ok Willow, Tara. We'll be right behind you."

The girls nodded and grabbed each other's hands. They turned towards the cement pathway leading to the dorms. They both took a deep breath and took off in a sprint. Wobbling on their heels they ran as fast they could. As their forms got smaller both girls let out a terrified scream. That was Angel's queue. He slid gracefully into game face and gave chase. Making sure to keep a little ways behind them. Growling ferociously and purposefully knocking over trash cans and making as much noise as he could. After Angel took off, it was Xander's turn. He picked up the duffel bag with all of their supplies for the spell and took off running just as Angel and the witches did. Now there was just Buffy and Spike. Waiting for Angel's signal that they reached the secret entrance. Buffy held her walkie talkie tightly. Squinting in the dark as if she could actually see Angel. Spike saw the look of worry and knew she was nervous about letting Angel go into the Initiative without knowing the horrors of what they could do first hand. Spike felt awkward seeing her so upset. She was trying to cover it up, but Spike knew her pretty well and he knew when she was trying to be strong. "Uh…it'll be ok Slayer. Peach….Angel's a strong fighter." Buffy looked over at him with surprise in her eyes. "Thanks..um..Spike. That's really nice of you." They gave each other awkward glances and then looked away again. Buffy was starting to act nicer around Spike. Hanna having a large part to do with it. But it still felt weird not to hate Buffy. He didn't want to be her best mate or anything, but there wasn't any pure hatred towards her anymore. It was nice in a weird way to know that he was starting to belong to their band of freaks.

"Look Spike, I just want you to know that….despite what I say or how I act…I know demons can love without a soul. Just give everyone else time to see it too."

Now it was Spike's turn to look surprised. He just nodded at her.

They both jumped when the walkie talki suddenly burst with noise.

"Buffy? Buffy? Look we're at the entrance. The dorm was empty, but I can hear movement and shouting behind a wall. It's inside Riley's dorm. Hurry up. I know they are gonna come through here any second to…"

Angel's voice was cut off by another loud shout.

"What the hell?? Who are you?"

Buffy took a large intake of breath.

"Oh crap."

Buffy quickly turned and started to run. Spike not even questioning ran after her knowing there must be trouble. They cut along the wet grass and made their way to the dorms towards the west side of campus. Spike keeping up perfectly with Buffy, he started to mentally prepare himself for battle. Going over techniques that would stun a human but not kill them. He didn't know very many, but he knew enough. They finally made it to the upstairs dorms and hear commotion in one of them. Buffy threw open the door to see three commandoes struggling to keep Angel contained. Willow, Tara and Xander flat on the floor another commando holding them at gun point. The door to the Initiative was standing wide open and Spike knew their plan of surprise had been ruined. Spike quickly made a plan change and grabbed Buffy's hand. She looked up at him as he put her hand around his wrist. He went into game face and started to struggle loudly for the guards hadn't really noticed them yet. Buffy must have understood for her grip on his wrist tightened and she dragged him to the other soldiers. "Hey morons." The commandos looked up and saw Buffy. They all broke out in questions at the same time.

"Ok boys one at time."

Buffy looked to one of them in particular. "Graham why don't you go first?"

The soldier stood straighter. "Is that Hostile 17?" Buffy tossed a careless glance at Spike.

"Yeah what of it? It's a present for Riley."

Graham gave her a suspicious look. "Riley said you were against us."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "I'm sure he did. I dumped him last night and told him he sucked at sex and he got his little panties in a bunch. Look I was out patrolling tonight and found these two lunk heads trying to feed on my friends. And now they are being held at gun point. Brilliant guys. Does the government pay you?"

"Watch it Summers I still don't believe you. Why do your friends have all this magic stuff?"

"Um I can answer you." Willow squeaked from the floor.

Two of the soldiers helped her up as well as Xander and Tara.

"We were going to our Wicca group and Xander wanted to come along. I told him he could. My girlfriend and I are members." The soldiers looked from Willow to Tara and how they were dressed. Spike could see from their faces that they wouldn't mind joining any group as long as hot lesbians were members.

"And then all of a sudden these two big scary guys chased us. They were so fast and scary looking. They still are. I thought we were going to die." Willow sniffled and Tara put her arms around Willow. Gently stroking her arms and neck. Giving her little reassuring kisses. "It's ok baby. I'll make you forget all about them when we get back to our dorm." All the men in the room couldn't tare their eyes away from the two attractive women. Spike was proud of Red and Glinda. For two shy girls they can sure command a room. He did have to admit he could see the appeal of magic with these two. "You must have been so scared." Graham said in a soft tone. Vulnerable, hot, lesbian girls in college. Spike smiled inwardly. You gotta love the predictability of human males. Willow and Tara nodded. They had them eating out of the palm of their hands. "Look I don't mean to interrupt the fantasy here people, but these two very strong vampires are not going to cage themselves."

The commandoes instantly looked at Spike and Angel still in game face and sprang into action. The struggled with Angel and put handcuffs around his hands. Angel growled in pain. Buffy struggled not to look as though she cared.

"Geez, what's so scary about hand cuffs?"

"Oh we dip them in a sort of gel made from holy water that sticks to the metal. It keeps the vampire under control."

"Oh cool. I should definitely look into those." Buffy replied as she shot Angel an apologetic look.

"You need help with him Summers?"

"Naw he's already neutered. Like I said just a little treat for my ex honey." Spike gave her a dark look.

"Ok follow us."

"Excuse me?"

Graham turned to Willow and Tara. "Yes ladies?"

'Well we really don't want to go back outside alone in the dark. Can we come with you please? And maybe after you're done you could walk us back to our room?" Graham heard the words "back to our room" and Spike thought for sure he saw the desire playing out in that boy's mind. Man, girls can be so evil sometimes.

"Of coarse. Guys you got the hostile right?"

The boys nodded reluctantly. And Graham walked with Tara, Willow and Xander. Angel and his guards in the lead. Graham, the girls, and Xander in the middle, and then Buffy and Spike bringing in the rear. The door shut behind them. Buffy gave Spike a knowing smile. Spike had a difficult time keeping his devilish smile fro his face.

They're in.


	17. Chapter 17

_**Chapter 17: Trapped**_

The gang of soldiers, witches, vampires and one slayer made their way through a maze of white corridors. Spike kept a firm eye on the back of the soldier's head not wanting to look any where around him, not wanting to remember being caged and experimented on. He doesn't remember hardly anything from when they put the chip in. He was unconscious for most of it. But what he does remember…the pain…the bright white light…the humans standing over him….he couldn't smell their fear…sweat…nothing all he could smell was chemicals, and latex. It was as if these doctors, these experimenters, weren't even human, weren't even real. Like something from a nightmare. Spike was shaken from his almost dream like state when Buffy nudged him and he turned to his left. There was a small square window in which Spike could see a large computer screen and a team of egg head type doctors. He turned to Buffy who mouthed "control room?" Spike gave a quick nod. That's all he could think it was.

Willow must have read Buffy's mind for she turned to Graham and asked sweetly, "Was that the control room?"

Graham puffed his chest out in pride. "Yup that's the whole enchilada. That computer controls the entire underground…."

"Shut up!" One soldier yelled.

"You want to show them all the classified areas too?"

Graham looked sheepish for a second and then looked straight ahead ignoring Willow. With the knowledge of where the control room is Buffy let go of Spike.

He knew that meant there was about to be a fight.

"Ok well thanks for the tour." Buffy began.

Everyone turned and saw she had let go of Spike.

"Summers I know you aren't afraid of Hostile 17, but shouldn't we at least restrain him?"

Buffy smiled coyly. "Well no Graham. If I restrain him then he can't help me kill all of you."

Before Graham and the other soldiers realized what Buffy said, she punched Graham so hard in the stomach that he lifted off the ground and landed heavily on his back. The others charged at her and Angel jumped and kicked two of them in the chest sending them flying. Spike rushed in and broke Angel's handcuffs. "Thanks"

"Don't mention it….Ever."

Buffy gave chase to the last solider conscious and tackled him to the ground. She slammed his head into the linoleum to make sure he didn't wake up anytime soon. Willow, Tara and Xander all took a soldier and took their radios, handcuffs, key cards, and guns. Ensuring if they did catch up they had no means to hurt them. That is until they run and tell the other soldiers.

"Alright, Xander, Willow, and Tara, I'll get you into the control room and then I will shut the door behind me. You will not leave until you are sure the coast is clear. I will give you a radio and on my signal you perform the protection spell and then open all the cages. Got it?"

They all nodded.

"Angel, Spike? You go and find where the hostages are being kept. Find the human captives _first_. Do you understand?"

Angel and Spike nodded.

"And do not kill anyone unless there is no other option. Angel, contact me when you find them. I'll come and back you up."

Angel and Spike turned to leave.

"Oh and Spike?"

"Yeah Slayer?"

"If you see Riley?"

Spike stiffened. "Yeah?"

"Just please don't kill him ok?"

Spike nodded. Not killing he could handle. Besides killing was too merciful in Spike's book.

The two parties split up, Spike didn't like the idea of being stuck with Angel as back up, but he was the only one as strong as himself that could take out soldiers if he couldn't do it. If the pain from the chip became too strong. Angel and Spike sprinted down the long corridor, stopping as they reached the edge. Angel peeked his head out from around the corner.

"Clear."

They continued their run. They passed through countless rooms and tried to look inside each one without being detected. Angel would block each security camera while Spike went and checked each window trying to find the one place where he never wanted to see again. Finally, after they searched over fifty rooms they came across a huge metal door with a small computer screen built in. The door said _HOSTILES_ in big bold lettering. Spike dug the key card Buffy had passed to him out of his pocket and slid it through the machine. The red letters that said Security code transformed into bright green lettering that said ACCEPTED. The doors slowly slid open and Spike looked to Angel who seemed just as on edge as he was. When the doors finally opened both Spike and Angel audibly cursed when they saw two dozen soldiers, a small blonde woman, and ….Riley. Spike growled and Angel, taking the signal, growled threatening as well. Riley smirked.

"Well well…this isn't what I was expecting."

"How did you know we were coming?" Angel asked already taking a fighting stance.

"Buffy breaking up with me. I knew she wouldn't have unless there was something other wordly going on."

Spike scoffed.

"You got something to say Hostile 17."

Spike squared his soldiers and tucked his thumb into his belt buckle to show them dominance through masculinity .

"You're more delusional then I thought if you think the slayer cuttin' you loose was some freak of nature. You're a moronic tin soldier with a God complex, and from what I hear, lousy in the sack."

Spike could see the fiery anger building behind Riley's eyes. Spike perfected this tactic. All he needed was for Riley to get angry and slip up and then Spike and Angel could take them.

"Watch your mouth vampire." Riley said through clenched teeth.

"Oh I'm sorry did I offend you? The way I heard it the slayer ran off with her ex-vampire sweetie who by the way cant have sex, so not only are you lousy, you're so weak that she rather never have it again then be with you. Wow says a lot about a guy doesn't it?"

Spike turned to Angel who only gave a small smirk in response. Riley clenched his hands into fists and began to shake.

"What's wrong Farm boy?"

"I'm going to kill you like I should have done a long time ago." Riley went to charge him and Spike knew he had him until…

"Riley stop!"

Riley instantly froze and stepped back to where he was. The blonde woman standing behind the soldiers stepped forward. Spike cocked his head to one side. He didn't know who this woman was but she oozed a lot of power for a human and she seemed so familiar to him. The woman put her hand on Riley's arm. "There is no need for violence." She stepped right up to Spike and Angel.

"Please let me introduce myself. I'm Dr. Walsh. I run this facility."

Spike clenched his jaw. Her scent was causing him to be on edge. He didn't know where he had smelled that before. It filled him with fear though and he didn't like that one bit.

"Listen doc, we're not leavin' here with out the humans so step aside before someone gets hurt."

Spike stood straight and braved staring at her right in the eyes. She seemed to cold and calculated.

"Now you vampires will cooperate or I'll have to find ways in making you do so." Angel gave Spike a look. It's like Spike hadn't even spoken at all.

"What ways would you find that could possibly hurt me?" Angel sneered back in reply.

Walsh gave him a small smile and raised her hand to someone behind her. The soldier went and opened the door that Spike and Angel had just come through. Spike could hear yelling and struggling. He closed his eyes. Please don't let it be…

"Get your hands off me you morons." Buffy shouted.

Spike turned and saw Buffy, Willow, Tara, and Xander being dragged by a dozen or so soldiers. Spike sagged his shoulders. They were his only way out. Now him and Angel and the rest were stuck in here.

Angel smirked. "What makes you think I give two cents about them?"

The soldier took out his taser-gun and turned it up almost all the way and stuck it into Buffy's side. She struggled and whimpered. Angel growled loudly and moved to help Buffy by instinct. Spike sighed …that was a bad move.

Walsh laughed lightly. "Well I know now don't I?"

Angel glared daggers at the doctor and moved to his original position beside Spike.

"Now let me have a look at the little spies." Walsh walked slowly over to Buffy and the rest of the scoobies. She stopped suddenly.

"Miss Summers? Miss Rosenburg?"

Buffy and Willow replied in unison. "Professor Walsh?"

Walsh raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Well I knew there was something strange about you but not this strange. Riley, did you know about this?"

Riley nodded.

"Yeah, I was the one he was dating. I can't believe you kept this from me Riley." Riley looked over at Buffy with anger.

"Oh like it really matters now? Huh? You got what you wanted. You got your monster. You disgust me."

Buffy narrowed her eyes to dangerous slits. "As far as I'm concerned the only monsters here are the ones in uniform. You're the ones experimenting, trying to create something that isn't supposed to be. You're the disgusting monsters, the freaks."

"I'm going to enjoy torturing your little vampire." Was Riley's only reply.

Buffy struggled even more against the soldiers holding her. Spike was fairly silent. He was thinking hard. They needed a plan fast. He didn't know if they could take all of these soldiers, make it back to the control room, and set all the creatures free. Willow, Tara and Xander needed protecting so that leaves Buffy, Angel and himself to carry their weight to. Unless…Spike concentrated hard on Willow. Filling all the corners of his mind with her, so he didn't have to look at her and give it away.

"_Red?..._"

He waited hoping this would work.

"_Yeah Spike?_"

Spike inwardly cheered. It worked!

"_Got any mojo that will help us get out of here?"_

…

Spike waited in anticipation.

"_Spike, I just asked Tara and we may have a plan. Can you see in the dark?"_

"_Yeah, all vampires can."_

"_Good, I'll let Angel and Buffy know. There is a spell that Tara knows that can suck all the light out of one area, if we both use our magic we can darken this entire room."_

"_Got it. Good job Red. Alright remember to stay together and try and follow Peaches or I"._

"_Ok. Here goes nothing."_

Spike glanced at the corner of his eye and watched a small flicker of understanding pass over Angel's face. As soon as this dark spell thing went down they would both need to get into game face and get everyone out and back to the control room. Hopefully the slayer was able to empty it before she was caught. Suddenly Spike could feel his skin prickling, like there was static in the air. He turned and saw Willow and Tara mumbling under their breath and holding hands. Before the soldiers realized what they were doing…the lights went out. Spike quickly changed and adjusted his eyes to the dark. There was a lot of movement. Soldiers were trying to get a hold of the scoobies and Angel quickly punched the soldier holding Buffy and grabbed her hand. Spike grabbed hold of Tara who held on to Willow, who snatched Xander's hand. The group ran for the door and Spike turned and shut it behind him. The sudden bright light surprised him for a second, but he adjusted quickly again. They were all running. An alarm sounded and Spike could hear quick footsteps which meant they didn't have much time to escape. Unfortunately the prisoners would have to wait. As if Buffy read his thoughts as they ran passed a directional sign for the control room Buffy shouted behind her.

"Forget it guys, we'll come back. Just hurry back to the dorm."

Everyone started to run faster.

All of a sudden Spike felt a sharp tug at the back of the line.

Willow screamed "Xander!"

Spike turned and saw Xander sprawled out on the floor. The bag of magic supplies spilled everywhere. He must have tripped over the strap. Spike growled in annoyance.

He pushed Willow and Tara ahead. "Go I'll get him."

Willow hesitated so Tara grabbed her hand and raced to catch up with Buffy and Angel. Xander quickly tried to get up, but when he put weight on his ankle he lost his balance.

Spike rolled his eyes. Of coarse he has weak ankles.

Spike rushed over and grabbed Xander by the arm.

"Come on whelp, get up."

Xander glared. "I bet you're loving this aren't you dead boy?"

Spike chose to ignore him. He started to run and he was practically dragging Xander behind him. He turned the corner and he could see the exit at the end of a long corridor. Angel was just turning around to help when Spike heard something whizzing through the air and then Xander screamed. Spike could smell blood and metal and gun powder and knew that they had shot the whelp. He looked down and saw Xander limping, blood pouring from the wound on his leg. Spike growled again. They were almost there, Angel had almost reached them. The soldiers were right at their heels. Angel reached out and took Xander's arm, practically carrying him to the exit with the others. Spike sighed with relief. They were all safe, they would make it. Then the alarm got louder and the door at the dorm started to close, flashing red lights were going off at the exit and Spike pushed himself harder. He needed to get out. He needed to get out. He repeated that to himself over and over. He was almost there. He could see the slayer and Angel trying to keep the door open then Buffy pointed behind her. "Spike look out!" Spike turned just in time to see three soldiers aim and shoot their guns. Three clear shots rang out and Spike tumbled to the ground. He struggled against the pain and opened his eyes. The door was almost shut and the scoobies were shouting his name. He knew it was too late. He fell limply back to the ground and soldiers surrounded him. The last thing he saw was Riley standing over him. Grinning.


	18. Chapter 18

_Hey guys, M.w.M here, I know this entire story has been done in Spike's POV, but for the sake of the story and for dramatic effect, I'm going to do these next few chapters partly in Hanna's POV. Just wanted to give a heads up so you aren't confused and so you don't bite my head off in reviews, haha. Alright, on with the show!_

_**Chapter 18: His Worth**_

Spike groaned. He felt like he had been run over by a semi, then pushed off the side of a cliff, then burned…remembering the look in Riley's eyes…he probably was. Spike peeked one eye open and quickly shut it again, the bright white light was too painful for his sensitive eyes or splintering head ache. He squeezed his eyes tightly and took a deep breath. He had to see where he was and what damage was done to him. He slowly opened his eyes against the light and looked around him. He was in one of those white cells again. He was lying on the floor and there was blood…everywhere. He looked at his hands, they too were covered in blood. He looked astounded at them. What had happened? He couldn't remember anything. All he could remember was Riley standing over him after the whelp was shot. How much time had past? An hour? A day? A week? He couldn't tell. He felt disoriented and weak. He stood slowly and made his way to the glass wall. This floor didn't seem as full as the floor he was on the first time. He happened to glance down and saw that his clothes were ripped to shreds. His pants torn, his shirt was hanging off in rags over his arms and his jacket was laying, discarded on the ground in the corner. Now he really wanted to know what happened. The sound of footsteps pulled his thoughts away from his discarded clothes. He looked and saw Riley and Walsh come walking towards his cell. Riley carrying a large gun looking weapon. Spike swallowed hard. Were they going to kill him? He did not want to seem scared, but he was. He was terrified…these people…these doctors could torture him in ways he could never imagine. They could mess more with his head, his body, his senses, erase his memory or something, turn him into a vegetable. Walsh stepped up to the door and slid her key card through the slot. The door slowly slid open and Spike just stood there, not sure of what he was supposed to do.

"If you try anything Riley will restrain you and this will be more painful then it needs to be. So you will follow me quietly and quickly. Do you understand Hostile 17?"

Spike didn't look at Walsh and nodded once. But then he quickly raised his chin high and said in a clear tone.

"Yes I understand"

He needed some dignity left. Walsh smiled with pity. Spike wanted to rip that smile from her lips. Walsh then turned on her heel and started to walk down the long white corridor. Riley nudged Spike with his gun and Spike glared at him but followed silently and Riley brought up the rear. As they walked Spike tried hard to stay alert and stay calm, he needed to devise a plan of escape and then find a way to destroy this place forever. Once he ran this time, he was sure they would hunt him. They would always be chasing him and if he couldn't stop them or fight them he would run. His pride would be screaming at him to stop and fight…to kill, but if that didn't work then he would go. They crippled him with forces that were new to him….the sciences. He had no idea how those things worked. He came from a time where penicillin was still all the rage. He new how to fight people, demons, things he could see, hit, kill. He had no idea how to attack a machine, a chip in his head. Spike knew they were capable of much worse. So if he had to he would run, and he would take Hanna with him. Only if she wanted to go of course. And unless it was too dangerous. The party stopped at a door that looked thick, metal. Something he probably needed a lot of energy to break. Walsh punched the code into the number pad and waited for the door to open. Walsh stepped inside finally and Spike followed her. It was pitch black and there was a scent in the air, it was so familiar and so potent. He was even more on edge. They had taken someone he knew. It wasn't human, and he knew damn well it wasn't Angel, or Hanna. But who then? Walsh flipped on the light and Spike gasped. He was unable to form any sort of word or syllable he just stood there in silence and shock. He couldn't believe. How did they? Why did they? When did they? Spike took a deep breath and could only utter one word.

"Drusilla?"

Drusilla smiled dreamily. "Hello my dark prince. You've been a naughty boy."

*******Summers' Home***************************************

Hanna was pacing in the kitchen wringing her hands then checking the clock. "You know Hanna if you keep doing that you'll end up in China."

Joyce called from the stove checking on her pot of hot chocolate. Hanna stopped and sighed. She ran a hand through her hair and checked the clock. It was now past midnight. Buffy said she would make contact about ten. A lot of things could have happened to prevent her from doing such thing.

"But they should have called or been here by now Joyce. I'm worried."

Joyce turned to her and gave her a reassuring smile.

"I am too dear. But I know my daughter and she will make it through this. She always does."

Hanna nodded. She knew Joyce was right. Dawn had told her all the stories of Buffy's many triumphs and thwarted apocalypses. But she couldn't stop the nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach telling her that something was wrong. Something had happened. Just then Dawn came in followed by Anya and Giles. "Any word yet?"

As if it suddenly made noise everyone turned and looked at the walkie talkie sitting on the kitchen island.

"No not yet." Joyce said with a calm tone.

Dawn came over and stood by Hanna putting her arm around her.

"It'll be ok. Spike's smart and strong and he hates that place, I'm sure he's kicking butt right as we speak."

Hanna looked over at Dawn worry clear in her blue eyes.

"I really hope so. I have a bad felling Dawn. That something terrible has happened."

Hanna didn't want to worry everyone, but she knew what she felt and she remembered Spike telling her about the mating thing and that she could feel what he was feeling and vice versa. If she felt uneasy she could only hope that it was her and not what Spike was feeling. Dawn squeezed her shoulder.

"I'm sure nothing bad could happen. Besides, they have two vampires, a slayer, two powerful witches and….someone to help carry stuff. They're all set."

She gave Hanna a goofy smile and Hanna gave one weakly back. Maybe Dawn was right. Maybe she was just being too sensitive and should not worry too much. If Spike can feel what she's feeling then she should be positive, so he can try to be as well.

"You know, you're right Dawn, lets try and be positive. I'm sure they are gonna walk through that door any minute."

Suddenly the kitchen door bursts open and in come Willow and Tara. Everyone stood to greet them with smiles on their faces until Angel and Buffy came in beside them carrying Xander. The sight of his bloodied leg made everyone's smile disappear.

"What happened?"

Giles asked as he rushed to help Xander sit in one of the kitchen chairs.

"They knew we were coming, had an ambush waiting. While we were running for the exit someone let out a few shots and one of them got Xander."

Buffy replied as she stood back up from helping Xander.

"Oh my gosh. Xander honey are you alright?"

Joyce asked as she came around to face him. Xander tried to smile weakly, in spite of the fact that he was getting fairly pale.

"Been better."

"Xander? Is that you? What's wrong with your leg? What have they done to you?" Anya cried as she came out from behind everyone. Anya grabbed Xander's hand and held it tightly and started to give him little kisses all over his face.

"I was so worried. I knew something like this would happen."

"It's alright An. I'll be ok."

As Hanna looked at the couple she realized that there was something very very wrong with this picture. Hanna suddenly turned on Buffy.

"Buffy? Where is Spike?"

At the sound of his name all the scoobies that came in suddenly lowered their eyes and averted Hanna's gaze.

"Where is he?"

Angel sighed and stepped forward. "We lost him. He's back in the Initiative. We couldn't get to him in time."

Hanna's look turned from worry to horror. She started panic.

"What do you mean lost him? What happened?"

Buffy answered this time.

"Spike was running with us and Xander was shot, Spike stopped to get him and he was caught."

Hanna couldn't believe it. Her worst nightmare had come true. She knew something terrible would happen, she just knew it. She wanted to beg Spike, to hold onto his leg like a child, but she let him go, and now he was possibly gone forever. But she couldn't think like that. If Spike was gone she would be affected too. Spike told her that when a mate dies, the other feels the loss as if they were dying as well. So he must be still living or what ever he was.

"Well let's go back and get him." Hanna said frantically.

Buffy sighed. "We need to get Xander to the hospital."

Joyce spoke up. "Dawn, Anya and I can do that."

Buffy looked at her mother and shook her head. "Even with that the commandos will be expecting that. It's a trap."

Hanna clenched her fists in anger. "I don't give a damn what they expect, that's my boyfriend in there and he may not have time for you to sit around and think of things they wont expect."

"Hanna that isn't fair. We were just in there. Who knows what could happen. If we all get caught then what happens?" Willow said with sympathy.

Hanna shook with anger. How dare they, all of them. Standing there not giving two cents about Spike as he could be in pain right as they speak. She was disgusted and angered.

"So you're just not going to go after him because you have the chance of getting caught yourself? That's real nice Willow. That's just freakin' great."

"Hey, don't blame her. Look we have all been through hell tonight, and Xander was shot. We need rest and Xander needs a doctor."

"I can't believe you all. I don't care if you need rest. You've been through hell huh? If that was hell they what is Spike going through right now? He could be tortured and experimented on more and worse and that is just fine with every one cause you need to take a little nap?"

"We tried. We did everything we could. Spike is strong. He'll survive. We will go back for him when we have a plan that will ensure all of our safety."

Hanna was more angry then she had ever been in her life. Here are these protectors of the good, these friends and one of their own gets captured and they don't seem to be worried or even affected by it. How could they be so cold? Spike has saved all of them at one time or another. He even risked himself to save Xander who was nothing but cruel to him. He was a good man Has proven countless times that he deserves notice and yet these so called friends walk all over him and take him for granted. Well not any more. Hanna will get a plan together and she will get him back.

"You guys really don't care do you?" Hanna had been quite for awhile watching as Giles and Angel helped Xander walk to the front door.

Buffy sighed. "Hanna it isn't that we don't care its just that…"

"They are more important things then someone on your side being in trouble?"

"Spike is not on our side Hanna." Xander said.

"Don't you dare Xander. Not right now. Spike is in that hell hole because of you."

"Woah Hanna. He is there because of the commandos."

"Oh really? Did the commandos bribe Spike to come here? Did the commandos want him to get captured as their original plan?"

"Hanna…" Buffy started.

But Hanna was too angry to stop now. She needed these people to know exactly what their actions look like and seem like…foul play.

"No Buffy. You all treat Spike like he's dispensable, like he's nothing but a fill in when you need muscle. You think that just because he doesn't have a soul he is incapable of doing anything good on his own. What possible benefit could he have received for saving Xander? Huh? He hates Xander. And now because he did something good, he's being punished? He saved your best friend and he isn't worth saving?"

"Hanna think about this logically, we needed to get Xander out of there. He was injured. We tried to go back for Spike, but the doors shut on us and we couldn't reach him, and now we don't know if he is….well what they are doing. Buffy and Angel need to rest. Tara and I need to come up with a stronger spell. We need some time." Willow gave her a smile.

Hanna replied by glaring, tears of anger stinging her eyes. "What if it had been Angel? Would this even be a discussion?"

"Hanna come on…"  
"NO! What if it had been Angel Buffy? Would you be this calm, this flippant? Would you need to rest? Of coarse not! You would be out there prying that door down and killing anyone that steps in your path, just the same Willow, what if they had taken Tara? What if they had Dawn? Anya? Giles? Everyone you love you would die to save, but Spike means nothing to all of you. You're supposed to be the good guys. Someone's in trouble and you can't be selective about who or what the victims are. That isn't fair. And if you guys won't help me then I'll find him myself."

"Hanna do be rational. We will find him." Giles said quickly.

"Yeah Hanna you won't last five minutes with those guys." Buffy said.

Hanna shook her head and sighed. "You're right. I won't. I'll get hurt, or worse, but then again I never claimed to be a hero did I? I never claimed to be a savior to all those who needed saving. The only thing I am is a girlfriend going out to find her boyfriend. I am someone in love willing to die for it. And if neither of us makes it then at least Spike will see me trying my hardest to save him."

Hanna turned on her heel and strode to the front door. She opened it wide and slammed it as hard as she could. As she was making her way back to her house, her anger and passion started to dwindle and panic set in. She can't do this. She has never saved anyone in her life. She doesn't even know where to start. She knows this underground thing is at the UCS campus, but she was sure that it wouldn't be on any of the school maps and she could never ask anyone. She didn't know how to plan, strategize, she didn't even know how to fight or yield a weapon. She wasn't brave like Spike, or quick or resourceful. Hanna sat on her front steps and started to cry. She can't do this. Spike is going to die because of her. He needed her for once and she can't do anything but sit her and cry. She hated herself in that moment, feeling so helpless and weak. She felt strong when Spike was at her side, but he was gone and he needed someone to be strong for him now. With that thought, Hanna took a deep breath to calm down. Spike didn't need her to be blubbering like an idiot on her porch. He needed a hero. And Hanna would try her best to be that for Spike. She'll get Dawn to help her, she knew more about this stuff then Hanna did. Hanna stood and squared her shoulders. She would find Spike and get him out of that hellish place. Or she will die trying.


	19. Chapter 19

_**Chapter 19: New Villains and Heroes **_

"Dru…I don't understand, what are you doing here? Have they captured you? Hurt you?"

Spike was worried about her, she didn't need anymore torture from humans. The cruel mob in Prague almost did her in and she was crazy and unstable enough as it is. She didn't need government help for that. Drusilla smiled at him and shook her head. Her black curls falling around her face.

"No sweet Spike. They called me here for that naughty slayer and….for you."

Now Spike was even more confused. What he have to do with the slayer and why in the hell did they need Drusilla? He gave her a confused look and as if on queue Walsh walked to the front of the table and started to explain.

"I have requested this vampire's presence because she is the only vampire that still exists that has killed a slayer, that isn't…..domesticated."

Spike almost growled at the way she said that, as if he was crippled and unable to fend for himself.

"But why do you need the slayer gone? Doesn't she help do your job?" Spike asked.

He didn't like what this woman was getting at. Walsh sighed.

"She would have been helpful if she understood our vision, but she sadly does not. She is just getting in the way and she needs to be handled. I don't want her dead…yet…but I want her captured. And Drusilla, is it? She knows how to do it." Drusilla smiled.

"Hear that love? I finally get to blot out the sunshine."

She clapped happily and Spike saw Walsh and Riley exchange worried glances. Spike knew that a dangerous vampire was scary enough but an insane one was sure to cause a little unease.

"Ok, so capture the slayer. But what am I here for?"

"Well that was the part we were confused about until Drusilla explained it to us. And I think it is a bit strange but whatever provokes her to get the job done." Walsh said.

Spike looked to Drusilla for an answer. Did she need his help?

"What do you need me for pet?"

Drusilla leaned close to Spike and put her hand on his and upturned his palm. She traced a long line in his hand and whispered.

"I saw your little flower…" Spike tensed.

She could only be speaking about Hanna.

"She has disguised herself as a pretty little flower, but really she is a nasty weed. Poisoning our garden Spike. I should need to rip her out by her roots."

Spike recoiled his hand as if she had burned him. Rip her out? What the hell is she talking about? Was she going to try and kill her? Was she is danger now? Spike started to panic; he should have sensed fear within Hanna. He had felt anger a little while ago, but that could have been upon finding out about his capture. He needed answers. So he restrained his anger and gave Drusilla back his hand, who was now whimpering.

"My Spike doesn't love me anymore. He has been poisoned by the pretty poppy."

"Shh...love no. Spike still loves you. Now what do you mean you'll rip out this flower? What flower Dru?"

Drusilla gazed at him with large chocolate brown eyes that seemed to cut right through his charade.

"The one whose heart beats for you, the one who wants to bring you into the sunshine. Oh don't you see Spike? She wants to burn you! She blinds you with her sweet words that drip from her candied lips. Come back to the dark Spike. Come back to me."

Drusilla leaned forward and stared at Spike with pleading eyes. A few years ago, hell maybe even a few months ago, Spike would have fallen for that look of utter helplessness yet full understanding, but now that Hanna has moved into every space of his thoughts the only set of eyes that could tame him were hers. He placed his hand on Drusilla's cold cheek.

"Love…please."

Drusilla thrust her self away from his touch.

"Argh! Evil little weed, she has poisoned my Spike. Well…that won't be for long. I shall help you doctor. As long as my wishes are carried out."

Walsh sighed. "Very well. You drive hard bargain vampire, but I need Buffy out of the way. Riley? Escort Spike back to his cell while I prepare for the next step."

"Now wait a damn minute. What is happening here? Drusilla what are you saying? Why won't this weed hurt me anymore?"

Spike was frantic to know if Hanna was in danger or not. What deal did Walsh make with Dru? What did Dru want in return for capturing the slayer? Drusilla just smiled and shook her head.

"It's a secret dear boy. You will know soon enough."

Riley grabbed Spike's arm. "Come on 17 back to your cage."

"No wait Drusilla please tell me."

Spike fought with Riley, but without being able to fight back Spike wasn't getting very far.

"Come on Spikey. Don't struggle or I'll hurt you." Riley's grip on his arm tightened, and Spike knew he was in dangerous waters.

He already woke up covered in blood.

"Wait."

Drusilla called and Riley looked to Walsh who nodded. Riley paused and let Spike go. Drusilla stood and glided over to Spike. She put her hand on his cheek and slid down to where his scar was from her bite mark. She leaned in and pressed her cheek against his.

"Thank you for the dance earlier my love. We will dance again soon."

She whispered into the shell of his ear then bit him lightly over the scar. Spike's eyes grew wide with realization. And as Drusilla pulled back, her dress confirmed it. The blood was hers and his. She had scratches along her arms and bite marks from blunt teeth littered her throat and her crimson dress was ripped in some places and he could see patches of pale bare skin. They must drugged him and allowed Dru in the cell with him. She took advantage of him! She practically raped him! He felt disgusted and dirty. He wanted to scrub her scent and blood off of his skin, even if it meant rubbing his skin completely off. To know that she had touched him intimately made him physically ill. He never wanted to be touched by any women besides his sweet Hanna and Drusilla had tainted that. He hadn't slept with anyone since meeting Hanna and Drusilla had made him unfaithful to her. And Spike knew that Drusilla did that to him on purpose. Made him feel like he betrayed Hanna's trust and at the same time Drusilla was able to place her mark on him. But the one thing that Dru could never touch was his love for Hanna. Hanna was his true mate and no amount of sexual dominance was going to change that. He loved Hanna for her purity and sweetness, and Dru would not take that away from her. Spike thought of only Hanna as he walked back to his cell. Her sweet face, beautiful innocent eyes filled with happiness and love. Her soft warm body, and her little arms wrapped tightly around him making him feel at home and safe. Her rose petal lips that he loved tasting, her witty yet silly sense of humor. Her natural curiosity and open-mindedness of his world. Her resourcefulness and her intelligence. Her acceptance of him and her burning love that filled him with such pride he could barley contain his smile despite the dangerous future that will most certainly unfold within a few hours. The glass door shutting on Spike snapped him out of his dream and he watched as Riley sneered at him through the glass. Spike rolled his eyes.

"Look at the big brave soldier. Provoking the bear behind the safety of its cage. You scared of me Iowa?"

Riley pointed his gun at Spike and smiled cruelly. Spike turned into game face and slammed his fists into the glass and took satisfaction in Riley's fear as he jumped and took a few steps back. Riley grew angry and skulked back out of the room. Spike chuckled to himself. Upon thinking of Hanna Spike was filled with a new sense of calm and confidence. Whatever Dru was planning he would beat her and he would escape. He would protect his mate and then he would hold her in his arms and never let her go. Despite having seen his sire who not so many months ago broke his heart and sent him back to SunnyDale now ignited nothing but anger and impatience. He marveled at that. She was his entire world for so long he knew nothing else. But now that Hanna had blessed his life with so many happy memories, he couldn't think of any other filing that space. In fact he couldn't remember if he was ever this happy or this in love in his entire existence. He thought he had been happy with Drusilla, but nothing compared to the innocent yet passionate love he shared with his Hanna. Spike sighed and looked at the white walls around him. He would get out and he would see her smiling face once more.

*******Jensen Home**********************************************

"Dawn this isn't going to work either!"

Hanna slammed down her pen and threw her head back staring numbly at the Chinese lanterns Kay and Dawn help her put up after the Chinese festival. They glowed softly and she always thought they were pretty but now she just wanted to rip them down, do anything that would relieve her of her anger and frustration. "Hanna calm down. We'll get it. We'll find him."

Dawn gave her a sympathetic look.

Hanna slumped her shoulders. "Dawn what if we don't? He'll be trapped there. Tortured. Or worse…He's counting on me."

"I know. But maybe an answer will present itself. Let's stay focused ok?"

Hanna nodded weakly and picked up her pen once more and opened her notebook.

"Ok so what do we know?"

Dawn looked at the mass of papers at Hanna's desk and grabbed one right off the top. It was titled, "Things They Knew:" They were like Sherlock and Watson. Right.

"Ok so there are at least two entrances that we know of. One in the forest and one through the dorm. The soldiers are armed with guns and tasers and you need a key pass to all the doors. That's all we got so far."

Hanna bit her lip. There has to be elements of a plan in that list.

"Does Riley know me at all?"

Dawn shook her head. "Nope. Buffy never told him about you cause of the whole Spike thing. Why?"

Hanna looked at Dawn. "What if I went in there?"

Dawn gave her a confused look. "Went in where? The Initiative? Hanna, you wouldn't fit in. They are all adults and college students. And you kinda have to know how to get it."

Hanna stood and began to pace. Her plan was quickly bringing itself together. "I'm a senior. I'm eighteen. They won't know the difference between high school senior and college freshman. Buffy has key passes. I can get fatigues. I'm sure there are girl commandos right? All I would need would be an authentic looking ID tag and if I can get Willow to hack into their database and get a picture of one then she should be able to copy and paste me into one right? I mean she could do something like that right?"

Hanna asked hopefully. If this plan worked she could easily get in and find Spike. Say someone needed him for an experiment for something. She would think of something to say when she got there. But she could get there. A tiny glimmer of hope started to form in Hanna's heart and as she waited for Dawn's reply she thought of Spike and how proud he would be of her for finding him all on her own. Well…with the huge help of Dawn.

"Well Hanna I mean its dangerous. And Buffy would never give you the key pass and I don't think Willow would help you. They would just say it's too dangerous and let them handle it."

Hanna threw up her hands. "Well forget them. Spike has been gone for hours now and they have made no efforts to do anything about it. They are all at Buffy's house playing "pretend we care about Spike and just can't find the answer" game. They took Xander to the hospital so now its time to focus all their energy into not letting Spike rot in that prison."

Hanna looked around her room at all the papers strewn across her bed and desk. Her and Dawn had been working on this together since early this morning and Hanna had been working at it since last night. She has not slept and has not eaten for fear of missing an important part of the puzzle. Spike needed help and sleeping and eating sure as heck wasn't going to bring him back to her.

"We need help Dawn."

Dawn looked around the room in a similar fashion. "I know Hanna. I know." Hanna just slumped in her chair when the door bell rang. Hanna looked confused over at Dawn. Dawn shrugged. Hanna stood.

"Must be Kay, or Jared."

Hanna walked down the stairs and opened the front door.

"Oh. I wasn't expecting you at all. Come in."

Tara stepped through the door way and Hanna shut the door.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to come unannounced."

Hanna shook her head. "No, you're always welcome here. So is everything alright? Are you coming to tell me the scoobies are going to look for Spike."

Tara sighed sadly. "No Hanna. Buffy and Angel are looking over blueprints of the Initiative and Giles and Willow are working on a spell."

Hanna could tell by the way Tara said that last part she felt left out. Magic was something they shared as a couple and Tara would want to be a part of that, whatever Willow and Mr. Giles were going.

"Oh. Not surprising."

Tara smiled. "But I'm here to help you. I'm worried about Spike too and I have some ideas that I thought we could try."

Hanna perked up. She smiled warmly at Tara. Spike spoke fondly of her and now Hanna knew why. She was definitely the smartest and wisest besides Mr. Giles, but even his prejudices clouded his judgment at times. Willow was smart but tended to go with whatever Buffy or Xander said. And Xander had way too much power over those girls. His negative opinion of Spike and his constant nagging and insults hurt Spike. He would never say it but Hanna could feel a twinge of pain every time Xander threw of his jabs Spike's way and no one really ever defends him besides Joyce and Dawn. But Tara always had kind words for Spike and about him. She was there for Hanna when Spike left and really helped her through her suffering. She was a loving creature and seemed to heal anything that was hurt and fixed anything broken. Not to mention she was a way better witch then Willow.

"Well come on to HQ. I was telling Dawn about my plan that I could disguise myself as a solider in training or something and get in there that way and find Spike."

Tara lowered her eyes in thought. "Hmm…that might to be too dangerous for you, but I think I have an idea that might make that plan work out a lot easier."

"Lead the way captain."

Hanna said as she indicated the door to her room. Tara blushed and Hanna wondered how many times Tara's opinion was consulted. Hanna knew that many of the people in the Scooby Gang were over looked. And she couldn't figure out why. But she decided to worry about that another time and focused on Spike. They walked into the room and Dawn stood, a worried look on her face.

"Is everything ok?"

Hanna nodded. "Yeah better than Ok, Tara is here to help us."

A look of relief washed over her features and she resumed her seat in the desk chair.

"So what's your idea Tara?"

Tara sat on the bed and threw her bag beside her, it clanked as if there were some sort of glass containers in there.

"Well it dawned on me last night that Spike is a very powerful creature."

Hanna and Dawn looked at each other and then nodded.

"He was able to open his mind up enough to latch on to Willow's mind and speak to her using _her_ energy. You have to be very patient and calm for that to happen. You must empty your mind of everything but the person you are trying to communicate with. Now Willow is a powerful witch and could easily read the signal, but Spike had to be concentrating hard on thinking of only her. He spoke directly to her."

Hanna was confused. Why did he need to talk to Willow telepathically? She didn't understand the connection.

"OK so why did Spike have to talk to Willow in the first place?"

Tara smiled. "If he hadn't we all would have been stuck down there. None of us thought of using magic to get out of there. Then Willow and I remembered this spell we learned to suck the light out of every possible light source."

"Like a Deluminator?"

When both Tara and Dawn gave her a look of confusion, Hanna blushed.

"Uh…sorry Harry Potter reference. Continue."

"So we were able to escape. Well what if I were to tell Spike how to escape using you as like a, oh I don't know, a machine. Everything Spike and I tell you, you do or say. I would go but they know me. Between Spike's knowledge, and the knowledge I'm about to gain from hacking into their system, you will pass for sure as a commando in training."

"Wait I thought Willow was the hacker??"  
Tara gave a self serving smile. One of almost pride.

"She wasn't the only nerd in high school, and I have learned a lot from her. But the only draw back is, is I have to be close by, so I have to make sure I'm not seen or they might get suspicious. Does this sound like something we could do?" Hanna thought about this. Having both Spike and Tara in her head at the same time. Her eyes widened and she blushed.

"Um Tara can you guys _see_ my thoughts or just hear them?"

Tara gave her a knowing look.

"Just hear. Mental images are safe."

Hanna blushed a deeper red and breathed a sigh of relief. No way is Spike gonna let her live down what she had been thinking ever since they kissed last.

"I think this is a great plan Tara. What do I need to do?"

Dawn asked wanting to obviously help.

"Well you need to come with me as backup incase there is trouble."

Dawn's smile brightened. "I hope you would say that."

As Dawn and Hanna sat there praising Tara's brilliance the front door burst open and in came Hanna's parents. She knew it was them because she could hear her dad complaining about cab fare and how they were only paying them to drive, and not do magic tricks etc..etc…

"Hanna!? Honey we're home."

"Coming mom!"

Hanna called. "OK guys I'll be right back."

Hanna walked down the stairs already an excuse forming on her lips why Spike isn't here and why he won't be able to come to dinner tonight. She came and stood next to her parents tired from their trip.

"Hi sweetie."

Margaret hugged her daughter and then pulled back with a frown.

"Where's William. Is he upstairs?"

George gave a scowl to the stairs as if to blame the lifeless objects.

"He better not be."

Hanna laughed. "No Dad he isn't here. He can't make it for dinner."

Both parents paused and looked at Hanna. Disproving in both of their eyes. "Where is he then?"

George asked her in that father means business tone.

"Well he had to go back to England."

Hanna felt stupid for lying but she needed to give them a large time frame incase she didn't know how long it would take to find and rescue Spike.

"England? Didn't he just come back from there?" Margaret asked.

"Well yes, but his mother is still very sick and had a relapse. He needed to help her."

George sighed. "Well he can't help that. At least he's a good son. Not so sure about boyfriend."

"Dad!"

"Sorry sorry." He held up his hands in mock surrender.

"Um…George why don't you take the suitcases up stairs for me please?" Margaret asked. George nodded and began to pick them up.

"Oh Dad, Dawn and Tara are over."

George nodded at the other woman of the house and made his way upstairs. When he was gone and clear out of ear shot Margaret turned to Hanna and put her hands on her hips.

"Where is William really?"

Hanna knew she had been caught. Her eyes widened like a deer caught in headlights.

"In England Mom."

Hanna's mom tapped her foot and Hanna sighed.

"Not in England."  
"Where is he?"

Hanna took a deep breath and uttered a sentence she had never even dreamed of saying to her parents, especially her mother.

"I can't tell you."

She said in such a small kid like voice. She felt like she had betrayed her mother. She never wanted to lie, but this was too serious and too hard for her parents to understand when she didn't even understand herself.

"I thought we could tell each other anything?" She replied quietly.

Hanna's eyes welled with tears and she threw herself in her mother's arms.

"I know Mom. I know. I want to tell you. I want to tell you so bad, but I can't. I just can't Mom."

Margaret put her arms around her daughter and she rocked them back and forth. "Is William in any kind of police trouble?"

Hanna shook her head somewhere in her mother's shoulder.

"Has he done anything to you."

Hanna pulled back and shook her head quickly. "No Mom not at all."

Margaret squeezed her shoulders. "Then I don't need to know. I trust your judgment. We'll let your father keep thinking he is in England until he can get his business taken care of. He wasn't in England those eight months either was he?" Hanna shook her head yet again.

"You two had a falling out?"

"Yes, but we made up. We're working through some issues."

Margaret smiled. "Good. I'm glad to hear it. William is a good man. I'm going upstairs to take a shower. Are you girls ok for dinner on your own?"

"Yeah. Thanks Mom."

Margaret headed up the stairs.

"Hey Mom." Hanna called.

She stopped her turned.

"Sorry I lied to you and Dad."

"Honey, like I said. I trust you, and I trust William. You'll take good care of each other."

"Thanks again Mom. Love you."

"I love you too Hanna."


	20. Chapter 20

_**Chapter 20: Mind Games**_

"Ok, Dawn and I will wait for you right here. Do you have your key card?"

Tara asked as Hanna pulled one of the key card from Buffy out of her large fatigues pocket. She held it up for Tara to see.

"Good, now you can't be nervous and you can't speak like you care about Spike, avoid Riley at all costs…remember what he looks like? Very tall, brown hair…bulky…?"

Hanna nodded. They had went over this a million times before they even set out for the college, but Hanna appreciated Tara going over it again and again. Hanna would be lying if she said she wasn't nervous and scared. She was not only scared that she would be captured or killed. Or she would get Tara and Dawn hurt and worst of all that she would fail saving Spike and he would be lost to her forever. Dawn stepped forward and gave Hanna a quick hug.

She whispered. "Get our Spike back. I know you can."

Hanna smiled at her. "I'm going in."

Hanna said as she walked to the dormitory and up the stairs. Hanna looked around the hall and saw the set of stairs that Tara was speaking about. She walked briskly up the stairs and to the right were she saw Riley's room number. Before she knocked, she took a deep breath and concentrated.

_Hey Tara are you there?_

Hanna felt a little stupid talking to someone in her mind. She trusted Tara but there were so many things she thought impossible until eight months ago.

_I'm here Hanna. Where are you?_

_Outside Riley's door._

_Ok, remember, act confident._

_Got it._

Hanna knocked. She hears muffled footsteps get closer to the door and finally it swung open. Hanna looked at Riley and couldn't help but agree with Spike's description of him. Tall, dull, and corn fed. He looked like he just stepped off the tractor. Hanna suppressed her smile.

"Yes?" Riley looked her up and down and Hanna didn't know if he was wondering why she was here or wondering something that if Spike knew about would probably kill him.

Hanna quickly asked Tara mentally what to do and when she got her response answered Riley's question.

"Oh I'm sorry, I guess I'm lost. I was told to come here for a meeting of some kind."

Riley gave her a confused look. "Well this is a fraternity dorm. You might want to try the dorm opposite us. They're a sorority."

Hanna used every acting skill she could possible muster to act like a tough combat trained solider to be and looked confused.

"I'm not a student here…yet, I was given this letter from someone named Walsh… they told me to come here and talk to a Riley or Forrest, or Graham. I don't know why. But this is what I was told. And I am not one to ignore a command."

Hanna wanted to laugh at herself. She sounded like some military version of Buffy or wonder woman. Riley finally gave her a look of recognition.

"Oh you must be here for combat training. I forgot Walsh sent those out last week. Come on in. We were just about to go down there ourselves. We'll escort you."

Hanna breathed a sigh of relief. Thanks to Tara's hacking skills. They were able to get a copy of the summons letters that Walsh sent out to commandoes to be and she printed one and made it look so real Hanna couldn't even tell that she didn't receive it in the mail herself. Hanna followed Riley in the dorm room and looked around. Typical guys room. Messy, book stacks, soda cans, junk food. Hanna did notice a picture of Buffy on his night stand and cringed inwardly. She almost felt sorry for the guy if he hadn't kidnapped and hurt her boyfriend.

"Hey this is Forrest."

A handsome tall African American man shook her hand and gave her a wink. "You must be the trainee, well Im glad _we_ are finally getting some girls in our team. Cute ones too."

Hanna blushed and smiled. Were all college guys this unashamed about flirting? She would have to keep Spike on a leash when she started to go to college here. Both men zipped up their gear and moved a picture framed from the back wall. Riley took a key card out of his pocket and slid it through the slit in the wall. It opened into a bright white elevator. Riley let Hanna step though it first followed by him and then Forrest. It closed and they headed down. What she would see there Hanna didn't know and she was so nervous she felt like she was going to be sick.

"Hey don't look nervous. Walsh isn't that scary once you get to know her. Well…actually she is, but you'll fit in fine here."

Riley gave her a smile and Forrest nodded in agreement. Hanna sent a thought to Tara that she was in with Riley and Forrest and that they were going to meet Walsh. Tara warned her that Walsh was the craziest out of all of them and to be careful. Once Hanna got into the base itself. Tara would open the mental lines in her own mind and become a sort of medium from which Hanna and Spike could talk. Hanna was most happy about that. She wanted to hear his voice so bad. And she knew she could do anything with his reassuring words and his confidence. It wasn't bad either that those reassuring words were said with a sexy accent.

************Inside the Initiative*****************

Spike paced the small white room for what seemed like hours. Walsh and some commando had come and gotten him saying that Drusilla needed to talk to him. They took him to this very small white room and locked him in there. He was growing very angry and very impatient. Finally he heard her voice through the metal door and awaited her presence. The door finally opened and Drusialla floated in looking happy and insane. Like always.

"What is this about Dru?" Spike asked annoyance clear in his voice.

Dru smiled and walked slowly over to him. "I finally get my wish darling Spike." Spike raised his brow in question. "What wish is that? To kill the slayer?"

Drusilla giggled and shook her head. "No no dear William. My wish I made for you."

She started towards him and Spike stood his ground. She wielded no power over him, not any more.

"What did you wish more me pet?"

Just as those words left his lips Walsh and Graham stepped into the room with them and closed the door securely behind them. Walsh pushed a small red button on a remote and a white wall opened up in front of them and it revealed a large white chair. Spike was instantly panicked. Graham took out his gun and Drusilla just kept smiling as if Graham had taken out a flower instead of a gun.

"What wish Dru? What's going on?" Drusilla waltzed over to him and put her hands on the sides of his hand and brought his face level with hers. Spike thought she was going to kiss him for a split second until she whispered in his ear.

"I'm going to chase away all those bad memories."

Spike looked confused again. "What bad memories? Of the chip?"

Drusilla shook her head like a child who knew a secret.

"I'm going to kill all those naughty memories of _her_."

Spike's eyes widened and he pulled quickly away from her. No no no. This can not be happening. The deal she made with Walsh….being held prisoner….it all made sense. Drusilla was going to erase his memories of Hanna so that she could have her Spike back. Well he would be damned if he let that happen. He would fight or die fighting before he let them take those memories away from him.

"No Drusilla your wish will never come true."

"Oh I think it will."

Graham said from behind Spike as he quickly shot him with the taser with such a high voltage Spike was out before he would even raise his eyes. Drusilla picked him up and carried him to the chair and Graham strapped him in tightly.

***********Somewhere In the Initiative*********

"Alright everyone if you will all look to your left you will see this is the holding cells where we keep the worst of the demons."

All the students rushed over as nonchalantly as they could to get a better view of the evil demons. Hanna looked over someone shoulder and scanned quickly for Spike. She didn't see him anywhere and she hadn't seen him in the other cells they looked in. What was worse was Tara hadn't responded to her message in over an hour and she was really worried that something had happened outside or that something had happened to Spike.

"Excuse me Agent Finn? There is only one cell empty, is that supposed to be like this? Are you saving it for something really terrible?"

A student turned and asked Riley. Riley had a look of confusion on his face. "None of those cells should be empty."

He walked over to the window and peered. He grew instantly panicked and angry and grabbed his walkie talkie out of his chest pocket.

"Graham, come in Graham you there?"

Everyone was silent. If an agent was alarmed then you have something to panic about. All that could be heard was static. Finally there was a response.

"Hey Finn, man I have my hands full right now."

"Where's Hostile 17?"

Hanna tried not to flinch at that number. That was Spike's identification number. He was missing? Had he escaped? Had he ran away? Why didn't he come find her? Did he just take off and not think about where he was going? Did she risk her life for nothing? Then she grew sick…did he get dusted somehow? No she would have felt it right? That was what Spike said. Mates feel when one dies. Maybe she had to be a vampire for that power to work. Maybe he has been gone hours ago and she would never have known. Hanna began to feel hot all over and shaky. She felt as if the walls were closing in. He couldn't be gone. Why was that idiot Graham taking so long to respond?

"Dammit Finn don't you remember? We're with Walsh right now. I don't have time for this. Hostile 17 is acting….well hostile."

"Let me out of this you git!!"

Hanna thanked what ever powers that were up there for letting her hear Spike's voice. He was ok, or at least still alive. Courage and determination shot through Hanna. Hearing Spike's voice rejuvenated her and her confidence that she would get Spike out.

_Hanna you there?_

_Yeah I'm here. What took so long? I was worried._

_Sorry, bad news. Can't get you through to Spike. Someone in the room with him is blocking me and they are powerful. They could have a demon or another witch working for them. Be cautious._

Hanna slumped her shoulders. Where there went her plans. She needed Spike to know she was here so that he would have the ability to hold on and endure just a little bit longer. She wanted to hear his voice telling her how brave she was and that he loved her and that she was his rescuer and to let her know that he was ok. And now she had to find a different tactic for getting closer to Spike without raising alarm.

"OK gang who wants to go see a demon be tortured?"

The students all smiled and grew excited. Hanna tried to not be ill. They were talking about Spike. Had to be. Where ever he was he was trapped and they were going to go watch. Hanna could stomach it though for she knew that this would bring her a step closer to getting him back.


	21. Chapter 21

_**Chapter 21: A Loving Act**_

As the group of soldiers in training walked to wherever Spike was being held Hanna could barley contain her nerves. What would she see? Would she be able to mask her disgust and anger long enough to get Spike out? She was scared that she would be too weak. Hanna had never rescued anyone before. She couldn't even rescue herself from one drunken frat boy. How was she going to get her and Spike out of there fighting an entire army? With guns? But she knew she had too. Spike would walk across an endless road of crosses covered in holy water for Hanna and she wanted to show the same love. As they approached a metal door Hanna glanced around the other soldiers in training Most of them looked too excited for her liking. Probably why they were chosen. Just as soulless and they demons they were catching. But two soldiers happened to catch her eye. One was smaller than the other one but very confident and steady and the other one which was the one that noticed the empty cage before kept shifting his gaze to the other soldier. It was almost a reassuring glance, but Hanna knew that would be crazy. Hanna shook her head. Maybe she was going insane because of her nervousness. Finally they all stopped in front of the large metal door and Riley and Forrest turned to the group. "Alright gang. This is your first taste of what we do here in the lab. We have captured a very dangerous hostile and he won't be happy with people watching. Be on the look out. You don't have to worry too much because Forrest, Graham, and I will be watching over you." Riley flashed a huge farm boy smile at Hanna. Hanna tried very hard to smile back and not roll her eyes. As Riley opened the door Hanna grew nervous again. She would not like anything she would see in there. That she already knew, what she did not know is how she would escape. She had to think quickly. What would Spike do? He would be brave and tough and scary. She couldn't pull off any or those things. But she would try. They all stepped through the door and into a large white room. There was a white chair in the middle of it and a table full of weird looking medical instruments. Hanna braved to see who was in the chair, just to confirm to herself. Her senses were going crazy and her stomach was doing weird flips. She knew it could be a combination of fear and what Spike described to her as the feeling of being in close proximity to your mate. She stood on tip toes and saw who was the in the chair. Strapped down and struggling with such great force that veins were bulging in his neck and arms. Hanna had to fight back sobs and screams of anger. She had to wait for a distraction…just for a second. She took a moment to assess her surroundings. Everyone had guns except for the woman holding a very big needle near her mate's head. Hanna looked towards the corner and there was a curious looking woman. She wasn't in camouflage or a lab coat. She was strikingly beautiful and deadly looking all at once. She had pale skin and raven black hair that tumbled down her back. Who ever she was Hanna got a really terrible feeling from her. She was snapped out of her thoughts by the most awful sound she had ever heard…Spike screaming. He was screaming something.

"No! No! Please no!"

"Hanna!"

"Hanna!"

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAA!!!"

Hanna couldn't hold back the tears. She sobbed quietly into her sleeve. He was calling for her. He needed her. He was pleading for her help. He must know I'm here thought Hanna. But how could she get to him. Then suddenly the two soldiers she noticed before turned to her and looked right at her. One of them also had tears streaming down his cheeks. Hanna gave him a look full of confusion. The one not crying nodded at Hanna and then nodded his head over to the woman standing over Spike torturing him. Hanna shook her head trying to tell them she didn't know what was going on. They turned back around and then all of a sudden there were gun shots being fired. Hanna screamed in surprise and heard all the soldiers scream as well. Then there was mass hysteria. People everywhere trying to get out of the white room. Hanna took this as her sign and charged through the crowd going the opposite direction. One of the soldiers from before came running beside her and shoved a gun in her hand.

"You know how to use this?"

Hanna looked at the gun and then nodded.

"You sure?"

She cocked it in response. The other soldier nodded and then veered off leaving her alone to try and get to Spike. She did actually know how to use a gun. Her father taught her right after her cousin died. He said that the bad people in this world don't stop using guns and they won't stop just because someone doesn't know how to use one. Better to be safe then sorry. She was never more grateful for her father then this moment. She almost paused with that thought. Was she ready to kill someone? To actually end someone's life for Spike? She looked up and saw Spike still strapped in the chair fighting to get out. To get to her. She looked at the woman hurting him and then at the gun. She ran faster and decided she would do whatever it took to get Spike back. What ever it may be she would do it. She finally made it to where Spike was. The woman standing over him straightened and cleaned her hands. She looked at her half heartedly until she noticed the gun. Then she smiled.

"What do you think you're doing?"

Hanna was shaking and she knew she must look scared. But she wasn't. It was adrenaline that was coursing through her veins making her shake.

"I want Spike back."

The woman looked down at Spike and then up at her.

"What are you planning on doing about that?"

Hanna pretended to think. "Well I plan on shooting you if I have to."

The woman didn't even flinch. "Oh really? And how do you plan on getting passed my soldiers?"

"Um...lady…they aren't here."

Finally the woman showed some fear. She glanced around the room looking for anyone to protect her. Everyone was dealing with the mess the two soldiers had created. She showed weakness. And if Hanna remembered anything from what Spike taught her it was that you can control anyone with fear. Hanna smiled.

"I'll be taking Spike now."

The woman stepped in front of him. "You don't have the nerve to fire that gun and you don't have the courage to rescue anyone. Why do you even want him? He's a filthy demon with no grasp on human emotion. He's nothing but a waste of space."

With that last statement she did something to make him whimper in pain.

"Stop that or I will shoot."

The woman smiled cruelly and did it again making Spike whimper louder. And before Hanna could even know what was happening the woman was lying on the floor blood poring out of her leg and the smell of gun powder in the air. Hanna looked at her hand that held the gun. That was too easy and that scared her. She didn't even think she just reacted and now this woman was in pain and bleeding. But she was hurting Spike and deserved what she got. Hanna shook her head. She would deal with it later. She walked over to the chair and stood over Spike. She lightly ran her hand down the hollow of his cheek, and the tears flowed freely again.

"Spike I'm so sorry I let this happen. You must be in so much pain."

He stirred slightly and parted him lips and if taking a breath to say something. He mumbled and Hanna leaned over to try and hear him.

"What did you say? Spike? Talk to me."

"..u…" Was all she could hear and finally her ear was so close to his mouth that she could feel the word tickle her ear. The word she did not expect him to say.

"Dru…"

Hanna snapped back from him. What did he say? Dru? As in Drusilla? As in the woman he was with for an entire century? But he had been calling for her, Hanna, his mate. She was his mate and he was hers. He wasn't Drusilla's. Not anymore. The woman in the back practically floated towards the chair and looked down at Spike. She grabbed his hand and looked at Hanna right in the eyes. "Hello little poppy. I pulled you out…don't you see…I got rid of you so you wouldn't poison my Spike anymore."

Hanna shook her head. "What are you talking about?"

Spike fluttered his eyes open and look at Drusilla holding his hand. He brought it to his lips and kissed it gently. Hanna tried not to be ill.

"You saved me love." He said gently and full of admiration.

Only he was saying it to the wrong girl.

"No Spike I saved you…please I saved you. I shot her."

Hanna looked to the ground and saw only a blood trail. She had no time to think of her now. Spike glanced at Hanna and then looked at Drusilla. He gave her a look of love and Hanna wanted to go find a nice bridge to jump off of.

"Untie me pet."

Drusilla reached for the leather straps and ripped them from the chair. Spike hopped up and swung his legs over. He stood and walked to Drusilla.

"Spike."

He turned and looked at Hanna. No look of love. No sweet words. There wasn't even a look of recognition. It was like he had no clue as to who she was.

"Who's the girl?"

Spike asked Drusilla. Drusilla smiled cruelly.

"She's your present."

"My present? Now Dru you know about my chip."

He said as he grabbed her around the waist. Hanna looked away finding it hard to even keep herself standing.

"Why do you think we are here my love?"

Spike titled his head to one side for only a second and then he seemed to realize something.

"You made them take my chip out."

Drusilla nodded.

"And then brought me my first real meal. Oh Drusilla I love you."

Hanna snapped her eyes back to Spike just in time to see him kiss Drusilla. He said he loved her. _Her_. The one he said didn't mean anything to him anymore. Hanna had lost him. She had come all this way to loose him anyway. She had no idea what to do…and then it dawned on her exactly what was said…his first real meal….he was going to kill her. He was going to drain her life force away and then leave her here to rot alone…he was going to kill her. And she was going to let him. She couldn't out run him. Could never fight him. Could never kill him. Not that she wanted to. He was her weakness. She loved him too much to fight back. She was already so tired from trying to get here. She didn't care. Spike didn't know…didn't want her…she had fought all this way for nothing. She realized she would never see her parents again. Her friends. Never go to college…get married…experience life. She would die right here by the hands of her true love. Her soul mate. And he will go one and live forever with his true mate. Someone who can give him immortality back. Someone worthy of his love. She had only one more thing to do.

_Tara…_

_Tara…_

_Hey Hanna a whole mass of soldiers just ran passed. Dawn and I are in a tree hiding. Did you find Spike yet?_

_Yeah I found him_

_Are you guys almost out?_

_He will be out in a few minutes_

_He? Just him? What about you?_

_No I won't be coming with him._

_Hanna you're scaring me, what's going on?_

_Tara just listen to me ok?_

_Tell Dawn that she is my best friend _

_Tell Jared and Kaye that they are my family._

_Tell Buffy to please love Angel and Angel the same_

_And to you…thank you for being my true friend as well_

_Tell my parents that I love them and I'm sorry._

_Tell them I did this for love…_

_And finally if Spike ever snaps out of this tell him I chose this…I did this for him tell him I love him and tell him I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough_

_Good bye Tara_

_No wait Hanna…_

_Wait no!_

_Wait!_

_Wait!_

Hanna stepped closer to the couple. Spike was caressing Drusilla in a way that she only dreamed of. He was looking at Drusilla the way that he had once looked at her. She took him for granted. Waited months without him. Being stubborn. Being young and naïve. Being selfish. True love doesn't wait for you to wake up. True love happens only once. And she missed it. Now she would pay the price. She would die. She was scared. She was too young to die. But she wouldn't run from him. She would not die like pray. He will not hunt her and see her weakness. She would die by choice. She would stand firm. She would be brave. Spike deserved at least one act of bravery from her. This was her last loving act. It would hurt. But only for a short time.

"You know pet. Most people would run by this point." Spike said amusingly.

Hanna stood straighter and looked Spike in the eyes.

"What's the point of running? You're faster."

"Aren't you scared?"

"Not anymore."

Spike morphed into game face and Drusilla followed him.  
"Well let's see if we can't change that."

Hanna moved her hair off of her neck and titled her head to one side. Maybe he will be gentle. Spike grabbed Hanna by the wrist and pulled her forward and held her tightly. Tightly to where she couldn't really breathe. Well maybe not. Her eyes welled with tears from the pain. She shut her eyes. She tried to imagine that Spike was just holding her. Just holding her like he used to. Hold her close and listen to her heartbeat. Hanna weakly put her hands on to Spike's shoulders. As if they were dancing or just hugging. At least she can be in his arms one last time. Hanna opened her eyes to his yellow ones. She tried to picture his blue eyes filled with love.

"I know this doesn't make any sense right now, but I love you."

She said quietly to him. He gave her a confused look, and lowered his head to her neck. Hanna closed her eyes once more and held Spike close.


	22. Chapter 22

_Sorry for the late-ness guys…finals at school…yuck. Hope you enjoy! Please review!!! –M.w.M_

_**Chapter 22: Mine **_

Spike was loving this moment. His unlife could not have been more perfect. He didn't have that bloody chip anymore, his girl came back to him. Came back to him! And he had a young girl in his arms waiting to be tasted. Spike was thinking about this as he was about to take his first bite from his first victim in a long time. But then he stopped. He realized he was being selfish and turned towards his Dark Princess.

"I'm sorry love, I should have let you have the first bite. After all you did save me."

Drusilla shook her head. "No love, I brought this one especially for you."

Spike smiled. It was really happening. Drusilla had finally come back to him and wanted him again. She was calling him her love. He had always wanted someone to love him.

"Aww I appreciate it pet. You know this reminds me of the time in France when we fought over who should have the last waiter at that little r bistro, remember that love? I have fond memories of Paris, we should go again."

Spike turned back to the girl in his arms. She was very strange. He had never had a victim like her before. She wasn't trying to escape or scream or anything. Just standing there looking lost and sad. Spike had to admit she was taking the whole dying thing like a champ. Most people scream and try to get away although he did love the chase and the fear. This girl didn't seem scared at all. Just resigned to the fact that she would die. She didn't seem all that surprised about vampires either. As he finished his thought he saw the girl's look had changed from resignation to anger. The girl pushed passed him and looked right at Drusilla.

"You did this didn't you? You erased his memory. I knew it, he wouldn't just forget me. He loves me and that kills you doesn't it?"

Spike was very very confused and he could see that this girl was upsetting Dru. He didn't know why she was obviously insane.

"Spike please take her away."

Spike reached out to take the girl's hand but she pushed it away. "No! Spike listen to me."

"Ok that's it. How do you know my name?"

Spike was getting tired of this girl talking to him like she knew him.

"This is going to sound a little crazy, ok, but please try and listen to me. You and I are mates."

Spike interrupted her with huge roar of a laugh. Ok, now he had no doubt in his mind this girl was completely bonkers.

"I know it sounds like a lie, but its true. I came here to the Initiative to save you from Riley. I don't know why Drusilla is here, I don't know how she took away your memory, but its true. You were captured and I came to rescue you."

Spike turned to Drusilla.

"Where did you find this one pet?"

Drusilla smiled weakly.

"Just kill her Spike. She's a naughty girl and deserves to be punished."

Spike turned back towards the girl and now she was starting to get scared. He could smell the fear building up within her and it smelled delicious.

"Enough chat. I'm hungry. I felt like I haven't eaten in days."

The girl started to back up her path was short as she pressed her back into the wall.

"That's because you've been trapped. I'm telling the truth."

Spike followed her and put his hands on either side of her head, not that he was worried she would escape but it made him look scary.

"Prove it."

The girl looked around as if the evidence to her radical claim would just be hanging in the air.

"You're true name is William. Uh….you hate the slayer Buffy, and, and um…her friend Xander. You were captured and your name was Hostile 117. um…Drusilla cheated on you with a chaos demon….you hate Angel because he stole Drusilla from you when he lost his soul. You like poetry. Um…um…you were shot by the Initiative soldiers."

Spike raised himself back up and looked at the girl. How did she know so much about him? How did she know the things that wouldn't be in any books?

"I'm going to ask you this once, and if I don't believe, I will kill you and drain you dry. Understand?"

The girl nodded.

"How do you know those things about me?"

The girl took a deep breath. "You told me. You came to my house, snuck into my room, laid on my bed and told me. We would spend hours talking. We were in love Spike. Please…please try and believe me. Why would I lie about something like this? Drusilla did this to you…to us…she is jealous that you love me now and she got the Initiative to erase your memory and take out the chip so you would kill me. I shot Walsh, she was right there. Look her blood is still there."

Spike glanced at the large blood smear that lead from where they were standing to the front door. Spike turned to Drusilla again, who looked as confused as he felt.

"You don't believe me at all do you?"

Spike turned back to the girl. He really had no idea who she was and could only think that this was the strangest way to talk oneself out of dying. But a small niggling voice in the back of his head kept telling his something was wrong…kept telling him Drusilla wasn't telling him everything. But he remembered getting captured…remembered seeing Drusilla…remember Walsh cutting into his skull…it all added up…why did he feel like maybe this girl was telling the truth? He has never seen her, but he feels….something….he didn't know what it was. Well Spike couldn't think of any other option but this one.

"You're right pet."

The girl looked up at him hopefully.

"I don't believe you"

The girl looked crushed instantly and her eyes welled with tears.

"Alright. I tried."

She moved her hair to one side and stood there trembling slightly and crying. He felt almost sorry for the little thing. But his stomach growled and so he closed the gap between them and encircled her waist. The girl closed her eyes and Spike went into game face. He leaned in and breathed in deeply. She smelled wonderful. He hadn't smelled anything this good in a long time. She was young, and soft, and trembling against him. Her soft cries making her seem even more valuable and weak. Despite his hunger, he could do nothing but be gentle with her for the first bite. He licked the soft flesh of her throat and bite down gently but firmly and started to drink. The young girl gasped in his arms and started to tremble more. Her fear taking over. She wasn't struggling but more like she was trying not to. He found that odd. She wanted it to be comfortable for him? He mentally shrugged and focused on the deep satisfaction of human blood. Especially human blood spiked with innocence and fear. Her fold on his was growing weaker and he knew that was the tell tale sign she was slowly loosing consciousness. Spike retracted his fangs and just continued to suck slowly on the bite savoring the taste and feel of the human girl. He opened his eyes and watched as a small rivulet of blood made its way from the girl's neck to the collar of her shirt and disappear in the black material. Spike was about to close his eyes again when he noticed that the t-shirt had two holes on the chest. About the shape of the tip of a cigarette. He also noticed that the areas surrounding the holes were singed as if something had burnt them. He stared at it. The girl was quickly loosing her hold on his shoulders altogether. She was fading fast. Spike just kept staring at the holes…and then realization hit him. He let go of the girl's neck and looked at her. Her head rolled to one side for she was too weak to hold it up. Spike couldn't believe he hadn't noticed it before. This was his shirt. He knew it from the cigarette marks. He did I to himself one night right after Dru left when he was drunk and alone in his crypt. He leaned in and took a deep breath. It smelled like him. In fact it reeked of him. How did this girl have his shirt if he didn't know her? She couldn't have stolen it, all his stuff was at the Summer's…wait why was he staying with them again? He had to do something…some deal he made…it was to help destroy this place…but what was he getting out of it?...and then Spike remembered…it was to get his chip out. Why would he let Drusilla do this if he knew he was getting it out already? Well she could have not known about his deal with the slayer…but if he wasn't captured as Drusilla said then why was he strapped to the chair? Why was this girl dressed like a soldier…something didn't make sense. Spike lifted the girl gently up so her face was level with his. He softly caressed her cheek. Felt how soft it was…how delicate…how…familiar. The girl could barley open her eyes. But she managed to and looked right at him. Spike couldn't contain the small word that escaped his lips.

"Mine?"

The girl swallowed hard as if forcing the word to come. She nodded weakly and said,

"Yours"

And as if Spike was struck by lightening something happened in his head that caused him to growl in pain. It was if something was being ripped from him. Like an old layer of skin was being ripped from him and now his new flesh was exposed. He looked around the room becoming fuzzy. He heard small whimpers in front of his and tried to focus on it. He tried to breath and calm himself down. He looked at the girl in front of him. She was taking shallow, quick breaths and her heart was racing. Her eyes were closed and her hold on his was weak. Spike pulled her close as he began to tremble with remorse.

"Hanna" his whispered into her hair.

His mate. She protected him even when her life was on danger. She tried to save him. Risked her life only to be betrayed by her love. Her mate. He turned to Drusilla. Hanna limp in his arms. Drusilla looked angry, but Spike could also see fear hiding behind her eyes full of fire. Spike set Hanna gently into the chair that he had woken up in.

"This will only take a minute love"

He whispered. He quickly made his way around the chair and now he was face to face with Drusilla. Drusilla stood straighter.

"She will only poison you my Spike. You will regret…"

Spike growled and interrupted her.

"The only thing I regret…is letting you continue to think that you would ever be enough for me."

Drusilla hissed and changed into game face. "That little poppy is nothing. She will do nothing but put sunshine in your head Spike. I am your dark princess."

Spike stepped closer to her. "You are nothing to me."

Drusilla took two steps back. "I was your everything. I made you."

"You were my everything but I didn't know any better then. I hadn't found anything better then."

"But love…William…I gave you the night."

Spike was finally right in front of her and Drusilla started to panic. She tried to push him away, but he was much stronger now that he was filled with human blood and the strength of his mate. Spike pushed her against the wall, his hand holding her by the throat.

"Yes you did love…and now I get to give the gift you gave to me so many years ago…."

Drusilla started to cry and scream and thrash, but Spike was still stronger and faster. He put his other hand on the other side of her neck.

"Death"

And before Drusilla could defend herself, Spike pull her away from the wall and twisted her neck with such force that she dusted…and she crumbled into ash in his hands. He wiped his hands on his jeans and turned back to Hanna. He rushed over to her. She wasn't breathing quickly anymore…she was barley moving. Spike put his head to her chest. He could barley hear her heart beat. It was faint and it was fading. He came to the cold realization…she was dying. She would die because of him. All because of him. He picked her up and rushed through the Initiative as fast as he could. He raced through the hallways looking for an exit. Everything was empty and quiet. It was like a dream…this can't be happening. After everything this can't be happening. He looked down at his mate in his arms and then to the holes in her neck.

Oh God…what has he done?


	23. Chapter 23

_**Chapter 23: Awakening**_

Spike felt like he was having déjà vu. How long ago was it that he and the scoobies were running to this same exit? It felt like months, years. What was worse is that it has felt longer since he had last held Hanna. Now he had her in his arms and this was not what he had envisioned at all. But he had no time to concentrate on regrets. He needed to get Hanna to a hospital and fast. Her heart beat was so slow and faint he had to strain to hear it. He was starting to panic. What if he didn't get her to a hospital on time? What if they couldn't save her? It was all because of him. All of it. All his fault because he was weak and selfish. He should have stayed in Brazil. He should have let Hanna keep his coat when he first gave it her. He should have saved her and then saved her again by never stepping in her life. He wouldn't lie. He had wanted it….wanted her…so badly it clouded his judgment and made him believe that the impossible was possible. She was a little girl. She had a life. Friends, a family. People would miss her if she were gone. But if he had died, no one would even remember his name in ten years…ten months. And now here he was, he got what he wanted…a half dead mate…and three bullets lodged in Spike's back that reminds him with every stride how weak he truly was. The pain wasn't as bad as before though…his mate's blood has seen to that…God he was a fool. How could he let this happen? If he was too late he didn't know what he would do…No. No. Failure was not an option. He would not give up on her because Hanna never gave up on him. She risked her life to come a rescue him and he would not disappoint her by sitting around feeling sorry for himself. Hanna needed him now…needed her mate. He was damned if he wasn't the one to be that for her. Spike was coming up to the exit at the dorms when two young soldiers ran right in front of him and stopped.

Spike skidded to a halt and growled a warning.

"Get out of my way and you will live."

Spike meant it this time. He wasn't just trying to scare them to let him pass. With his chip out nothing would stop him from getting Hanna out of here. Even he had to kill every person he comes in contact with. He would do it for her. All for her. The soldiers continued to stand there until one of them stepped forward.

"Spike?"

Instantly Spike's look softened. "Anita. What are you doing here?"

Anita morphed back into her beautiful olive skinned form, followed by her husband Philippe.

"When you didn't respond to my letter I knew something was wrong. We stopped by the Summer's and they told me you were captured. I only knew of one place that captured demons and so here we are. Is that her?"

Anita indicated to Hanna's almost lifeless form.

Spike nodded quickly. "Do you have a car here?"

Philippe answered. "Yes a van. It is parked down the street. Come"

Philippe and Anita started to run and Spike followed closely at their heels. He was amazed that Anita would be here. He knew she cared for him, but he didn't know to what extent. It touched his dead heart that she worried about him so much she actually came to rescue him. He looked down at Hanna and then to Anita and Philippe. Maybe having a family isn't so bad. They finally arrived outside and Spike followed the two shape shifters to a black van parked in a small side street next to the frat house. Anita threw open the van door and spoke quickly.

"Adrianna…Edgar…move to the very back. Come on hurry now."

Spike gently buckled Hanna into the seat and let her head rest against the back of the seat. He was about to run to the other side when he heard his name.

"Spike wait! Spike!"

Spike turned and saw Tara and Dawn rushing toward them. They really didn't have the time.

"Look can't talk. Hanna is in trouble. Get in the van quickly."

Tara and Dawn squeezed in with Anita's children and Spike slammed the door. He maneuvered his way to the other seat and sat down. Philippe turned on the engine and floored it.

"You might want to hang on to something back there."

Spike looked and saw Tara, Dawn, Adrianna, and Edgar all sprawled on top of each other.

"Um..ow.." Dawn mumbled as she tried to sit up.

"What happened Spike? Hanna said good bye and it sounded like she thought she wasn't going to make it."

Spike sighed and looked over at Hanna. She was still unconscious and he wasn't a doctor but he knew that wasn't a good sign.

"Let's just worry about getting her some help."

He didn't mean to sound rough. He wasn't angry at Tara, but Spike did not want this to be focused on him just yet. They all needed their minds to be with Hanna. Finally Spike could see the glowing signs for the emergency side of the hospital. Philippe stopped the van right in front of the doors.

"Spike, go. We will meet you."

Spike quickly unbuckled Hanna's seat belt and ran to her side of the van. He picked her up as softly as he could while trying to hurry and made his way through the doors. He ran right up to a nurse.

"She needs help."

He practically shoved Hanna into the nurse's face.

"Ok sir. How long has she been unconscious?"

"I don't bloody know. I wasn't counting the minutes."

"Sir be calm. I will go and get a doctor."

"Well don't stop and ask questions then, get a doctor!"

The nurse rolled her eyes and hurried through double doors. Spike just stood there with Hanna in arms. He didn't know what to do. How to help. He studied medicine when he was human but its changed quite a bit since then, and he never studied vampire bites. The only thing he knew that happened was that person died. He felt useless. Just standing there holding her. He wanted to do something and be helpful he just didn't know what.

"Ok sir, we'll take her from here."

A doctor came rushing at him with a stretcher and three nurses to lift Hanna and roll her away through the double doors. One nurse stayed behind and handed Spike forms.

"We need you to fill this out. Your friend should be settled in by then and I will be able to talk to the doctor about what can be done and what has been done. Alright?"

"What if I don't know the answers?"

"Are you a relative?"

"I'm….her boyfriend."

"Then you should know. It is basic questions."

The nurse hurried away and let Spike to sit in the waiting room. He had never been to a hospital before. At least not one in the 21 century. He sat in an ugly orange plastic chair and looked at the form. Ok let's see…Last name…um…something with a J…James….John..Jen..Jensen. Yes! Jensen. Ok first name…Hanna. He knew that. Date of birth…He became frustrated. He didn't know her birthday. They never really talked about it. He assumed because of his age. He would just skip it. Age…ok…she was eighteen. He knew that because Hanna commented on their age difference that she was eighteen and he was almost thirty. As Spike made his way down the list of question he was getting more and more angry with himself. He didn't know any of these. Why would he know what her insurance company was? And finally he came down to a question he knew but didn't want to. Her blood type. It was O, but only because he was the one testing it. Spike had eaten enough people to know the different types. That made him want to gag. To know that the blood she needed was in his veins made him ill. What felt like hours ticked by and the nurse finally came back. Spike stood quickly.

"Ok don't panic but she has lost a lot of blood and her red blood cell count is about 5.5 mg/dl. We start to consider the need for a blood transfusion at about 7 mg/dl for females…"

While this woman was telling him about Hanna's blood loss Spike was ready to loose it. He can't listen to this. This is for humans and he was a monster. Proved that tonight. Her family should be here for her not him. He was one that caused this. He should be in jail…well…a jail for demons anyway. And then he remembered the Initiative. He was in a demon prison… and Hanna saved him….rescued him when no one else would come for him….

"Sir?"

"Sir" Spike snapped out of it when he heard the nurse speaking directly to him. "Have you filled out the form?"

Spike sheepishly handed it to her. "I'm sorry I really can't…"

"It's ok. I know you're worried. Oh good you know her blood type and her name. That's all I need. Do you need us to contact any family for you?"

Spike swallowed hard. "Yes. Her parents."

"OK well if she has lived in this town for more than a year she should be in the system. I'll give them a call."

"How can you be so calm?"

The nurse smiled. "It's my job."

With that she walked away and back to her desk. Spike sat back down in the stupid plastic chair. A blood transfusion. He wished he could take it all back. Hanna needed a bloody transfusion…He only heard of people getting those on the soaps...Spike sighed and put his head in his hands.

Spike was restlessly pacing when Anita, Philippe, Adrianna, Edgar, Dawn and Tara came in.

"Parking is deadly here."

Philippe grumbled as he sat in the orange chair that Spike had occupied a few moments ago. Anita put her hand on Spike's shoulder.

"How is she?"

Spike sighed. "She needs a blood transfusion."

Tara and Dawn gasped. Anita and Philippe gave him a knowing look. Spike averted both of their eyes.

"What is a blood transfusion Daddy?" Edgar asked.

"Its when someone loses blood and they need some more." Philippe answered. Spike shook his head. All his fault.

"Does Hanna's parents know?" Dawn asked him softly.

Spike nodded. "The nurse said she would call them."

As if on queue the Jensen's run in and immediately found Spike.

"Where is my little girl? Where is Hanna?"

George was practically screaming in Spike's face.

"George, stop it! Spike, what happened? They called and said Hanna was here, what happened?" Margaret asked frantically.

Spike opened his mouth to speak, but George cut him off.

"I'll answer for you. It was because she was with him. She goes through years without getting an injury and then you come along and she is mugged and then eight more months of no injuries and then you come along and she is in the hospital."

Spike looked down at his feet. He was right. Hanna was hurt every time they had been together. First by the vampire, then by Angel, and then by him…He was the worst mate the powers that be could have picked for Hanna.

"Look Mr. Jensen, Spike saved Hanna. She would be dead if it wasn't for him." Dawn came to his defense still not knowing it was Spike that did this.

"Well she wouldn't be in this mess if it wasn't for him."

"Excuse me if you are all done fighting I would like to explain about your daughter's condition."

The nurse from before came up behind them. George and Margaret turned and faced her, concern written all over their faces.

"Ok, like I already explained to him," she indicated to Spike. "Ms. Jensen needs a blood transfusion. Her red blood cell count is very low and we are completing the transfusion as we speak. We will need to keep her over night to see how she will react to the blood. But you should be able to go and see her with in the next few hours. Ok?"

Margaret nodded. "Thank you. May I ask how she lost so much blood?"

The nurse sighed. "Well it's strange she has two puncture holes on her neck. Almost like a snake bite so we are lead to believe that the blood loss came from there."

Margaret nodded and the nurse went back to her desk.

"Where could Hanna have been bitten by a snake?" Margaret asked George.

"I don't know. Why don't you ask Spike over here?"

"Ok George stop this. This is not helping Hanna at all."

Margaret said in a forceful tone.

"I know honey, I'm sorry. I just want our little girl back."

Margaret nodded and pulled her husband into a hug. They held each other tightly. Spike looked away ashamed. He shouldn't be part of this scene. It was almost like a dream as if he is watching someone else's life. The moment was broken from the sudden blast of some boy band pop tune. Dawn rushed to get the cell phone out of her pocket.

"Sorry"

She picked it up and moved a little ways from the group.

"Hi Mom. No, I'm fine. Its Hanna. No, no she's at the hospital. They say she needs a blood transfusion. I'm here with her parents, Tara and Spike. Ok, I'll tell them. Love you too."

Dawn closed her phone and walked over to the Jensen's. "Um...Mr. and Mrs. Jensen? My mom says she is on her way right now."

Margaret quickly wiped her eyes. "Oh no she doesn't need to come down."

Dawn shrugged. "Well you know my mom. She wants to make sure all of us kids are safe."

After another half an hour of waiting Joyce, followed by Buffy, Angel, and Willow rushed through the hospital doors. Willow went straight to Tara and Joyce, Buffy and Angel went straight to the group surrounding Hanna's parents. Joyce rushed over and gave Margaret a hug and shook George's hand.

"How are you? Any news on Hanna?"

Margaret shook her had. "No, that darn nurse keeps passing us and I think she is going to tell us something every time but she never does. It's driving me a little crazy."

Joyce nodded. "It'll be alright Margie."

"What happened? Vampire?" Buffy asked Spike quietly.

Spike nodded but refused to look at her.

"I told her we would come after you. She was foolish to go in there alone."

"Yeah cause you guys were so quick to get a plan going."

Dawn said sarcastically as she rolled her eyes at her sister.

"Dawn it's not easy to sneak into the Initiative as we found out."

"Hanna did. Hanna didn't even need back up. She went in there alone and was able to find Spike and get him out."

"Yeah, and look at the price she paid for doing that."

"Enough."

Everyone looked over shocked at Tara who looked angry.

"Hanna was did not deserve any of this, and neither did Spike. Both Hanna and Spike have been brave and selfless. You guys were just sitting around thinking of plans that had absolutely no risks in them when you knew that wasn't possible. Spike was being tortured while we did nothing. Hanna couldn't just sit around and wait while someone she cared about was in pain. I would have done the same thing if it was Willow. And the only reason that Spike was captured in the first place was because he saved one of us. Even though we all treat him as if he is not a valued member of this group. So if you all have critiques on Hanna's rescuing ability then please just go outside. Because I don't want to hear it. At least Hanna was trying."

Tara folded her arms against her chest and Dawn followed in a similar fashion. Spike didn't know what to say. People just keep surprising him these days. First it was Dawn who protected him. Then it Joyce. Then Hanna. And now Tara. Even Anita and Philippe had tried to save him. No one has ever acted as though he mattered. No one acted like he was part of something….like a family. He has always wanted one. To be close to people. To have people to look out for and care for. But now that he had it, he didn't want it. He didn't deserve a family. Families look out for each other, not put them in hospitals. Spike looked over to Tara who was whispering something to Willow. Willow had an apologetic look on her face and then reached over and pulled Tara in for a hug. Buffy and Angel were standing off to one side looking at everyone and occasionally speaking softly to the other. Joyce had her arm around Dawn's shoulder and was speaking to the Jensens. Spike felt out of place and very very alone.

"Excuse me?" A different nurse then before came over to the group.

The Jensens turned quickly and looked at her expectedly.

"Mr. and Mrs. Jensen?"

They nodded and the nurse continued. "So far Hanna has had no negative reactions to the blood. She is finally stable and she is awake. But she is tired and in a lot of pain so please one visitor at a time."

George put his hand on Margaret's shoulder indicating that she could go first. Margaret gave him a weak smile back and followed the nurse. Now Spike was even more on edge then before. What would he say to her? Sorry? Sorry I almost killed you? Would she want to see him? Would she be scared? Waking up in a hospital bed was probably not very fun. He just wanted to do the right thing for her. He would just go in there and see her. He didn't have to say anything. He would tell her he loved her and see what she wanted to do from there. If she never wanted to see him again then he would just go back to Brazil with Anita and Philippe.

Margaret came back and smiled at George who took that as his queue to go in and see Hanna. Spike sat in the chair and put his head in his hands trying to come up with something helpful to say. Spike snapped his head up when Angel came and sat by him.

"I felt something…a little while ago…it was a twinge of loss…"

Spike sighed and looked at Angel's face. "That's because Dru is dead."

Angel's eyes grew wide for a moment and then went back to normal.

"She's gone?"

"Yeah."

"Who…?"

"I did. I ripped her head clean off. Was seeing red…had to save Hanna. Dru was in my way of doing that…so I took care of her…didn't realize what I had done until her dust was all around me. Didn't even feel anything as she dusted. I always thought I would. Maybe not sadness or despair, but something…anything."

"When I killed Darla to save Buffy's life I didn't feel anything either. I just saw Buffy in danger and I acted out of instinct. Look Spike, I know that I am hard on you and that you and I will never be friends. I never trusted you and you hate me for the way I treated you as a fledgling, but I'm nit blind and I can see that Hanna is your mate whether any of us want to believe. I'm not saying that I want to hold your hand and skip through the park, but I do know what's its like to love someone more than yourself even when everyone says its wrong. Don't let any of these people tell you what you feel and what you don't….especially Xander. I really hate that guy."

Spike chuckled. "Yeah he's a piece of work alright."

Angel nodded and then stood and walked near Buffy once more. Spike was surprised that Angel would be so bold as to come and talk to him, especially to swallow his own pride and give him understanding and kind words. He and Spike had never been close. Angel tortured Spike and forced him to do things he never wanted to think about and he made it known that no one would ever love him the way he wanted to be loved. Angel tried to convince him that vampires didn't love in that and that that kind of soft hearted love was only for humans and was a weakness. Both Angel and Spike knew better now. Both have grown and were finally able to trust themselves to love. Spike continued to ponder the weirdity that have been his life in the past few months when Dawn tapped him on the shoulder.

"Yeah Bit?"

"She's ready to see you now."

Spike took a deep breath and stood. Here goes everything. Everyone cleared a path for him to go through and they all stared at him as he walked passed. He was the last one to see her and probable everyone wanted to know why he hadn't rushed in to see the girl he loved. Spike walked down the hallway until he came to the appropriate room and opened the door softly. Spike was instantly welcomed with the relaxing scent of Hanna. Spike tried to calm his nerves as he quietly shut the door behind him. Hanna looked up as Spike walked around the bed to a small plastic chair. Spike sat down and looked at Hanna. She had a bandage over her bite marks and an ivy was in her right arm dripping clear fluid into her veins. "I'm sorr…" Spike started but Hanna held up her hand to quiet him.

"What happened back there Spike? I heard you screaming my name and then when I finally got to you, you had no idea who I was and then I remember thinking I was going to die. How did I end up here?"

Spike sighed. He really didn't know the answer to that one either. The memory was still hazy and he had no idea how he remembered her or why.

"Well I don't really know why I remembered you. I just remember thinking something wasn't right. Drusilla had Walsh take out my memories of you in exchange for bringing her the slayer. It was a deal they made."

"Is Walsh that blonde woman?"

"Yes."

"Oh…well I kinda shot her in the leg."

Spike's eyes grew wide with shock. "You shot someone?"

"Well she was hurting you."

"That was very brave Hanna."

Hanna blushed. "I had to do anything I could to get you out of there. I was scared they were going to kill you."

Silent tears ran down Hanna's cheeks and all the fear Spike had about her rejecting him flew out the window. This girl had risked her life to come and save and was willing to die for him. He shouldn't have questioned her love for him. She loved him and wanted him around. Spike reached out and took Hanna's hand.

"Thank you."

Hanna looked up and sniffled. "For what?"

"For saving my life…again."

Hanna cocked her head in confusion. "Again? When was the first time?"

"The first time we met."

"You saved my life."

"If I hadn't of stopped to save you, we never would have met. You did save my life that night. You awakened me from the dark place I had put myself in. thinking I wasn't good enough or that I had to be evil to prove my worth. You have shown me that I can have the love I have been looking for for 150 years. And again tonight you surprised me again by almost dying in the name of the love you have for me. I know I'm not the brightest of people…and my mouth has a mind of its own, but I know what fate means and I know what destiny means and you have taught me to believe in both Hanna."

"Spike?"

"Yeah"

Both of their voices filled with emotion.

"Do you think when I check out you can go home with me?"

"I don't think your father will like that very much."

"Please. I need you to."

"Why love? I'll be right next door."

"Because I don't want to wake up alone anymore."


	24. Chapter 24

_Ok so I know you guys have probably given up on me, which I wouldn't blame you. I have went through three computers and there has been some family issues that have kept my from you guys. Well here is the last chapter, I will have the Epilogue up very soon. Please read and enjoy. _

_**Chapter 24: Need You**_

The thought of finally getting a second chance to sleep next to Hanna sounded like heaven. They had been through so much in such a short amount of time. He had changed in a short amount of time. Spike went from a cold calculated killer with a secret passionate side to someone with a purpose, with a family, with a mate. He still craved blood and the hunt, but there was finally something _else_ in his life worth enjoying as well. Not that Spike did not love Drusilla…with the thought of Drusilla Spike's thoughts drifted to her. She was gone…dust…never to come back and it was by his own hands. A few months ago, maybe even a few days ago he never would have imagined that he would be the one to finally kill Drusilla. Spike yet again had to give it to the powers that be. They have proven once again that he was doomed to walk in his grandsire's foot prints. But Spike didn't really much care about that anymore. If he was supposed to find a path of redemption then he will try his hardest to stick to it. Shouldn't be too hard. He had the idea of Hanna and her well being to look after. Spike brought his thoughts back to her. She looked so fragile in the large hospital bed with tubes coming from her. His eyes glanced at the large bandage on her neck.

"You almost died tonight." Spike whispered the words as if too scared to let them hang in the air like a poison.

"But I didn't. You saved me."

"Yeah right after I bloody tried to kill you."

"But you stopped yourself. You remembered me."

"Yeah but that was only because…" Spike stopped. He didn't know. Hanna's questions from earlier were still so hard to answer. It seemed that one minute he had the intent to kill and the next moment he was racing against time. What had been the trigger? Spike remembered biting her then once he found out she was wearing something of his the only thought that came to his mind was…then it finally sunk in what had occurred. Spike jumped up and began to pace. He looked from Hanna to the floor. Hanna was giving him a look of insanity which he was growing quite accustomed to from her.

"Spike, you wanna tell me why you are wearing away the ugly blue tiles of the nice hospital?"

Spike hurried and resumed his seat next to Hanna.

"Do you remember when you asked me to claim you?"

"Uh yeaaaaaah, you said it was too much for me to handle."

"You have to be ready now because… I claimed you."

"I'm sorry…what?"

"When I bit you and then realized you were mine, I said it out loud and you confirmed it. And we sealed the deal with blood."

"Ok…um….great and so…what does this have to do with anything."

"Hanna I claimed you don't you know what this means?"

"Drusilla is not going to be one happy camper?"  
"Drusilla being dust and all doesn't really help her mood I'm sure."

"Wait Drusilla is dead? I mean again? For good? How? Why? How?"

"She was trying to hurt you."

Spike echoed Hanna's words from earlier and smiled slightly, but then frowned again.

"Hanna, being claimed has high consequences. There are sacrifices that you have to make that I gave you no choice on."  
"Ok so let me get this straight. This claim thing is the sole reason you stopped trying to kill me and remembered me and Drusilla being gone. The sole reason we are even able to have this conversation and you are…what upset?"

Spike jumped up again and stood by the window. The dark blue from the sky had just started turning a slight pink. Spike sighed.

"Hanna this isn't like mating. This is even worse."

"Worse? Worse is the word you choose?"

Spike turned and looked at her.

"You know what I mean. This is intense, deep, primal magic we are delving into here pet. This is binding…forever."

"OK, so I am still trying to see the badness here. I want to be attached to you forever."

Spike growled.

"No Hanna you don't. Not this way. Hanna this isn't some love story from one of your little vampire books. Alright? This is real, this is dangerous. Stop acting like a love sick teenager and think about this."

Spike regretted the words leaving his lips the second they did. Hanna's face turned from mildly annoyed to red hot anger in a blink.

"If you haven't noticed genius, I am a love sick teenager. And why don't you stop acting like a know it all with a martyr complex and explain to me exactly why it is so bad to be claimed with me. It saved our lives Spike so as far as I'm concerned you should be busy coming up with a damn claim celebration dance and not yelling at me about things I obviously need more information about."

Spike walked over to the side of the bed and sat down taking Hanna's hand. "I'm sorry love. I know I can be a right prat when I get nervous. But I just keep messing things up for us…im tired of it and…"

"Spike can you do me a favor and save the brooding for Angel and please tell me why you are so scared of this claim."

Spike sighed again and looked down at their intertwined fingers.

"A claim is like a big flashing sign that says you belong to me. Before, unless a demon looked for it, they couldn't really tell you were mine aside from my scent. But a vampire's bite is like a calling card and especially one with a claim attached. Its to ensure another demon can't steal another demon's property."

"Ok so I won't leave the house in the night time unless you are with me."

"That isn't all pet. A claim also gives a couple certain abilities with each other."

"What kind of abilities."

"If we tried, we could read each others thoughts. Speak to each other telepathically. We can feel each other's pain like the mating but much stronger."

"Ooooh I can read your mind? That is soooo cool."

"No love, let me finish. Remember I told you that in mating if a mate dies it makes the other feel like death?"

Hanna nodded.

"In a claim if one mate dies then the other does more than feel it."

Hanna's eyes grew wide. "So if you die then I…"

"Die yes."

Hanna sat up more and ran a hand through her hair.

"Wow Spike this is heavy mojo here."

"Yes pet, but you're missing the key part."

Hanna shook her head.

"You know I'm going to just save saying 'there's more' until you are finished."

"A claim will protect itself. It will do whatever it can to keep from being broken so it will pull from the strongest one claimed."

"Ok so what…am I gonna get some vampire powers."

Hanna started to giggle slightly and then stopped when Spike wasn't laughing with her.

"You're joking right? No Spike, you're joking."

"You're immortal."

Hanna's eyes grew wide as saucers.

"Am I going to change into a vampire?"

Hanna began looking at her heart monitor still beeping away as if she might die right there on the spot. Spike caressed her hand.

"No pet, but you have some of my abilities. I don't know the extent of them all yet but I know you are immortal. The claim knows with you being human the claim is in more danger and so it pulled from my power."

Spike sat there in silence as he watched realization surface on Hanna's pretty face. They sat there in silence. Spike allowed Hanna to sit there with a blank look on her face for a full fifteen minutes.

"Hanna I don't want you to be scared. There is a reversal we can do. It will be painful but I think…"

"No Spike." Hanna said quietly.

"No, Hanna I don't think you know…"

"Do you think I will gain some of your strength?"

"I would only assume so. The claim…wait why?"

"You can train me. I can help you and Buffy and Angel slay demons. I can help Spike. You wouldn't have to worry about me so much. Spike this is wonderful."

"Whats so wonderful about having to give up your life to save the world all the bloody time?"

"Spike if something were to happen to you, I would never be weak or scared again. I would have the strength to fight for you. I wouldn't end up here." Hanna indicated with her hand to the hospital room.

"Hanna, you're missing the danger. You weren't bit by a radioactive spider and now aren't the nerd in school anymore. You're not some superhero. This was done to you and you aren't ready for this. You're just a girl. Now when you are allowed out of here we are going to reverse this."

"So that's it? You tell me all these things just to decide for me what will happen?"

"Hanna all I want is what is best…"

"Don't you dare say what is best for me. You know why don't you just dump me and be on your way?"

Spike's turn to look confused. "What? Where did this come from?"

"Ever since we got together all you have done is try to tell me I can't do this, or I'm not ready for that. I can't do this because I'm human or I'm too young. I'm too fragile. You put up all these limitations and road blocks. If you didn't want to be with someone like that why did you fall for a human teenage girl huh?"

"Well its not like I had a choice. Do you think if I had a say in any of this I would have picked you?"

The look of pure tragic pain cross Hanna's face felt like a knife twist in his gut.

"No Hanna that is not what I meant. I only meant that I wouldn't have put you through all this. I just…wow I am really screwing this up aren't I? Bugger it, I should have stayed in Brazil."

The sudden movement made Spike look up. Hanna was getting out of bed.

"Pet no. You can't. The doctor said you would still be weak for a week."

"You know I actually feel great, more than great I feel strong. Now get up I want to hit you."

Spike stood and walked over to where Hanna was standing. Spike kept his eyes to the floor. Hanna has been angry at him before but not like this. She wasn't yelling. She was speaking quietly. Spike preferred her yelling.

"I thought I was in love with this wonderful, strong, intelligent, brave man who seemed to be put in this world for the sole purpose of making it better…just by being in it. But now I can see that it was all a lie. You are nothing but a coward."

Spike looked up at her. He has been called many things over his long life time as a vampire. A monster, killer, evil, soulless. All true and all compliments. But he has never been called a coward. He shaped his entire demon life around being strong and never being weak again as he was in his human life. And now this slip of a girl is calling him the worst name he could think of being called.

"Are you daft? I'm a vampire. Coward is not in the job description. Maybe if you're all souled up like a poof then yeah, but not me."

"Yeah I thought the same thing about Angel. But you know what? He fought for it. He did something about the things holding him and Buffy back. Angel is more a man than you are."

Spike clenched his fists and tried hard to reign in his temper.

"Watch your mouth girl."

"No, you can't hurt me. I'm tired of this game Spike. You walk around like you are the only one that has had to change their life. To give up something to be in this relationship. You act like this is some burden. You tell me one minute that I saved your life and all these things about you loving me, but then you turn around and say you would never choose this for yourself or me. You keep trying to decide what is best instead of just letting life happen. Love isn't something you control, it isn't something you command or wield. It has power over you not the other way around. I know that is scary, but I don't care. I'm not scared, and I'm tired of you painting this relationship to be some demonic abomination. Some sort of huge cosmic mistake. Did you stop and think about what I have been through in the eight and a half months that I have known you? I have had my entire notion of good and evil destroyed and built back up again only this time not filled with murders and rapist, but things that eat people's skin, demons, the end of the world, the mouth of hell. I was attacked by a demon, I had guns fired at me, I shot a woman I didn't know, and the worst thing that happened was you disappeared and I thought I was going to wither and die without you."

Spike's anger at Hanna was slowly replaced with anger in himself. She has been through so much in such a short amount of time. Spike should have seen this happening. This life is not one Hanna would have wanted if she was given the chance. She needs normal. She needs peace and all he can seem to give her is chaos and pain.

"I know love, this is why I wanted to leave and…"

"Yeah I know you know all this. These memories probably keep you awake at night or whenever you sleep. Making you feel guilty and even more wretched about being a vampire, but you want to know what you don't think about?"

"What pet?"  
"The simple fact that I'm still here."

The realization that Spike loved Hanna had been shocking, the realization that Hanna may never want him again had been devastating, the realization that he had almost killed her made him want to die, but the realization that he really was a foolish coward was a hard one to swallow. Spike had been so consumed in fearing that Hanna would leave that he completely missed that she had stayed. No one has ever been that way with Spike before. Everyone he had ever loved had left him. He was so scared that he would always be alone that he missed someone who was always by his side. Hanna had waited for him when he left. Hanna had come to save him when he was in danger. Hanna still loved him after he had tried to kill her. Hanna has been the only one to stay. And he had been too much of a blasted coward to see it. She was right. He spent his life fighting to be seen as strong and when he finally had someone whose opinion actually mattered he was weak and selfish. Hell even Angel learned his lesson and came back for his girl. Spike felt like an idiot. A right git with no right to be with a girl like Hanna, he now knew that wasn't what it was about. It wasn't about what he felt he deserved or Angel, or Buffy or bloody Xander. Hanna felt like Spike deserves her and isn't that what really mattered?

"Don't you see Spike? After all this pain and confusion only one thing is clear to me…I need you."

Spike's train of thought was broken and the only thing he could hear were those words humming in his ears like a chorus of angels. Hanna needed him. She needed him. She didn't just want him, love him, but she needed him. She needed air, and food, and water, things to keep her alive and she counted Spike as one of those things.

"Hanna…"

Spike's voice was filled with emotion. His eyes filled with tears. And his dead heart filled with pride and belonging. In that one statement of her name Spike conveyed a century's worth of emotion, of need for someone to realize he was worth it, valuable, important somewhere in the world. A century's worth of longing to be needed. Hanna was crying too, she was smiling and crying. Spike didn't want to think anymore, he just wanted to feel. Spike grabbed Hanna's arms and crushed her body against his. He wrapped his arms around her lifted her up off the ground. Hanna slid her legs around his waist and wrapped her arms around his neck. They looked each other in the eye and a large grin grew on both their faces.

"Things are going to be ok now right?" Hanna asked softly.

Spike chuckled. "No pet. They are going to be a pain in the arse."

Hanna giggled. "Yeah I thought so. Just wanted to hear you say arse."

Spike's gaze turned serious.

"It's gonna be hard, but I love you pet. And nothing is going to keep me from doing that. I promise…"

"Hey Spike?"

"Yeah love?"

"Can you just kiss me now?"

Spike smiled and brought Hanna closer. "Would you like me to kiss you or do you need me to kiss you?"

Hanna smiled right back at him. "A little of both."

Spike and Hanna finally shared a kiss that was free from fear and it was unlike any other kiss they have ever shared with each other or anyone else. Their first kiss had been one filled with innocence, love, and hesitation. It was one filled with emotions neither one could admit. But now they were kissing not only as lovers, mates or friends, but as half of the same whole. Their kiss was not only a fusion of love and acceptance, patience and understanding, fear and hope. But a fusion of hearts.


	25. Epilogue

_Hi guys, so first of all, wow I cant believe it is almost over. I am really happy I was able to share this with all of you and I hope you enjoyed it. Second of all, some of you have written me about when Hanna and Spike were going to…you know…well finally its here. I put it at the end because I didn't want it to be all about angst. Alright well enjoy the rest of the story and I will see you next time for the sequel. And there is going to be a sequel. _

_Thanks for being such great readers,_

_M.w.M_

_**Epilogue: Happy Beginnings**_

"OK, how do I look? I can't really see myself so you're gonna have to throw me a bone here."

Spike turned towards the mirror and wished his reflection would just appear. A soft tug on his pant leg caught his attention. He looked down and smiled. He bent down and picked up the little one now trying to nibble on his cuff links.

"Ready to give your opinion now? I want to look good for mommy. You know how she is."

Spike only received a small growl.

"Thanks fido that really helps."

The little grey puppy cocked his head to one side and looked at Spike with large eyes. Spike sighed. Spike never would have guessed he had a soft spot for puppies. Spike never would have guessed he had a soft spot for anything.

"Spike are you ready yet? Mom is waiting for us…Are you playing with Smokey again?"

Spike turned and was awe struck. It was his turn to growl softly in response to an appearance. Hanna blushed as if on que and looked down at her dress. It was emerald. Spike's favorite color on her. Thin straps with a tight bodice that flared out at the hips and kept going till it hit the knees. Her hair was pulled tightly to her head with light green jeweled butterflies that seemed to have just been fluttering and got caught on her lovely soft hair. Her makeup was soft and light. She was wearing the gold feather earrings Spike had given her as a celebration present.

"You like?"

Spike set the puppy down on the chair and walked over to his mate.

"You look good enough to eat."

He said in a deep raspy voice. Hanna said when he did that it made him sound all sexy.

Hanna rolled her eyes. "Oh no mister. No eating of Hanna before one of the happiest days of her life."

Spike frowned.

"Couldn't I just have a nibble?"

Hanna had her resolve face and Spike knew it was pointless to argue.

"Now come on Mom is waiting in the parking garage."

Spike sighed. "Fine, lets go and get this over with"

Hanna rolled her eyes and grabbed Spike's hand.

"You could show a little happiness for me. I am graduating."

"I know pet and I am proud of you but sitting there pretending to be human for three hours does not sound fun. Especially when I have to sit next to your father."

"Well Dawn will be on your other side and think about it this way, Angel has to suffer too."

"You know I'm starting to feel a lot better about this."

Hanna laughed. "You are so predictable."

"See that wasn't so bad."

"Yeah for you. You didn't have to sit next to mister glare holes in my head and the hormone factories of Dawn and her little boy toy."

"Its Danny Spike, we've talked about this."

"Whatever, the only good part was you looking all cute up there in your cap and gown and thanking me in your speech. It was quite good, really."

"It was all about you."

"As I said, smashing pet."

Hanna giggled.

The laughing stopped as soon as Spike unlocked his door and they stepped inside. Spike shut the door behind them and they stood in the doorway. Hanna was staying here because the Jensons had an early flight into Sacramento for business and didn't want Hanna to spend her graduation night alone at home while her parents went to bed.

"You know this really is a great place." Hanna indicated to the lavish apartment that Spike now lived in. Spike acquired this through his friend Clem and for the reason that Hanna's dad wanted to see where Hanna spent her time and it wasn't going to be in a crypt or Buffy's basement. Spike took Hanna with him to shop for furnishings with the logic that it was her home too. She had cried and was so happy that Spike wanted this for them. Spike decided to make the first move and sit on the couch. Hanna followed suite. Hanna took Spike's hand. "You know you look really good tonight."

Spike wanted to blush like a school boy. Even though Hanna had been the one to choose this suite it still made him smile.

"Thanks pet."

"You look beautiful." Hanna blushed and smiled.

"Do you think it would be alright if I kissed the graduate?" Spike asked softly. Hanna blushed yet again and nodded slightly. She scooted closer to him and Spike put his arm around her waist and pulled her closer still. Spike gently put his lips to Hanna's and kissed her lightly. Testing to see if she actually wanted this or was just kissing him because he asked her if he could. Hanna moved back to Spike's mouth and kissed him back a little harder. Spike took this as a green light and deepened the kiss. Hanna slid her arms up around his neck and made a tiny sound of pleasure in the back of her throat. Spike growled softly and deepened the kiss further. Pushing his tongue past her lips and into her mouth caressing her tongue with his. The mewling grew louder and Spike grew bolder still. He prompted her straddle his lap on the couch. Hanna eagerly accepted and stood. But before Hanna could move to back onto the couch Spike stopped her and placed his hands around her waist. He pulled her closer, and slipped his hands to the hem of her dress. "Spike" she protested quietly.

"Shhh, love. It's alright" Spike moved passed her dress to her high heeled shoes. He grabbed her ankle and Hanna put her hand on his shoulder to keep her balance. Spike undid the strap and pulled the shoe off slowly. He then turned and repeated the action with the other shoe. When he was finished Spike leaned back and waited for Hanna to resume her previous move. Hanna took the hint and straddled him. Holding him tightly between her knees, Spike could feel her shaking. He wasn't surprised. This was a big step for both of them. He was nervous too, but he didn't want Hanna to see this. They resumed kissing and with each passionate kiss both Spike and Hanna grew more and more brave. Spike gently took the clips from Hanna's hair and let the long wave of auburn tumble down her back and over his fingers. He ran his hands through her long strands and marveled at how soft her hair was. Hanna leaned back from Spike and moved her hands to his suite jacket and pushed it over his shoulders. Spike helped remove his jacket and started on his tie. Hanna stilled his hands and moved his hands to her waist and proceeded to work the tie off for him. She loosened it and then leaned into him and kissed his neck. Spike shivered and tried not to move his hips despite how good it felt. Hanna finally took off the tie and let it fall to the floor. Hanna continued to kiss his neck until Spike pushed her gently. "Am I doing it wrong?" Hanna asked innocently. Spike shook his head.

"No love, but if you keep doing that I will not be able to control what happens, and I want to take my time with you."

Hanna blushed and nodded. Spike put his lips back to hers and caressed her back and her neck, her shoulder blades and her arms. Hanna was starting to feel more comfortable and started moving her hands as well. She rubbed her hands up and down Spike's chest beginning from his shoulders and ending at his belt buckle. Every time her little hands were close to his belt Spike's breathe hitched. Hanna didn't seem to notice. Lost in her own exploration of the male form. Spike moved his lips from Hanna's mouth to her cheek and traveled to her neck. He found his bite mark and sucked gently on the pulse point. Hanna held him tighter and sighed.

"Mmm…Spike…" she whispered.

Spike grew excited over hearing Hanna's pleasure and sucked harder while rubbing his hands from the start of her spine to the end. Hanna's hands seemed to have a mind of their own for she began to unbutton Spike's shirt and before he could stop her she was sliding it off his shoulders and throwing it on the floor along with his jacket, tie, and her shoes. Hanna moved her lips back to his neck and then moved then to his chest. Dropping gentle moist kisses to his chest and back to his neck.

"Oh god Hanna…your lips are so soft…pet…please…angel...beautiful….so good…." Spike was babbling nothings while Hanna was working miracles on him. Spike has never gotten such pleasure from simple kisses before.

"Hanna…Hanna…love stop…"

Hanna pulled back and frowned.

"Stop? No stop"

Spike chuckled. Spike pushed Hanna until she stood up. She looked confused. Spike picked her up and carried her to the bedroom in the back of the apartment. He set Hanna down on the bed and kneeled in front of her. Hanna's eyes were large and soft looking at Spike with fear, nerves, and yet passion. Spike put his hands to the hem of her dress and lifted it slightly to get to the start of her pantyhose. He slowly pulled them down and kissed her leg from thigh to ankle. And repeating it with the other leg. Hanna's hands were clenching the bed sheets and biting her lip hard. Spike smiled at his effect on her and then he stood and unbuckled his belt. Hanna opened her eyes and stared at the loose belt hanging from Spike's pants.

"Love are you sure you want this?" Spike asked gently.

Hanna nodded and moved her trembling hands to the straps of her dress. She started to pull them down until they were hanging from the dress and her soft shoulders were bare. Spike took the hint and removed his belt and unzipped his pants. Hanna followed by unzipping her dress from the back. Now they were both standing at the threshold. Spike and Hanna would see each other stripped down. They would see each other in a way they never have before. Spike had to admit that he was even a little nervous. But he had more experience than she did so he decided to break the silence. "Alright love, on a count of three." Hanna nodded. "One" Spike began softly.

"Two"

"Three"

As Spike said the last word he slipped quickly out of his pants and saw Hanna shimmy out of her dress and stand, her arms trying to cover herself. "Pet, put your arms down." Hanna obeyed and slowly put her arms by her sides. Spike growled softly in the back of his throat. He had never seen anything so beautiful in all his life. Even his first love Ceily didn't even match the pure innocent beauty radiating from Hanna tonight. Her hair was framing her face and Spike's eyes followed the curve of her neck, skipped to his bite mark, and then followed to the black lacey bra that made her skin look like cream. Spike left the swell of her breast to her tummy and then rested on her matching underwear. "Beautiful" Spike whispered. He looked into her eyes and saw Hanna blushing. Spike could see Hanna's own eyes traveling down his body. Spike stood proud. He knew he looked good, he knew he had sex appeal. And he knew Hanna appreciated his body. He could feel her arousal and he could smell it. Like a perfume wafting through his nose. It made him hungry with desire. He gently took Hanna into his arms and led her to the bed. Hanna laid herself down and Spike laid down next to her. Spike rolled onto his side and pulled Hanna close to him. He began to kiss her neck and followed a trail to her breast and kissed the skin not covered by her bra. He continued to kiss while reaching back and undoing the clasps. He pulled the material away and heard Hanna take a deep breath. Spike moved his lips to her tummy and move towards the most intimate part of her. Hanna gasped but didn't stop him so Spike kissed each inner thigh and hooked his fingers into the sides of her underwear and pulled down. Spike again was assaulted with how beautiful she truly was. At her purest form. Without any barriers, she was absolutely perfect. He stood quickly and deposited his own underwear with hers. He began to get back on the bed when he noticed Hanna's eyes were tightly closed.

"Love look at me."

Hanna didn't budge.

"Love this won't work if you can't even look at me."

Hanna opened her eyes and Spike saw they were immediately drawn to between his legs. Her eyes widened in surprise and Spike puffed out his chest with pride. He knew it wasn't just his muscles that gave him sex appeal. Spike then resumed his movement on the bed and crawled towards Hanna. She was blushing as Spike kept his eyes on her. Spike was now above Hanna, all the weight on his arms, he looked down at her. He leaned down to kiss her.

"Spike?"

Spike stopped. "Yes love?"

"I love you."

Spike's look softened and he kissed her gently on the cheek.

"I love you too pet."

"You may continue."

Spike chuckled. "Why thank you."

Spike nestled himself between Hanna's legs and Hanna wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Are you sure love? This is a big step."

Hanna smiled. "This is the only way we haven't been together. I want this. I know you want this. We have already consummated our love in your world. Now I want to in mine. I love you, and I know that no matter what happens you will be there to guide me and protect me… Are you sure?"

Spike was trying hard to not to tear up. Sometimes Hanna has a wisdom about her that surprises him to this day.

"Of coarse love. I have become your protector, your teacher, your friend, and now I would like the honor and privilege to become your lover."

Hanna pulled him close to her body. "Then love away Spike."

And Hanna and Spike made love. And when the end neared they both reached heights they never thought possible with simple love making. It was because it was more than that. Their bodies were intertwined but it was also their minds, and their hearts. As mates they were able to experience something that was beyond climax to pleasure. It was a climax to a higher power, a higher plain, where for a short time there was no suffering, no pain. There were no restrictions and labels like human or vampire, no strong or weak. They were two people, two bodies, sharing something that could only be described as magic.

As they lay there in bed coming down from the high their feeling was nothing short of pure, blissful, happiness. A feeling that until now, they both had thought was impossible.

_**The End**_


End file.
